As Your Lover
by butiloveyou
Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her a host and locking up her other half. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an Exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki. R&R!
1. Prologue

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: Cross Marian is involved with the OC. _

_Update, 2011 September 6th: Hello! I am updating the beginning of the series to make it align more with the current plot, as more background information about Cross and Allen had been given. Thank you for your continous support despite my hiatus status!_

* * *

As Your Lover - Prologue

_"Look for the crucified one,_

_For she will choose her path,_

_To fight with or against,_

_The Last Noah "Void",_

_Of life and death,_

_Khaos."_

* * *

_"Love?" A young woman of much beauty, asked gently, as her crimson eyes shone with soft sadness. A pair of arms was resting around her waist gently as its owner nuzzled his face into her lustrous snowy hair, "The musician is not really a bad man, to allow us to die together... But our time together seems to be so short in this time round." A soft chuckle came from the handsome man that was embracing her as he raised his bloodied gloved-hand to her chin, his thumb wiping away the blood trickling down her chin._

_"Don't worry. I will always find you like before, no matter where you are."_

_"Yes…" She closed her eyes and leaned on her lover, waiting for their time to end as blood continued flowing from their fatal wounds. A large rod was pierced through their body together as the couple had their last moments in each other's embrace. Like always. _

* * *

Walking along the streets, he searched through the different faces of the women, but none was the one he loved. He attended parties, he danced, he socialized, all in hope that he could meet his destined one. The time for her reincarnation was long due, and yet, he could not find her. He had promised to be there for her, he never failed to do so, and always arriving like a prince to sweep the princess off her feet, but this time was different.

Why?

Where could she be?

Day after day, ever since he had awakened, he had been searching using the Ark, traveling location to location, but she was never there. He dug into the depths of his memories, hoping for any hints of where she would be, but it was like her existence had been erased. How he longed for her touch, her ivory hair floating in the wind and her silvery eyelashes fluttering ever so softly whenever she sees him, and those red orbs that would look only at him.

_When I hold out my hand and call your name  
You are always waiting at the same place  
I just want to be with you at the same time_

Why haven't you returned to my side?

* * *

A tall man, clad in a golden-trimmed uniform, with a cracked mask covering the right of his face, emptied the shells from the large revolver in his hand. The creature that was going to attack the young child was gone in an explosion as the said child stared at the red-haired man, or more of, staring at the weapon he had in his hand. He looked at the child with eyes coloured like his own hair, as her skin was covered with dirt and bruises, while her feet were naked and blistered. The adult touched the head of the abandoned child lightly, "Another child of war, may God be with you."

He turned around to walk away, but the child latched her hand onto his sleeve as a long growl escaped from her stomach. A moment of silence followed after that as they stared at each other. He grabbed the child suddenly by her waist with a hand as he walked briskly towards the place he was staying at. He didn't want any of his potential partners for the night to misinterpret his relation with a small child. He would look like a freaking child abuser.

There was a few pair of eyes on him when he entered the hotel as he had the girl wait outside the room while he prepared the bathtub. He then returned to the door and grabbed her in the same manner and dumped the girl into the filled bathtub. "You're in the presence of a beautiful being, I don't like _filth_." With that, he took a random bottle of solution from the sink and poured it over her head and into the tub. "Scrub," he commanded as the child rubbed the solution into her hair and skin and he used the shower head on her head to wash off the bubbles. For his next instruction, he threw her a towel and had her to dry herself as he exited the bathroom and returned with a white shirt of his own for her to change into.

"Sit there and _don't_ move." He instructed the young girl to stay put at the small coffee table as he went to the phone to order room-service. The service crew arrived shortly, pushing a trolley into the room as the red-haired man placed the ordered food on the coffee table and poured himself a cup of wine. Seeing the food placed in front of her, the child looked at the man for permission before digging into the bowl of rice, trying to fill her emptied stomach as quick as possible and tried not to choke herself from her haste. He studied the child from the corner of his eyes as he noticed how intriguing the child actually looked, with snow white cleaned hair, porcelain skin and large unusual red eyes. The usual him would had just left without any regard to the child, but there was just something peculiar about the child. It almost felt like she found him. The way she looked at the AKUMA back then, with those blood-coloured eyes, it sent a silent shudder down his core, it was not one of a child, but unfeeling and curiously matured, as though she was confident. Exactly of what, he didn't know then.

"Thank you-"

"Cross Marian."

"Thank you, Cross."

"_Brat_, calling me by my name directly. What is your name, girl?"

She shook her head.

"How old are you?"

She shook her head again.

"_Where_ did you come from previously?"

She wanted to talk, to say she ran away from the orphanage, but her voice was suddenly choked as she felt her head splitting. She fell over onto the ground, feeling excruciating pain throughout her body as her breathe quickened with cold sweat running down her paler face; it felt like knifes were craving their way underneath her pale skin. "The Fourteenth's- Will- You-" She said with all of the strength she could muster and grabbed her ankles, feeling her skin being ripped apart as blood sipped out from the front of her ankles in a cross-shaped stigma while she let out a blood-curling scream. Cross watched how the blood painted her ankle scarlet, her lips mumbling out incoherent words, before she blacked out on him.

* * *

The Last disciple, "Void" of the Noah clan is her.

_"Chaos shall rage once again."_

This _small child_.

Cross thought as he cleaned up the blood from her ankles and bandaged them up, leaving the child on the couch. To think that the reincarnated Noah would find him, one of the people who had the will of her _murderer_. What crazy things fate brings? He had been searching for the Fourteenth's vessel, but never had he intended to come upon the phantom Fifteenth Noah. From what he learnt about the Noah clan, the Fifteenth was like a medicine to her family members, although it wasn't very much explained by Mana, information about her was scarce. She was much loved by the Noah members, to be kept safe from danger and _contamination _from the ugly world outside of her home.

But the Last Noah would definitely be a boost to the Dark Order.

No matter how nonchalant he was towards humanity, he didn't like the idea of sending this child to the Headquarters to be a lab rat. It was true that a Noah would do well on their side of the war, providing if she swore her loyalty to the Dark Order, but then again, who knows if what that sneaky Lvellie would do after gaining such a showpiece. Experiments for cloning were definitely one of his possible plans. The Dark Order was an old organization, and the things they would do to create fighting power borders on the line of inhumanity. Repulsive. One of the reasons why Cross never really enjoyed being part of the organization.

He exhaled again.

The Last Noah is different from the others in the Noah Clan, she wasn't one of the Originals to protect the Millennium Earl, but instead, she was borne from the desperate cries of the human race, praying for a saviour. In exchange for power, the Last Noah had to endure Crucifixion and wear a life of pain and suffering, to repent for the sins of the humankind like how the bible scribed the life of Jesus, as she carried the memories of pain and despair. Although she was loved, but the Seven Deadly Sins got better of the humans, forcing her over her limits and damaging her eventually. Her true family reached out to her when darkness fell over her eyes as she allowed humankind to fall into further despair, by being on the side of the Noah clan, dashing their hopes of salvation.

This history was never recorded on any paper or the Bookman clan, but was only passed down through the memories of the Noah clan, generation to generation at the time of their awakening. The current Bookman was probably the only one that was certain that the Last Noah existed, after witnessing her appearance with the family once. That knowledge infuriated the Millennium Earl that he left Bookman barely alive, allowing him to live on to perform his job of recording history. But the Bookman and his future apprentices were cursed to keep this only to themselves, for death would follow should any word be said about the Last Noah.

What should he do with this child?

He exhaled his breath of the tobacco for the umpteenth time.

He needed to weigh his options.

He could keep her with him, but it would be _troublesome_.

Or he could just hand her over to the Headquarters that they would either use her or kill her.

But woman likes a _soft-hearted_ man more.

What's more, this child would have the _'sight'_ after the first stigma had surfaced and only regains all her memories with the last stigma. She'd be rather useless in many ways at first, and pretty harmless. She might even be able to lead him to the Fourteenth's vessel.

A smirk crept onto his face as he exhaled the smoke from his cigarette. His choice was made.

* * *

"Brat." Cross called when he entered his hotel room, to find the awaken child staring out the window from the couch. She looked at him, then at the side and finally pointed to herself with a tilt of her head. "Yes, you, brat. Come here."

She walked to stand in front of the coffee table as a few pieces of documents were laid on the table. Cross took the stamp pad and used her thumb to stamp on all of the documents as he gave a sly grin again. "What is this, Cross?"

"Just some documents." He had a quill in his hand as he waved it around lazily while having a staring contest with the child, an oriental name that he had already thought of since his time here in Japan, "Guren." Cross was a knowledgeable man, his brains was definitely one of his charms, it wasn't a mere name he thought up for young girl. The Innocence of a child, bonded by blood to the war, to be stained like a red lotus. The lotus symbolises purity and the qualities of the heart, he sincerely hoped that the child wouldn't stray to the wrong path, even though her future would be a road of thorns and pain, to grow up with the right principles and to be helpful in his various missions.

_Spring time will never come again  
The crimson lotus is in bloom_

"Guren?"

"Your name."

"I want a longer name, Cross!"

Cross almost glared at the child, couldn't she just be satisfied with the name he chose. "What do you want?"

"I want a pretty name like Cross."

She stared, waiting for an answer. Cross pondered for a while. How can you expect someone to give a name so suddenly? The first one was the best original name he could give. A girl's name. How about _x_ woman's name with _y_ woman's name? What was it again? Crescentius.. Franziscus… Kreszenz? "Guren Kreszenz!"

"Yes!" Guren replied at the call of her name as Cross seemed to heave a sigh of relieve and quickly scribbled the name onto the documents before the fussy child changed her mind again. Even if she was a child now, she would be a _woman_ in the future, becoming bothersome and demanding. That's why he don't enjoy a committed relationships. But he had no choice for this. There, adoption was completed. It wasn't easy for him to find a discreet way to do these documentations, it was really important that this whole incident with Guren should be hushed. Her entire existence had to be kept low toned until she was ready, and his relationship for her was like a safeguard for both their futures.

"Cross," Guren leaned forward across the table as her innocent eyes stared into Cross' brown eyes, breaking his train of thoughts. "You won't leave me right?"

"Depends." That one word made Guren's heart sunk, as the older man noticed the dejected look on the little girl. "You need to be _clean_ and helpful." Guren gave a bright smile as Cross just pushed the side of her head, making her fall sideways, wiping the smile off the child's face.

That's why he hated kids.

They were always so easily contented. Like teacup humans with a miniature brain and emotion range.

Damn.

Will he be able to get proper female company with a kid by his side?

* * *

Guren walked behind Cross who was wearing his golden trimmed coat as the golden golem he called "Tim", rested on the top of her head. She followed behind silently, the only sound heard in the dark night was the sound of him smoking and the tapping of her mary janes on the ground. She was wearing a simple white shirt with a red ribbon around her collar and black shorts with white leggings, that Cross said he 'so _kindly_ gotten for her.' In her small hands was a flora designed suitcase Cross made her carried, her change of clothes, and her long wavy white hair tied into two curly ponytails.

"Do you know what AKUMAs are?"

She shook her head as a girl about her age, carrying a basket of flowers smiled at them.

"They are demons possessing the soul of a human. Like this one." She looked at what the red-haired man was referring to, the girl smiling at them. She didn't understand what was happening, as the sweet little girl morphed into a floating balloon-shaped creature with gun barrels protruding from it. He smiled as a single gunshot was heard, causing the AKUMA to burst into fire. "And I am an exorcist. Not some weird uncle off the streets, Guren," he said to the little girl, who fell to the ground from the impact of the explosion, her knees buckled as she regurgitated the contents from her stomach onto the ground, tears streaming down from her fearful eyes. She saw it, a grotesque image. It was simply too much for the young child to handle. From the depths of the young girl, even after she transformed into that monstrous looking thing, Guren saw a soul bound in chains and mummified, burning in purple flames as a screech pained her ears.

It took her a while to calm herself down, as she voiced her reply to Cross, "Can I be an exorcist too? To be like Cross?" Her voice was soft, and thin. It was scary to face these things, but she wanted to be of help to Cross who took up in. She had been alone, she was tired that she wanted to end it. She was abandoned by her parents after seeing the defect in her physical appearance, life in an orphanage was unbearable with the bullying and the prejudice held in the adults' eyes as she ran away, finally finding her sanctuary of belongingness, in the sauve redheaded General that rescued her like a prince. She was finally the princess in a fairytale.

"There's a high possibility. It shouldn't be a coincidence that the Noah is placed at our side of the war." Cross replied with a laugh as he pulled the girl up from her collar with one hand, and set up on her feet again, "Guren, you need to be spunkier if you want to travel with me, I don't like weak little girls."

She nodded her head slowly, "I was scared of myself after I woke up, I could see and hear things. But AKUMAs… They were in agony. Much more than me." Guren held onto his sleeve with one hand, walking beside him, "The only thing I can remember from the dream after the strange cuts appeared on my ankles, was someone smiling asking me to go home together. Do you know where I can find him?"

"There's no need to rush now. We've got time for you to remember. But your sight will definitely be put to good use." Cross smirked as they walked into a casino, "The red eyes that holds the _'Truth'_."

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_Hello again! Since the editting is done chapter by chapter, you may find some weird parts that doesn't match the storyline, so bear with me please! I will make a note at the beginning of the chapter to show whether it's updated._

_The documents were just some legalization documents like travelling pass and adoption for Guren that he prepared when she was still unconscious. And her age is presumed five now, Guren means red lotus in Japanese. And Guren is going to have some major father complex :D_


	2. Attachments

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: When will Tyki come out? ): The introductions are always boring to write. I'm so sorry, she's like still a child now. I hope I can cover Allen's part in the next chapter and move on the Tyki's._

Recap:

_But your 'sight' will definitely be put to good use." Cross smirked as they walked into a casino, "The red eyes that holds the 'Truth'."_

_2011,September 21st: Chapter two has been updated! More information regarding little Guren!_

* * *

As Your Lover - Attachments

On the contrary, instead of a classy casino, it was somewhat shaped architecturally more like a gambling den, where tobacco and opium were stagnant in the air as people of the oriental heritage of Guren were crowded in small groups in the front. Guren was only getting used to the smell of tobacco that clung to Cross like a second layer, but this place was ten times worse for her senses. They walked into a moderate tatami room with a few people seated around gambling. The dealer was in a formal seiza position, shirtless, showing his intimidating tattoos on his upper body, his pride and symbol of his status. The dealer looked up at Cross, and took note of the timid Guren standing beside the tall general, "Please make sure the child will not disrupt the game, honoured customer."

"You are mistaken, she's the one playing the game." After his bold statement, all eyes in the room was on Cross, including Guren's large red eyes as he pushed her to be seated. "This is a Japanese game, Chou-Han, you just have to guess the value of the dice in that upturned bamboo cup," Cross said in her ears as he sat behind her. The dealer shook the dice and set it on the mat, waiting for the bettors to place their choice. "Now, concentrate and think of what you want to see. Focus on the cup and tell me what is the added value of the dice," Cross whispered in her ears as she listened attentively.

She focused on the cup as her body felt strangely light and her eyebrows furrowed under the intensity. A soft murmur was heard, but it wasn't Cross' voice, it was a childlike voice that giggled at her clumsiness as she spoke, asking for Guren to clear her mind and think of what she wanted to see. In the next moment, she could see the dices in the cup visibly, like the layer of bamboo didn't exist. "Eight," she said in a soft tone, after adding up the values of what she saw, a pair of fours.

"Even." Cross said confidently and placed a good amount of money on his bet as the other bettors watched the strange pair. The dealer seemed sceptical about his new bettor as he watched their bizarre behaviour and whispered conversation. Confirming all bets, he finally unveiled the results, showing a pair of fours on the mat. Guren was right. She saw through the cup. So it was a fact that she had become even stranger, to be able to see and hear things that people can't. She looked up at Cross, unsure of how her guardian would react but he just hushed her with a single instruction. "Make me rich, Guren."

Another person spoke up into her ears, a deeper and confident feminine voice, "My mistress, Khaos, the one whom is but a blank page, the one who governs pain over all."

* * *

"Just stay in the room, I will be back by morning." Cross instructed after dropping Guren at the entrance of their hotel. They did win a great amount from their trip as Cross had a fine woman in his arms. She watched Cross' disappearing figure down the street as she dragged the flat coffin up to her room. She had never seen what was inside the coffin, but Cross called it the Grave of Maria. Guren settled in the room as she stared out of the window, there was clearly nothing for her to do at the moment. She haven't gotten used to her eyes that held the power of _Truth_, it felt so foreign to her. She had to concentrate a lot before being able to use it. If it was her power, why couldn't she use it freely and at will? She thought about her possible reasons for the fault as propped her chin onto the window ledge, from the corner of her eyes, she noted a particularly crowded tavern even at this late hour and her curiosity took better control of her.

The tavern was fairly crowded as there were both men and women, having drinks, laughing and playing cards. She tucked her head into one of the crowds to see four men playing cards as she stared at the game. One of the men noticed her as he talked to the girl, "This place is not for well underage child."

"But I'm bored." Guren said, pursing her lips, "Cross is out with a woman."

"What? You want to play?"

"I don't know how to. Teach me." Guren said with a smile so sweet and innocent, as the adults in the tavern seemed smitten by the child's innocence.

"You cute little thing, I will teach you how to beat that cheater." A woman said as she made one of the guys moved and took his seat, placing Guren on her lap as they started a new game.

_It was then, that Guren became a new source of income for Cross, other than the Black Order. You could say that Cross' lifestyle wasn't exactly healthy for him to take in apprentice even though he was a General._

* * *

"Oi. Didn't I say to wake up me up at noon?" Cross said as he held Guren up by her leg, dangling her in the air, trying to wake the sleeping girl. It was well into the afternoon already, Cross was one that did not have good time management, but it seems like his ward was far worst. She was literally sleeping like a log. He shook her roughly, as the sleeping beauty finally her opened her eyes slightly as she mumbled her greeting to Cross with a smile, "Good morning, Cross."

"Right." Cross rolled his eyes and dropped her on the bed, causing the girl to yelp, her long curly hair was in a complete mess too. "Hurry and pack up, you're dead if we missed the train." Cross barked at the girl who curled up in bed once again as he threw her into the bathroom, along with her washing essentials.

After a good thirty minutes, Guren was finally dressed and proper to leave as the both of them had an equally hectic head of long hair. Cross was a really tall person and Guren had to take very large strides to keep up with him; with one hand holding on to her suitcase, and the other trying to brush her hair, you could say that she was jumping from step to step.

"Where are we going, Cross?" Guren asked as they boarded the train, the conductor seems to be tensed while serving the golden-trimmed coat General as he led them to the far end of the train into a cabin, into an exquisite room.

"Argentina." He said with a puff of his cigar and placed his own luggage on the top compartment. "We will be there for a while before moving on to other places."

Guren nodded as she took Timcampy in her arms and sat opposite Cross in the large room. She watched the landscape outside the window change as she drifted off slowly. Cross eyed the child opposite him and pulled a blanket over her, and left the room for a walk and perhaps some flirting, _'Didn't she just wake up an hour ago?'_

_Guren opened her eyes, taking in the scenery before her. She was in a Victorian decorated cream room, with a beautiful princess bed with fresh flowers on the bed desk. She got off the bed and walked around, feeling a sense of nostalgia in this house. There was a door; maybe she would know where she was if she walked about. As she made her way to the door, she paused in front of the dressing mirror, taking in her own appearance. She stared into the mirror, her reflection wasn't her and yet, it looked so similar to herself, with the unnatural white hair and a pair of ruby orbs. She seemed more European than her current heritage, and she was a grown beautiful grown woman, not the child whose skin was littered with scrapes and bruises. But what caught her eyes were the crosses on parts of her body, on her wrists, ankles and chest. _

_Just then, the door opened as two teenagers burst into the room, strangling each other at their necks. "Don't be so rough, Bondomu." Her own voice spoke out, calling the unfamiliar names as the blond child hugged her waist._

_"Sister! He's bullying me again!"_

_"I'm not! He's the one!" The black haired teen argued as he tried to kick the blond away while climbing onto her back and encircling his arms around her pale shoulders, "She's mine!"_

_"Hands and legs off my lover please, brats." Another voice spoke as she looked up to see a handsome young man, dressed in aristocrat clothing, with a top hat and slightly messed up dark hair. His eyes were a beautiful gold, like the two children with her, filled with gentleness and warmth. He swept the two teenagers off her and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, "How was your sleep, sweetheart?"_

_A smile. She felt her lips curved up as she hooked her arm around his, taking the offered arm casually. "The duke calls for your presence," the smile on her face seems to falter as they exited the bright coloured room, only to find herself in a dark corridor with many murky doors. The three of them seemed so comfortable, but Guren felt a sense of apprehension in her mind as they enter one of the doors._

_It was a dining room, where eleven other people were seated. A man with a colourful top hat and a pumpkin umbrella greeted her, "Good evening, sweet Harmonia. Welcome back to the stage." She felt her stomach sank as she forced a smile. They were all faces she could recognize and put names to, but she felt something deep down in her heart, a feeling of weariness. "My little sister, the Mockingbird, a key figure in this war."_

_"Yes, Millennium Earl." She replied and took a seat at the table. She felt a pair of eyes staring at her as she looked up to meet the Musician, someone of a brotherly figure in their group. But it was a glare as his warning voice resonating in her mind, 'You should not have reincarnated so soon.'_

Guren jolted off from the seat and fell onto the floor, awoken from her sleep. The anger in his voice had always scared her. She looked up to find that Cross was away, but Maria was still the room. She had been having these dreams or memories ever since the first stigma surfaced. Cross had explained that there were different stages in her awakening, and what she was experiencing now was her _Attachments_. These feelings were bittersweet, and sometimes, so painful that she awoke with tears.

She shook off the vivid memories from her mind as she peeked outside the cabin door, but it was just a long corridor and Cross was nowhere in sight. When she was about to close the door, a white hand stopped the door as a man dressed in white, with a big silver case on his back and bandages covering his lower face. "This is General Marian's cabin, why are you in here, child?"

Cross did instruct her that if she were to meet anybody that was related to the order, she must disassociate herself with him at all cost. "I-I… I'm lost, sir. And Cross was willing to drop me off at Argentina."

The Finder was dubious of her explanation, as General Cross didn't exactly have a good reputation in the Black Order, but he closed the door, leaving Guren inside as he stood outside. Guren heaved a sigh of relief as she returned to her seat promptly, not daring to make any further movements. Cross would be pissed that she was found out by someone from the Black Order. There was footsteps and some mumbling behind the door as Cross' scowling face showed up.

"What were you doing loitering outside?"

"I am really sorry." Guren apologized softly as she hugged Tim in her arms again, "Don't be angry."

"When we arrive at Argentina, you will go to my hotel room and just stay there. And I said stay." Cross glared at the girl and exhaled his smoke, "You can go out to play or whatever after the extermination is done. Hear me?"

"Yes, Cross."

* * *

Cross had given the girl the green light to go out as she walked along the streets. Timcampy was sitting on Guren's head as something caught her eye. There was a carnival as she stood at the shooting game stall, looking at the people playing. There were children at the stall, accompanied by their parents as Guren watched how the parents pampered their child, winning toys for them.

She wanted one too.

The stall owner smiled at her, asking if she wanted a try, but Guren merely shook her head. It wouldn't be the same if she did it herself. She continued her way, this time Tim in her arms tightly. Having a small stature seemed to have affected her mannerism, as she would just peeked into the windows because people could hardly see her. It was a dojo, with people dressed in white as they practiced some form of martial arts.

"What are you looking at?" The voice made her jump as she saw Cross from the reflection of the window. "Hmm. You should do this too, maybe you will grow taller," Cross said while chuckling as he ruffled the top of her head. Guren looked at Cross fearfully, but her adoptive parent simply smirked as he picked up the child by her collar, like a kitten and dumped her into the dojo.

_'Is following Cross a mistake?'_ Guren thought frantically as she was changed into a set of white training robes. For that instant, she felt that her future almost seemed bleak, as she swallowed timidly, watching the throwing training.

* * *

"I haven't seen you in days and you look _horrible_, Guren." Cross said nonchalantly as she was seated opposite him, in her usual white long shirt and black shorts, and her long curled hair framed the sides of her face. Her white hair might have been the most striking characteristic, but this time, it was the colourful bruises on her porcelain skin.

They were in Canada this time, just dining leisurely in a restaurant. It had been three years since Cross took her in, and they had travelled around the globe. It was an enjoyable trip for Cross at least, since Guren had it hard most of the time. She had to use _certain_ methods for their financing and Cross was a demon. He seemed to enjoy the idea of letting her learn some self-defence and had been depositing her at various learning centres at whichever countries they were at. This time, she was learning boxing.

"It's your fault, Cross." Guren said softly as the wound on her lips ached. She heard him laughing at her hard luck and turned her head away haughtily. She wasn't really angry, but this was just their form of communication. Cross was not a man of good words, or so Guren thought, maybe this was just his method of parenting. She was neither an Exorcist like him, nor was she able to intimidate any of her attackers with her fun-sized packaging as Cross only wanted for her to be able to defend herself in his absence. There was some ruckus going on outside the restaurant as Guren turned her head to look at the source, and when she returned her eyes to her food, Cross was gone. _Oh._ Those people outside were creditors.

"How dare you take money from my woman, Cross!"

"You better pay back your debt today!"

The words _'money'_ and _'debt'_ caught her attention as she grabbed Timcampy by its wing and took off when she heard them calling for her to pay up in Cross' place. She ran with all her might while her muscles screamed to have a break. There was a small river as she jumped off the river bank, onto a moving boat and scrambled her ass to the other side of the bank, but not forgetting a return favour as she stuck out her tongue at them. She ran into an alley to be away from their sight as she was finally able to rest. This situation had occurred _so_ many times. Cross sure knew how to create the ups and downs in her life.

She leaned against the wall in the tight alley, panting hard but a cough caused her to jerk up slightly. She was blocking the way of a person dressed in white, a familiar Finder. Why was she so unlucky today? She kicked Timcampy behind her and pretended she didn't know him, trying to avert her eyes at a miserable attempt.

"You are General Marian's acquaintance." The finder said calmly, looking at Timcampy, whom was peering out from the girl's side.

"No. That's not mine, it just _followed_ me." Guren gave a forced smile and tried to shoo Tim away, "_See?_"

"It's alright. The General's personal life is not for us to interfere about." He said simply and stared at the child that had grown a little. That time when he met the child on the train, it was also the last time Marian Cross has reported back to the organization. Why did Cross associate himself with this girl, was she the reason for his cut-off from the Order? "But you ought to know that the Dark Order is searching for General Marian who had broken contact for the past three years. You need to be careful."

"Oh," Guren stopped with fretting, and reached out her right hand, "I'm Guren Kreszenz."

"Toma." The Finder replied and shook her small hand. "This might be rude, but, Miss Kreszenz, could you be the General's daughter?"

"No!" She shouted a little too abruptly, "I'm just a stray he picked up. You can just call me Ren, Mister Toma."

"It's just that my curiosity got ahead of me, I'm sorry to bring up your past, Ren. You can address me by my name as well." Toma replied, an apologetic look in his eyes for questioning the sweet and polite child. He dug into his pocket for a while, and placed something in Guren's hand. It was a piece of candy. "You will need more strength to run away from the General's creditors."

She laughed at his comment, nodding at the same time. "May you be safe in your journey."

* * *

The two were in a lottery game stall, and Guren had helped Cross won the grand price, consisting of a pair of tickets to Paris from a scratch card. On the side was a dart throwing game as he looked at the prizes, there was a few good ones consisting of cash prizes and tour tickets. "Do you want to have a go at the darts, sir?" The stall owner asked Cross as his sharp eyes scanned passed the prizes, he looked briefly at Guren, the young girl he adopted three years ago, and caught her looking at the toys. _'Come to think of it, she never asked for anything before._' Cross paid for a game as he threw his dart, aiming perfectly in the red spot. He didn't spent time in bars for nothing, and he needed to impress women anyway. Using all the darts and getting consecutive hits on the red spot, he was eligible for the grand prize _again_. "I want _that_ cat."

He said firmly, as the stall owner looked at the said item, which was only under the consolation prizes, "Sir, you are eligible for the grand prize."

"This young lady wants that." Guren looked up at the tall Cross after hearing her statement as the stall owner gave her the prize. It was a simple black cat plush with buttons for eyes, as she hugged it in her arms tightly. "Happy?"

She nodded her head and resumed trailing behind Cross. Her head was down as her face was flushed with happiness, _'He cares...'_

* * *

"This church is haunted at night. Singing can be heard at night." Cross said in a simple statement that stopped Guren in her tracks. They were in a cathedral, Notre Dame de Paris, and Guren was just walking around, admiring its beauty. And it was dark outside.

"How can a church be haunted?" There was only the two of them in the church as they just arrived in Paris around midnight and Cross decided to visit the church on impulse. She was carrying her suitcase in one hand as usual, and the soft toy she received from Cross, whom she named, Pierre, was tied with ribbons by the neck and arms and carried on her back like a bag. Just when she said that, there was a blast as AKUMAs were gathered outside the church. "Is this the _haunted_ part?" She shouted while running for her life in the midst of the battle of gunfire between Cross and the Level Ones.

"Maria, Magdala Curtain." Cross said as he unsealed the Grave of Maria, "Take Guren into the inner chambers." It wasn't the first time she met Maria; to Guren, Maria was a beautiful and strong figure, something she aimed to become. Guren held Maria's hand as they walked into the room where the Grandes Orgues was situated. It was simply magnificent as Guren tried to take in all its visual beauty, it was like the organ was calling for her as she walked towards it. Maria attempted to pull the child back but Guren continued walking almost unconsciously, and finally stopped in front of the organ. She reached out one finger and touched a key lightly, the tone echoed in the room as all the bells in the church resonated at the same time.

Maria then put a hand on Guren's shoulder, encouraging her to continue. She wasn't sure how, but she played a melody that was always in the background when she was dreaming about her past, it felt as though it was the Mockingbird playing the organ. Her hands jerked away from the keyboard when she came to her sense as Cross entered the room, with Judgement resting on his shoulder lazily. "What did you do? The AKUMAs were purified just now."

"I-I don't know." She replied, still staring at the organ as her eyes noticed something glowing in one of the pipes. "My hands were moving by themselves."

"That's nothing. The Fifteenth was an accomplished musician. I meant the exorcism par-"

"Cross." She cut into his statement and pointed at the glowing point on the pipe, "Is_ that_ the g-ghost?"

Cross looked at what she was pointing at, a faint green glow in the pipes, which could only be one thing. "Go take it." Guren nodded as she took off her shoes and climbed onto the organ. Slowly, she made her way up the side of the pipes, and finally reached the one she was pointing at. She peeked into the pipe to find something glowing green at the base, but there's no way she could reach it. "Call it, you are the host."

"Host?"

"You synchronized with the Innocence to exorcise the AKUMAs just now." Guren was unsure of his words as she placed her hand on top of the pipe. Slowly, the green glow seems to be coming nearer to her view as it flew out from the pipe and landed in her hand, it was a small piece of a pendant in the shape of a cross.

_'This is my Innocence?'_

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_Limbo in this context is actually the place where reality and exit doesn't exist. While Khaos, the greek word for Chaos, refers to being formless and empty, the gap between heaven and hell, similar to the gray area in the context to D. Gray-Man. _

_Wikipedia:** Harmonia** is the immortal goddess of harmony and concord. She dons a robe "dipped in crime", given to Harmonia by Hephestus and Athena which brings misfortune to all who possessed it.  
_

_I made Cross plain evil when he said "Make me rich, Guren," trying to make use of a child to earn money XD The ending part when she played the piano, she was actually playing the Musician's song for the ark._

_To **Lathya**: Err, the papers thing. I didn't want to explain in their dialogue because I was trying to make the impression of Cross being very casual, that he does thing as he please, like how he randomly picked a name for her. And this is just the prologue, so not much information yet.. And the akuma, died, yes he killed it right away, in one shot I guess, before Cross said he is an exorcist. OH. I forgot to write about how she was feeling. Hahaha. I edited it in (: Please reread the ending of the previous chapter and thank you for reviewing~_


	3. Life

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: I think I might be too brief on the relationship between Guren, Cross and Allen. But I want to rush to the part where Tyki and Kanda appears ):_

Recap:

_'This is my Innocence?'_

_Update 2011, September 21st: Hello! I finally integrated the new plot line into my story! Allen's meeting with Guren is now more defined._

* * *

As Your Lover – Life

"There, perfect." Cross said as a smirk and his cigarette hung at the side of his lips, while Guren looked like she was trying to hold back her tears. She jumped off the seat and went in front of the mirror, sticking out her stinging tongue to have a look. Her demon of an adoptive father decided to forge her Innocence into a silver straight barbell tongue piercing with a logo button of a cross. He explained that that would be the best way for her to conceal the Innocence, and that it could be with her at all times. On occasions like this, Guren would doubt whether Cross would really manage as her father.

"Stupid Cross, it hurts." She felt her words being slurred out as she sighed, "Such a bratty father."

"Oi, oi. Don't talk like I don't exist." Cross said as he pulled Guren up by the collar again and placed her on the couch beside him. He took the cigarette into his fingers and leaned back, "You should be worrying now. Although I said there was a possibility, but I have never heard of a Noah being compatible with the Innocence."

"Maybe it is because I'm still human, not Noah yet."

Cross looked at his girl, calm, from the corner of his eyes as he placed a hand on her head, "Be careful when you use the Innocence. You won't want to be eaten up by it and turned into a Fallen One." Maybe he was worried. Just a little only. He heaved a puff of smoke and watched the girl played with the foreign object in her mouth. There was no telling whether the Innocence would reject her when she awakens slowly, but the Innocence had found her on its own. This situation was just confusing. He hated it when things were unclear. The only information he had known about the Last Noah from Mana was that she held the _'Power of Words'_ and _'Truth'_, but he didn't understand why she was the _Mockingbird_. Wasn't a mockingbird just a bird that sings? And how was she the medicine? He sighed again.

* * *

"Come on, let's go AKUMA hunting." Cross said while picking up the Grave of Maria on his suitcase. The only way to know about her Innocence would be trying it out. They walked in the streets, and as usual, the pair attracted a lot of attention with his flashy uniform and her strange appearance. Cross smirked as he walked into a more seclude part of the town, the AKUMAs had caught on. "I won't be calling Maria, you are going to protect yourself."

Following the end of his sentence, the concealed AKUMAs emerged as Guren hid behind Cross. "But, I don't know how."

"I know you'll learn fast." He picked her and threw the girl out front as she stared at the AKUMAs, "Use your Innocence." Guren heard his instruction clearly, but she didn't know how to invoke it, or even how her Innocence worked. She barely dodged the bullets as she was practically rolling about on the ground. "Don't lie around on the ground, do something. You saw how people were killed by AKUMAs right? What are you going to do now?"

Guren thought back about their incidents with the AKUMAs, there were times where the locals were caught in the gunfire. Guren was well under the protection of Maria as she watched the powerless humans turned to dust. She didn't like it. She hated fighting. She _hated_ wars.

Wars.

The word echoed in her mind as a repulsive feeling lurched in the pits of her stomach. Yes, the mockingbird loathed war, and all she wanted was to sing. She may be a future member of the Noah Clan, but her wish was all the same, to bring salvation to humankind.

"Innocence, invoke," she said calmly as she placed a hand on the cannon head that was pointing at her. The tongue stud in her mouth glowed and a white feathered mask held the lower portion of her face, extending a pair of miniature wings on her ears. A repetitive alluring hymn escaped from her covered lips and reverberated in the air, the _Seraphic Melody_, as the AKUMAs within hearing range were purified and turned into dust.

Cross watched her as he fired Judgement onto the few loitering AKUMAs left in the air. _'So it's a defensive equipment type. Not exactly the best weapon out there. It works like Maria's Innocence. So the Fifteenth's alias had something to do with her musical abilities. In the end, she's still needs my help after all.'_ Cross sighed again, for the third time in the short period. A daughter that was a living time bomb, just waiting for the Earl to find her and create havoc. Everything just reinforces why he didn't want to settle down and have a family. Children.

* * *

"Seraphic Lullaby," Guren said after invoking her Innocence as she sang a gentle lullaby, sending a wave of drowsiness to the AKUMAs as they dropped onto the ground, into a deep slumber. She had to continue singing in order for her ability to stay in effect, as Cross took down the sleeping AKUMAs in one shot. She deactivated her Innocence as the mask dissolved into feathers.

"Why am I helping with the exorcism? Isn't this your work?" Guren complained as she swept the dust off her clothes, she was already eleven, but Pierre was still hanging by her back. She seemed to have grown fond of wearing clothes in a cooling manner, as she wore a pair of black shorts with suspenders and a white fitting spaghetti top with a pair of black sneakers. As usual, her body were covered with small bruises but her hair was cropped short, curled waves hanging off her shoulders and her fringe swept to her left, tugged behind her ear for convenience.

"A daughter should be happy to help with her father's job."

"Yes, yes, _loving_ Dad." Guren said with fake annoyance as she carried her floral suitcase in her hands again. She was happy that she was of use to Cross, and this gave her a reason to be by his side. Guren strolled beside Cross, and her frame was still as small as ever, standing only at the height of his waist. "Cross, why can't I go to the headquarters with you? I'm an exorcist now."

"I thought we talked about this before." He slanted his eyes to look at her scarlet eyes, "You are different. I don't want the Central to get a hold on you."

"But I want to make friends like the other children. We're always moving around. I like Cross. But…" Guren bit her lips to stop herself from talking. She was being selfish, and immature. A large hand weighed on top of her head, mussing her hair. Guren felt remorseful of her words, that she was taking Cross for granted. She exhaled dramatically, "I guess having a troublesome Dad is more than enough," she smiled genuinely while looking at Cross' amused face.

* * *

Cross looked down at the child, whose hair had turned from brown to white as of the death of his adoptive father. This child, was the one he needed to take with him. The important vessel he had been searching for so long. The Innocence had attached onto two of the fifteen Noahs, and both of them would be on the side of the Black Order this time. But could the Innocence really changed the two children's destiny? It's a high risk nevertheless, for him to conceal two big secrets. "You want to become an Exorcist?"

Another child to be in his care.

He hated children.

_'I wonder how will Guren react? But oh well. She should be able to take care of him and leave me more free time.'_

* * *

Guren was curled up under the sheets, tired over her studies and combat training in the day. A recognizable large hand shook her dainty body. The girl refused to budge as she hugged Pierre and her blanket tighter. Her entire frame was dangled in the air by her left foot, but the stubborn girl still refused to open her eyes. Peace seemed to return after she flopped back down on the cooling sheets, until she felt her lungs tightening and her eyes snapped open. Cross had clamped his hand on her face, preventing her from breathing. "Were you trying to murder me in my sleep?" Guren said as she looked at his face, puffing her cheeks in resentment. But Guren dropped her act when she saw the seriousness in Cross' face as she straightened herself, becoming more alert. Cross was carrying a child in his arm, hair white like snow, and blood staining his face crimson. She tried to lighten the situation as she took the boy from Cross, "So the reason why you disappeared without explaining is to kidnap this child?"

"What? Did you think a wonderful man such as myself would be reduced to taking ransoms?"

"Yes." Guren wiped away the blood on the unconscious boy's face as her fingers traced the strange cut gingerly. She could feel his deformed arm, noticing the green glow of the Innocence embedded into his hand. She swallowed the bile that threatened to climb up her throat. Her mind was in a mess, at the sight of the new child, and she felt extremely sick in the pits of her stomach, despite the child doing nothing to harm her at all. It was like she was feeling fear. "What is his name?"

"Allen. You know him." Cross replied, lighting up a cigarette with one hand, while the other rested on his daughter's head. "Thread gently on your memories."

Guren was confused about his statement, but that only lasted a moment, when the familiar waves of pain hit her. She pushed the boy away from her as she gripped her head tightly, memories of her past lives fleeted past her eyes as the voices in her ears got louder. Cries. Giggles. Screams. Singing. Fighting. It was all too confusing for her to focus at all, as Cross held his daughter close, trying to soothe her own screaming. Guren's disorientated eyes stared at Allen, lying before her as his shadow brought about dread in her, as she heard the sound of the piano and _His_ voice. _'You should not have reincarnated so soon.'_

A small red dot formed on her right wrist, followed by her ankles, as they begun blooming into vivid crosses, drawing blood and excruciation in Guren as she mumbled while in her father's arms. "B-Brother… Don't punish me anymore." That boy, an Exorcist, was the vessel they had been searching for, the body for Nea's reincarnation, Guren thought as she fell into a deep sleep again, enveloped by the ghost of her past.

* * *

_She sat beside the Musician, as he moved his hands along the keyboard of the white grand piano, the beautiful melody gently playing in the air. Her lips parted as she sang the song played at the cathedral back then, joined in the harmony of the Musician's playing. _

_The Musician played the melody._

_The Mockingbird sung the lyrics._

_And the Millennium Earl gave meaning to this simple song._

* * *

_"Dear Harmonia," the sickening sweet voice of the Duke called her name, "Why don't you give us a blessing before your siblings leave for the battle."_

_She nodded her head and held her fiancé's gloved hands, while looking at the other twelve members. "The Noah clan will stand victorious, over the Innocence." Her voice was firm, with weight, and her crimson eyes shone with confidence._

_"Of course, of course. Khaos is the chosen one blessed with the 'Gospel', and the outcome of the war will be as our mockingbird says." The Duke said with a sinister laughter as worried sunk in her, not for her family, but for the people that were different from them. It would be their deaths, just as she said, the power of her words stays strong, as long as she believes._

* * *

_"Come here, I'll play a song for you." Her favourite clingy twins settled down on the cushions beside her quietly. They were covered in small cuts and bruises, from their fight with the people who wielded the Innocence. She moved her hands smoothly across the strings of the harp, singing a gentle lullaby, as the stigmas were evident on both her wrist._

_Once there was a way to get back homeward  
Once there was a way to get back home  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby_

_Golden slumbers fill your eyes  
Smiles awake you when you rise  
Sleep pretty darling do not cry  
And I will sing a lullaby_

_The twins closed their eyes, giving in to slumber as the pain from their injuries eased and the marks faded into nothingness. The Noah of Void was borne from a wish made by humans, someone to bring salvation to humankind, and to love them unconditionally like how Harmonia only seek for concord and peace as she veiled them with her robe for protection. She was the one, who was blessed with what humans wished they could do, to see the 'Truth', to verbalize the 'Gospel', and to write the 'Genesis'. But sometimes, they have to be careful of what they wish for…_

_It was a sin to kill the mockingbird, it never harmed, but only sang for people. However, what happens when the mockingbird was the one who sinned?_

* * *

Her eyelashes fluttered as she finally opened her eyes, after such a long dream. She lifted up her hand, looking at her bandaged wrist. _''Life'. So the countdown had started.'_ Guren stretched her tired body, as she whined slightly from the dulling pain. Guren looked around, to find herself in an unfamiliar environment. Had they moved while she was asleep? How long was she out for anyway? Guren set her naked feet on the cold floor as she walked towards the wooden door. This was a place she had never seen before, and she was sure that it wasn't a hotel. Why did Cross had to shift anyway, was it because of the Musician?

She was greeted by a strange bald man when the door opened, as he giggled and carried her to his arms, causing a blush to form on her cheeks at being treated like a child. "Hello, little Guren! I am Barba! You are so tiny!" He greeted and continued swinging her around in his arms, as Guren was helpless against the big man with her fun-sized packaging. In the midst of twirling, she caught a glimpse of Cross, sitting at the dining table with a cigar between his fingers, and an elder woman sat smoking as well.

"Put her down, Barba." The elderly woman said simply, her voice was stern as Guren straightened up almost immediately, feeling like she was being reprimanded as well. "Let me see you clearly," as Guren walked towards the elder. Her eyes were clouded, as though her vision almost gone, but Guren felt that it wasn't the case, when the elder woman stared into her own red eyes with such intensity. "Are you going to be with the humankind this time, little Miss?"

Guren was taken aback by her question as she looked at Cross, but his attention was elsewhere. She had never really thought about that question before. All she knew was that she was Cross' child, and she found out that she was a Noah, and shortly after, an Exorcist. But she had never placed the pieces together before. It never occurred to her that she had to choose the path she wished to follow. "I don't know, Madam."

"Why is that so?"

"Because I don't know how I will take humanity when I awaken fully." She said, trailing off gently, not wanting to continue on the conversation any further. Her memories and dreams were often painful, filled with the sins of humans and the negative emotions. She didn't know how long she could stay innocent as she was, to not judge the humankind. Truthfully, she was fearful of her awakening.

"Fine," the elder woman said with a puff of her cigarette, "I seemed to have forgotten to introduce myself. You can call me Mother."

"I am Guren Kreszenz, dear Madam."

"It seems Cross Marian had thought you well." The confused look on Guren's face made the elder woman continue talking, ever so softly and calm. "He arrived two nights ago, carrying you on his back, and the other child in his arm. I have never seen Marian so flustered before." Cross snorted and mumbled something under his breath but Guren couldn't hear it from where she was standing. "I never thought he could have a child of his own."

"Cross had shown great mercy to a homeless like me."

"You are wrong. You have shown great mercy to a selfish man like him." She continued, but a look of sternness replaced her previous gentler one, "You picked this path, to walk along with a human, and to become an Exorcist. Nothing in this world is a coincidence. Be prepared for your future, it will be tough." Guren stood there, thinking about Mother's words, not moving at all even though the conversation had already ended. Mother seemed bothered with it, as she turned the whitehead around by her shoulders, "Run along, child. I'm sure you have much to say to Allen."

Allen?

Right, the child Cross brought back. The vessel. She walked past Cross, looking at him with an assuring smile. The door opened soundlessly as she saw the younger child's sleeping figure on the bed. She sat by his bed and stared at his profile curiously. The side of his face was bandaged up, as his pure white hair framed his pale face gently.

Her fingers tugged at the strands of white, as she found herself wondering. They were so alike. Hair, white as snow. Eyes cursed to see the _Truth_. Their bodies waiting to be consumed by the Noah. And yet. The Innocence that had latched on to them despite knowing what they were.

How strange.

Curious.

Allen shifted under her soft touches as the boy's lone visible eyes jerked opened, soulless grey eye taking in his intruder. Guren could feel the muscles in his body tensing, a feeling of apprehension and perhaps, retaliation. She placed her palm on his bandaged cheek, thumb gently caressing over his wound.

_Lay down your head  
And I'll sing you a lullaby  
Back to the years of innocence_

"Hello Allen, I am going to be your sister from today onwards. You can call me Ren. Will you trust me?"

* * *

Weeks had past, and Guren had never heard the boy said a word. All he did was screamed. Guren had heard about Allen's story, about how he made his loved one into an AKUMA. She couldn't comprehend the pain Allen felt, but the least she could do was to be there for him. She had never lost a loved one before, but the attachments and feelings of loss she felt during the first awakening churned in the pits of her stomach. Cross was the only family she had now. Would she be the same if Cross had left her, a lifeless shell, just waiting to fall into hell?

He had never cried before. Even after losing his voice, he never moved nor tried to. Guren would often just sit beside him, reading a book, giving him the comfort he needed in silence. It seemed that after their second meeting, Allen was only calm in her presence. Was it because of her Noah? Or was it because he trusted her? Guren didn't know the answer as well. When she first met him, she smiled, because he was the vessel for the Musician, her family. But now, she didn't know how to feel.

Unlike her, once Nea awakens, the boy, Allen, would disappear for eternity. Should she be happy that she gained a brother? Or should she be upset that a child's life has been set for destruction? It was like she was repenting. Just sitting in silence with young Allen. Her mind often wondered back to her memories, thinking about her attachments and her past lives, her rights and wrong, and above all, the only person she yearned for and yet, not being able to recall anything about that person.

Cross had taken up the duty of nursing Allen through this sensitive period, after Mother refused to let Guren do the job. But she just felt it wasn't enough for her to just sit around and do nothing. After weeks of silence with Allen, she finally spoke. "What is Mana like? I heard that he was a gentleman, unlike Cross," she chuckled at the comparison. Cross Marian was never a gentleman, he was a narcissistic vagrant. "Mana always said, _'Never stand still, always keep walking,' _what does it mean to you, Allen?"

_You were my conscience  
So solid, now you're like water  
And we started drowning_

She turned to look at the child, curled up in the corner as tears began spilling from his tired eye. "Don't give up," she heard him mumbling as she started crying as well. This boy was just so strange. Why was he affecting her so much? His sadness, made her so guilty, taking a piece of her heart with him. She hugged him gently, and sobbed without a care to the world with Allen, crying out all her pent-up emotions.

Allen cried for his loss.

She cried for her gains. Too much memories, too much pain, too much suffering. She just wanted to be Cross' child and nothing more.

* * *

Guren lay in bed, her stomach making noise from the lack of food. It had been two days since they left Mother's cottage, continuing on their own journey. Cross had been gone for the whole day, leaving no money or food, even her secret stash of money in her briefcase was gone. She sighed, "I'm hungry…" She rolled around, eyes finally settled on her new roommate, Allen Walker. He had gained Mana's last name, just like how she had Cross' without having any blood relation to him. "Are you hungry too?" The answer was clear when a growl was heard from his stomach. She felt bad for letting the boy starved with her as she got off the bed and changed out of her lounge clothes quickly, not caring if he was in the room. She took his hand as they left the hotel after saying_ 'goodbye'_ to the sleeping Maria.

They stopped walking as Guren made Allen sit on at the fountain. "You got to learn how to earn money to survive from now on," she said to Allen with a pat on his white head after removing the cap she placed on him earlier on. She stood in front of the fountain, as the moving crowd heed no attention to her. Placing the cap on the ground, she slapped her hands twice, attracting attention as she smiled at the onlookers.

_Kanske vil der gå både Vinter og Vår  
og næste Sommer med, og det hele År  
men engang vil du komme, det ved jeg vist  
og jeg skal nok vente, for det lovte jeg sidst_

_Gud styrke dig, hvor du i Verden går  
Gud glæde dig, hvis du for hans Fodskammel star  
Her skal jeg vente til du kommer igjen  
og venter du hist oppe, vi træffes der, min Ven_

Her voice sounded in the air, like hitting against glass, sending an unclouded and honest message to her audience. Guren felt something different from before, it wasn't her first time busking, but the atmosphere seemed somewhat intense. People stopped in their tracks and listened to her, forming a small group around the fountain. It was the _Gospel_, and the people heard her voice and sincerity. But it wasn't supposed to happen. It's like her new found ability was being used unconsciously, differing greatly from _Truth_ which she could hardly use it effectively. Shaking her doubts out of her head, she picked up the cap and turned to Allen. "There, money for the next step." She returned the cap to his head as they continued along the streets. They walked into a tavern as Guren easily multiplied their money to a good sum using some _abilities_ and tricks.

"How did you do that, Miss Guren?" Allen asked, while eating on his third bowl of rice as Guren sat opposite him in the restaurant, having finished her food.

"Just call me Ren, Allen. What did I do?"

"You always guessed the cards or dices exactly."

"That's my skill." She explained with a smile, seeing him move on to the fifth bowl of rice. "You have… A unique hand, Allen." She said, looking at the deformed red hand under his layer of clothes. '_I didn't know the Innocence would cause deformity on the host's body…'_

"Master says that it's because of the Innocence, and he will teach me how to become an exorcist."

"I'm sure you will be a fine exorcist." She said with a forced smile, thinking back of her harsh trainings and the irresponsible ways of Cross, "but it's going to be a _long_ road ahead."

There was shouting outside the restaurant. _Such a terribly familiar scene this was._

"Allen, are you a good runner?" She asked suddenly as the boy looked confused at his question. She just smiled and pulled him along, heading out of the restaurant, "Being good at escaping is important for survival under General Cross Marian!"

* * *

"Didn't I say not to come into the bathroom when I'm using it?" Allen yelled and jumped into the bathtub, trying to hide as much of his body as possible. Guren had a towel wrapped around her pale body as she used the shower. "Master will be angry if he knows of this, Ren." He submerged himself all the way to his chin, and kept his eyes away from her figure. A painful memory from two years ago surfaced as he sighed, if Cross was a demon, then Guren would be the naïve girl who pushed him into hell unknowingly.

_The two of them were deep in sleep in the middle of the night as Guren had used the younger Allen as a body warmer. Allen was awoken by the creak of the opening door; opening his sleepy eyes, to see the shadow of his fear, Cross Marian. He stood there, scrutinizing the two, and then proceeding to pull Allen out of the bed and onto the floor. _

_"Don't let me see you having skin contact with Guren, stupid apprentice!" Cross shot him a death glare and squatted down, with a menacing face, "And, you better make sure that if she is injured, you are to be even more injured than her. If not…" Cross' evil laughter filled the air, with Guren still sleeping and Allen trembling in fear of what his master would actually do. _

He was already thirteenth this year, and Guren, two years her senior, always treated him like a child. He's a growing teenager, while she was a maiden, and she always dressed so _sparely_, it was not hard for him to not grow up. The older girl merely laughed it off as she joined him in the tub, sitting at the far end. Allen's eyes trailed to her naked shoulders and neck as there were a few injuries. Sometimes, he felt that his master was being biased, treating her better than him, leaving him with debts and labour. But seeing Guren, she was also suffering, in her own way that he didn't understand. Her smile seemed permanently plaster onto her face, no matter how much trouble they were in, _because of Cross, _it never faded, at least not for long. And she never abandoned him, at the beginning, she helped him pay the debts when he was caught, and then she thought him how to _play_ poker. Why was someone so sweet like her, so vulnerable and yet wants to be with the demonic Cross?

"Guren, why do you stay with Cross?"

"Hmm…" Guren tilted her head, thinking hard, her curled silvery hair in a messy bun on the top of her head, "Because I love him."

She smiled. Allen didn't understand. In his eyes, they were like a demon and an angel, which ones' which was obvious. He knew Cross was a womanizer, but would he actually prey on an innocent girl like Guren. Now he was worried. She was supposed to be the big sister he could depend on, but it seemed to have changed over time, the petite Guren always needed someone to look after her. Like _now_. Allen watched as Guren nodded off, her long eyelashes fluttering, head leaning on the side of the wall, that girl sure could sleep _anywhere_.

* * *

Allen watched Guren, all dressed up with makeup on. She was stunning, at least to him. "Allen, can you help me lace up the back of the dress?" He walked to her and gently tugged on the ribbons to tighten the back of her dress. She was wearing figure hugging black strapless dress that reached her ankles, with a long slit up her left thigh revealing her legs and a pair of stilettos.

The floral scent from her body dropped him into a dreamy state, as he arranged the loose updo of her hair. He met her eyes from the mirror's reflection as she smiled, causing the younger boy to blush as he looked away quickly. "It's pretty right? Cross bought the dress for me."

Right.

He forgot.

"Yes, it's beautiful."

She was in love with Cross.

"We won't be back anytime soon, be careful of creditors, okay?"

Her smile was beautiful. But it looked like she was smiling for someone else, not just him. He was just another person in her life. He was just Allen to her, the little boy they picked up.

"You too."

He was with Cross for almost three years, as his apprentice, but the General had never thought him how to use his Anti-AKUMA weapon. All Cross did was leave debts for him, made him work for him, and always disappear with Guren.

He looked at his slightly numbed crimson left hand, _'Will I have the power to protect anyone, Mana?'_

* * *

The casino was a grand place, with magnificent lighting and furniture as men waltz through the halls with beautiful woman in their arms. And Cross and Guren fitted into the setup completely, acting like a couple with Cross' arm around her shoulders loosely. Women cooed at Cross, and men whistled at Guren when they passed by. They settled down in at the Roulette table, with Cross leaning at the sitting on the grand chair and Guren hanging her arms around his neck while standing behind him. Cross held a single yellow chip in his fingers as eyes were on their table, seeing that the man was going to bet with a thousand credit chip.

"Thirteen, black." Guren said just loud enough for the surrounding people to listen into, as Cross placed the chip on the number she specified. Guren looked at the croupier, studying his name tag and locked her crimson eyes onto the croupier's, "It will land on Thirteen, don't you think so, _Mister Luc Tailleur_?"

With her question, the croupier dropped the ball into the spinning wheel, as they watched the momentum on the wheel decreased slowly. All eyes were on the ball, as it spun and finally stopped at one of the pockets. In the black pocket, number thirteen. "Sweet, Cross." Guren said as they collected their chips and continued playing the game.

* * *

Guren was in Cross' arms, barely awake, the hangover from drinking all the alcohol at the casino was splitting her head. She tried to make out where they were heading for, as she heard the loud whistle from the train conductor. "Cross, Allen's not here yet. Where are we going?" She mumbled as Timcampy drop her floral suitcase and Pierre beside her.

"Go to Black Order's European branch." Cross said as he pulled a cardigan over her small frame, "I have the map in your suitcase and there is a letter that you need to pass to Komui when you reached the headquarters."

"Am I going alone?" She asked, finally noticing the seriousness of the situation.

"Just take your time to get there, that place simply gives me a headache."

"I don't want to be alone! Cross!"

"You can't follow me to Edo. The fat man is stationed right there."

"Are you throwing me away? D-Dad?" Guren was on the verge of tears as her voice came out cracked and soft, while she gripped onto his coat.

"You will be safer with Komui. Try to stay alive and out of trouble, Guren Kreszenz Marian." He hugged her lightly before pushing her onto the leaving train, "Don't forget about the countdown, and stay away from the Noahs."

"Dad!" She called him from the departing train as she cried for the first time since Cross found her. Cross watched the train leave the station as he lit a cigarette, she was his daughter after all. He did make sure to prepare her for this day, that his girl must be able to protect herself.

Damn.

He hated children.

They always made an impact on him.

And how was he going to explain to the other brat?

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_When Allen said she was smiling at someone else, he felt that Guren was smiling at his shadow and not him, it's like an intuitive feeling for him. And Cross and Guren kept her status as an Exorcist, Noah and their father-daughter relationship a secret to Allen. Allen was also lost about why Guren was always missing with Cross, so the truth is that they are either gambling or doing exorcism. And I'm sorry if this chapter felt a little like AllenXGuren, it's not going to be like this in the future chapters. _

_And I seriously hope you don't feel that Guren is a Mary sue, and she will have a bad past and stuff, and she has unique appearance and powers, but this was because of her heritage as a Noah ): I hope I can justify this properly in the future chapters._

_I know it's bad for them to be cheating but oh well~ So now, Guren have better control of her ability to use 'Gospel', which is the power of words, therefore she could affect the results of the roulette game._

_This is the end of her past with Allen and Cross, I hope it's not too brief… You can leave a comment if there's question, and I can put them into the future chapters (:_

_Just some extras. The songs are really nice._

- _Seraphic Melody (Lies - Evanescence)_

- _Seraphic Lullaby (Goodnight my Angel - Celtic Woman)_

- _Divine Canary (Listen to The Rain - Evanescence) -To be covered later-_

- _Love Song (Goodnight - Evanescence) -To be covered later-_

_- Holy Cradle (Last Rose of Summer – Celtic Woman) -To be covered later-_

_The song she sung in her dream is Golden Slumbers by the Beatles. The second song she sung while busking is Solveig's Song in Norwegian._


	4. Sufferings and Love

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: OMG! TYKI! FINALLY!_

Recap:

_"Dad!" She called him from the departing train as she cried for the first time since Cross found her. Cross watched the train leave the station as he lit a cigarette, she was his daughter after all. He did make sure to prepare her for this day, that his girl must be able to protect herself._

_Editted on 2012, May 15th.  
_

* * *

As Your Lover – Sufferings and Love

Guren leaned her head against the window frame of the moving train, hugging her legs, tired out from all that senseless crying. There were three letters in her suitcase, one addressed to Komui, one storing some money, and the last one was for her. She hugged Pierre in one arm as she opened up the thin letter.

_I'm giving you unlimited time to reach the European Branch.  
It would be better if you don't go. Just stay in Europe,  
walk around and keep clear of the Noahs. You won't want to  
be kidnapped after fainting from the effects of the stigma  
surfacing. And keep everything a secret from the Black Order.  
Just lie and say I found you as a host and sent you to them.  
There's a map on the back. Bye. Have fun._

_P.S. Burn this letter._

She flipped the paper over, to see a poorly drawn continent of Europe and a dot, labelled 'Black Order', and that was it. Of course, this was Cross she's talking about and his methods were just like him, utterly irresponsible. Some map this was. Her train ticket would end at Italy, and she had to ask around for where the Black Order could be at. All she could remember about the European Branch from Cross' words were that it was a _'disgusting, old, creepy castle on the top of a damn cliff.'_ Oh, and he left out what country the European Branch was located at.

_'Will Allen be alright?'_ Guren worried as she tore the letter into pieces and threw them out of the window, _"I hope Cross don't bully Allen too much…"_

* * *

Guren got off the train in the heart of Italy, Rome, carrying her suitcase and Pierre, still dressed in her gown. The first thing she needed, was lodging. She walked around, deciding to go for a stay in the hostel rather than a hotel to cut down on her expenditure.

"Are you a tourist?" The hostel owner asked as he passed Guren her keys, "It's not safe for a pretty girl like you to travel alone."

"I'm just looking for historical sites, thank you." She replied with a smile and took her belongings up to the third story, a small bedroom with an attached bathroom. She fell onto the bed slothfully, sinking into the clean bed sheets completely. So much had happened since the night before. Guren had to assure herself more than a thousand and one times that she wasn't abandoned, she had just gained independence. But she just felt so insecure. She never thought that there would be a day she would be separated from Cross, and she was already so used to the closeness and bond she had with him and Allen. And now, it was just her. She felt so alone, somewhat experiencing the feelings from her dreams. Her mind was exhausted from all the thinking as she allowed sleep to take her, closing her tired eyes.

She was awoken by the morning rays shining through the thin curtains, as she flipped onto her side, blinking slightly, to look at the room before her. It was quiet and empty. Being alone was really different. It was terribly quiet, like all sounds had been muted to her. There was no Allen to wake her up and no Cross to boss her around in the morning. She was already starting to miss them.

She went into the showers and changed into a pair of fitting black pants and a white cropped tee with a pair of shoes. She gathered all her belongings with her and left the hostel. The sun was at its peak as her pearly hair seems to be glowing under all the light, making her quite the attention-grabber. She stopped by a clothing store, browsing at the available goods, _'Should I get a wig or a cap?'_ Guren looked around as she finally decided on a grey loose knitted newsboy cap that hid her hair perfectly.

She yawned and stretched her tired limbs. Her suitcase was starting to feel heavy as she walked. None of the sites here matched the description of the Headquarters. The most historic site, the Papal Basilica of Saint Peter, was somewhat akin to the description of the Headquarters, but it was beautiful.

Europe was such a big continent.

Stupid Cross.

* * *

Guren strike off the last place she visited in her travel journal, making a total of eleven states that she covered in the last three months. Guren counted the few notes she had stashed in between the pages of her journal, her money was seriously running out. She got off the seat at the train station and walked aimlessly in Fátima, Portugal. _'I think I need to go busking for money soon…'_ Guren thought as she felt her grumbling stomach.

She heard a loud scream from the corner as Guren used _Truth_ to see through the obstructing wall, a habit that Cross drilled into her, in order for her to be safe than sorry; a level one AKUMA was getting ready for its kill. Her defensive type Innocence made her vulnerable during close combat. Guren activated her Innocence as the white feathery mask formed on her lower face, and a pair of miniature white wings covered her ears. _'Seraphic Melody,' _she sung an alluring hymn, making her voice louder than usual. The AKUMA struggled, hearing the hymn as it quivered terribly and finally set its eyes on the attacker, _'Thank you for freeing me.'_ She heard the AKUMA's voice as it turned into dust after being purified. Like Allen, she could see the souls of the AKUMA, but only when _Truth_ was used, sometimes against her will, an unbearable sight that she had never gotten used to. She would always shudder at the grotesque sight, trying to keep her meal in her stomach each time. She was the one with more experience, but Allen had gotten used to the sight rather quickly, and she had no idea how he managed it. They were just… Painful to look at.

She looked at the remains of the lady that was attacked, feeling apologetic that she couldn't make it in time. Guren was planning to leave, but her eyes remained on articles on the ground. They were the habit of a novice nun. She swallowed in guilt. _'I am so sorry, but I will be borrowing your identity for a while.'_

* * *

"Goodnight, Sister Mary." The head priest addressed Guren, using her _'baptized name'_. She was dressed in a black habit with a white veil, as she smiled at the priest, nodding her head at his greeting. Staying at the Sanctuary of Fátima was a good idea; she had free lodging and meals, in exchange for doing simple cleaning chores and joining the choir during church service and mass. Guren had decided just to stay at the church, instead of traveling aimlessly and to wait until she meets someone from the Black Order. Why didn't she think of this earlier?

Guren carried some fresh flowers to the altar, to change the vases of flowers. Money was one reason why she decided not to travel anymore, but there was another reason. She took out the dried flowers from one of the vases among the many as she peeked into the empty vase, the safely hidden Innocence that only she knew off. Initially, the church was said to be the safest place from the attacks because of its holy aesthetics, but Guren found the reason to be the presence of an Innocence that formed some sort of forgetting barrier that made AKUMAs turn away from the church. But the situation seemed to be changing as more AKUMAs took notice of the Innocence, and the barrier could only hold off the Level Ones.

"I-Inno-ce-cence…" A voice called out before her, as Guren turned to face with three Level Two AKUMAs; the one bearing a look similar to a phantom, reached out its skeleton hands towards Guren with a ghostly voice.

"Innocence, activate." Guren whispered as her Innocence invoked and formed the mask around her lower face. The AKUMA leapt back as it fired bones from its fingertips, shooting them in her direction. "Level Two, activate!" She invoked the advanced version of her Innocence, as a pair of translucent silvery wings that were three-quarter of her size, grew on her back, allowing her to take flight into air. _'Divine Canary,' _an enchanting hymn was vocalized, affecting only the skeleton-like AKUMA as it struggled under the beautiful hymn. Guren continued singing, causing the AKUMA to stop trashing about, as the pupils of the AKUMA turned an eerie white with a white cross etched onto its forehead. The AKUMA was now her soldier, and it would defend Guren as long as her song continues. The puppet AKUMA attacked the other two AKUMAs, and taking attacks for Guren as it fell after destroying one Level Two and injuring the other.

She stopped singing as tears fell from her scarlet eyes for the AKUMAs that died. She disliked using this ability as it only controls the AKUMA to kill its own kind, and the souls would be destroyed in the process. She could hear their tortured voice, and it pained her deeply. _'Seraphic Melody,'_ the alluring hymn sounded as the remaining weakened Level Two didn't have any strength left to struggle, but just listened to her song as it closed its eyes, shattering into dust with a smile.

Guren deactivated her Innocence, taking a stalk of the white rose from the vase into her hands, and dropped the petals on the ground, as the wind took their remains away, with her tears and wishes, _'You've worked hard.'_

_There's a myth, that in the darkest night, an ethereal angel would be singing in the church, for the salvation of mankind._

* * *

_"Dear Saviour haste  
Come, come to earth  
Dispel the night and show Thy face  
And bid us hail the dawn of grace  
O come, divine Messiah-"_

The song was interrupted by screams of help, coming from the direction of the altar. It was during one of their church service when the scenario Guren feared, happened. The AKUMAs had grouped up for an attack. There was panic in the entire church, as Guren dropped the bible she was holding, running towards the altar, against the flow. The head priest held her back, trying to let her evacuate but the young lady shook her head, pleading that there may be survivors as the priest released her arm, and blessed her for a safe return.

Guren stood frozen at her feet near the entrance when she saw the amount of blood and deaths, people were lying dead on the ground as the AKUMAs all had their hungry eyes on her. She was scared. There's no way she could defeat this many. She should have listened to the priest. Her eyes travelled to the vase that held the Innocence, as a man in a formal black suit and top hat, took the Innocence into his gloved hands.

"N-No… Don't!" She screamed, watching the person shattered the Innocence with his gloved hands. The Innocence was the only thing that could fight against the AKUMA, and that man had decreased the possibility of humans winning the war. The man turned around allowing Guren to notice his ashen coloured skin and the row of stigma on his forehead, as her hand unconsciously clasped onto the stigma on her right wrist. _'Protect your Innocence, it's the only way for you to change your destiny, Guren,'_ she remembered Cross' words as she trembled in fear when the man walked towards her. She backed her steps and fell over a corpse as she was immobilized by her fear and the scent of death in the room.

"Messiah?" The man said, referring to the hymn they sang a while ago, as he lifted Guren up by her neck, pinning her to the wall. "Are you referring to the Duke, young Miss?"

_'He has finally arrived, the eternal lover of Harmonia,'_ someone spoke into her ears again, as she had a fleeting thought that this man before her looked like the one she saw in her dream back in the white room. But Guren was not in any position to ponder about the meaning of those words as she felt the fingers by her neck closing slowly. She avoided his eyes and clamped her mouth shut, she mustn't let him know that she was an exorcist, if she dies, at least someone could find her Innocence. Her breathe hastened when she felt a tight grip on her heart. She finally made eye contact with her predator as she saw his hand inside her. Guren's breathe came out sharp and short as she tried to retain the least of her dignity and pride, and she stared into those golden eyes despite herself trembling in fear. And yet it brought about a strange feeling in her, fear, anguish and betrayal?

"God won't save you." He whispered into her covered ear as she felt a pained sensation in her heart. He didn't ripped her heart out, yet, but she felt an immeasurable amount of hurt in her. "You have a pair of beautiful eyes. But too bad you are a believer of God," he mused, "And it won't be good leaving you alive after you witnessed all this. I'm not supposed to show myself just yet."

Guren was feeling so afraid of the man before her, he could easily end her and there was no one else that could save her. Dad… Fearful tears dropped from her eyes, as though an activation of some sort, like back in the church when she first played the piano, her mind went blank. The trembling in her fingers stilled as they reached out to the cheek of her predator, with a velvety voice that she had heard several times since her awakening, "You will regret killing my mistress, Joido." The words were short and ambiguous, but it affected her predator significantly as he jolted his hand away from her heart, holding onto her shoulder roughly instead.

"Who are you?" His voice was coated with anger and confusion, as he rammed her up into the wall. Guren kept quiet as she studied his antagonized face, it was like she knew him, a long time ago. "You can't be her! She would have come to me." Her predator shouted as he ripped off her veil, causing her pure white curls to fall onto her shoulders, but he didn't stop as he pulled the collar of her habit, tearing it. On her left shoulder, was a weird birthmark, resembling a bite mark, something she always had ever since she was found by Cross. The man shook his head in some sort of denial at the sight of Guren's existence as he disappeared to thin air in an instant.

Guren fell to her knees, as she covered her exposed shoulders with trembling fingers, unsure of what to do. She could hear the priest's voice distantly, but so many things were running through her mind as she looked at her left wrist. A small cross started surfacing on it, as it grew bigger and deeper, drawing blood as the other stigmas on her ankles and right wrist reopened. _'N-No… I-I don't w-want to remember… The struggle…'_

* * *

_"Please! Save my granddaughter!" An elderly man pleaded as he had a bag of money in his arms. She was in a temple. She was borne to serve humans. The priest of the temple took the money as he carried the child into the room, where she was resting. Her crimson eyes looked dull and she was paler than the moon. She took the dying girl in her arms, cradling the child as all her strength. She hummed a soft melody in her mind, healing the child, as the child's grandfather looked with a smile. "Thank you, O' Holy Maiden!"_

_She smiled. It was her responsibility. She laid back on her bed, feeling drained from the constant use of 'her strange abilities. She used to be able to do much more, blessing a child with just a word and even reading into the future. But the constant strain of her powers deteriorated her health. She lost her voice three years ago. She grew blind five years ago. And now, the twenty year old woman was only able to heal. She didn't mind. It was her responsibility. As long as she lives, she had to give her life up for others; that was her only reason for living. _

_Being blind was probably the best for her. The war with the Millennium Earl bought many deaths and suffering. She couldn't bear to see it anyone. She loved every being in this world. No matter good or bad. But they never seemed to understand love, being corrupted by greed and lust, as humans fell to the hands of the Earl._

_She felt someone at her bedside as a finger was placed onto her lips. Amusing. She couldn't speak. "Are you the prophesied one that was nailed to the cross?" She heard the man's voice, lightly speaking with delight, as she gave a small nod. "Awaken, Khaos, the Noah of Void." She heard him snapping his fingers and tapping her forehead. Warm light ran through her body as she opened her eyes, staring straight into golden eyes. "It is my pleasure to finally meet you, young blessed maiden. I am the Millennium Earl."_

_She looked at her hands, her skin had turned ash tone, as her white hair was dyed black. She could see. She spun her head and looked around the room. It was no longer the room she knew, this was a prison cell. They lied to her all these years. She was no maiden in their eyes. She was only the naïve person that was easy to control._

_A white clad man walked into the cell, noticing the intruder and her new appearance as he pointed a gun at her, "Get backup, she had betrayed us!"_

_Betray?_

_Wasn't you people the one who made use of me?_

_She pointed a finger at the man with a gun, "Kneel." It was such a simple word, as the gun dropped on the floor, followed by the man kneeling on the ground, against his will. He looked at her with disgust in his eyes, staring at the newly revived woman._

_"Yo-You! I curse you! Even if you reincarnate, you are to live a life of endless suffering for the price of betraying the humans who trusted you."_

* * *

_She sat motionless in the alley, eyes emptied of any emotions. Her clothes were torn into pieces, as she sat there with injuries covering her naked skin after being violated by men. She hated them, she hated humans. They were disgusting._

_"Why are you in such a messy state, Fifteenth?" She ignored the voice and continued staring at the wall, contemplating the ways to attain death, but not before bring those men down to hell with her. "Let's go home, to the Ark." The man said again, as he hovered over her, and wrapped his coat over her body._

_She was bathed by maids and dressed properly as the girl had never felt such treatment before. She looked into the mirror, her white hair was in an uneven length as her skin was covered with bandages to hide the ugly bruises from the abuse before. The man that took her 'home', appeared beside her in the mirror. "You should grow back your hair. They looked far from beautiful than this mess. I'm the Noah of Pleasure by the way."_

_That man has ashen coloured skin, and stigmas across his forehead, with a distinct mole under his left eye. He had the form of a human, but he wasn't one. She finally opened her mouth to speak, "Why did you bring me here?"_

_"The Earl wants you. You are a part of our family, Khaos."_

_"I don't know you."_

_"There are fifteen of us in total, and you are one of us."_

_"I… I don't want to be with humans anymore."_

_"I will grant your wish." He said as he tapped her forehead, as memories of her previous life returned to her. Maybe she didn't hate humans after all. She was scared of them. "But please don't hate them. A woman with a small heart is not very beautiful."_

* * *

_"Freak!" The man yelled at her. She just healed his injuries and spite was what she received instead of gratitude. It was the era of Witches, and everyone regarded her as one; her unnatural white hair and red eyes, and the stigmas that reeked of occultism. She never lived a day in peace. They burnt her house, killed her pets and shot at her. Her memories from all her previous lives were still fresh in her mind, replaying her sufferings like a broken record. And yet, she couldn't hate them. She thought she definitely would. No matter how she suffered, she'd remember the one reason given to her, 'Don't hate them.'_

_Maybe she was foolish._

_She didn't mind giving up every part of herself._

_Because she knew, someone would give up everything just for her._

_He was the reason why she continued living, because he would always find her and release her from her sufferings._

_The angel fell in love with the devil._

* * *

The priest felt guilty that he allowed _Sister Mary_ to go to the altar alone, after finding the unconscious sister lying on the ground in her own blood, with stigmas carved onto her limbs. He feared the worst, the child might be traumatized and her health would be affected. Who would be so cruel to mark her with such injuries? The priest shook his head. God would never forsake an innocent girl like her. He carried her to the medical wing quickly and attended to her wounds. The poor child must have been scared, to see so many deaths. He should pray for her, for her health and mind. The priest closed his eyes, his cross tightly in his hands, asking for the safety of the child, lying unconscious before him. The wooden doors of the medical ward were flung opened, causing the priest to whirl around at the sound. It was an empty corridor and when he returned his attention to the young lady, _Sister Mary_ was nowhere to be found, leaving only her blood on the white sheets. And she was never seen again.

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_I know the stigma thing and flashbacks are getting boring.. But there are a total of five stigmas, and with this chapter, three of them surfaced already, the two on the ankles count as on, because crucifixion nails the ankles together._


	5. Remember

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: Do read the rants at the end. This chapter is a little messy for my liking, hope you don't mind :/ _

Recap:

_"And she was never seen again."_

_Edited on June 10, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – Remember 

Guren opened her eyes gingerly, as past memories poured into her mind. It hurts. Both of her physical self and her heart ached. The memories were vivid in her mind as tears flowed down her pale cheeks involuntarily. She had never feared humans until now. Everyone she met were really nice to her, she had Cross, Allen and Timcampy. This time, no one had hurt her. But the stinging feeling of pain would always be with her. She was scared. Guren hugged her legs closed to herself, not caring if she was in an unfamiliar place. She didn't want to think anymore. She wanted to be alone, blind to the world, and just sink into the deepest of the ocean.

_'Cross… I'm scared. Where are you?'_ Guren thought as she sobbed, her tears soaking the sleeves of the foreign shirt she was wearing. She had never cried like this, because she knew Cross would always protect her, but she was all alone now. She was not like Allen; she didn't have a strong conviction, all she wanted was to stay with the people she loved. But she saw their true nature. She trembled slightly, hurt by her own words. Will Cross abandon her? Will Allen hate her? She lost faith in them so quickly. What if she was the one who changed? So easily corrupted by thoughts and manipulated. She thought she was strong. But all her strength shattered with her heart with her awakening process.

Being alone, having awakened from a frightening nightmare, she pleaded for help with her tears.

She felt a pair of arms, suddenly enveloping her. It was comforting and warmth, and for some reason, she welcomed the embrace. "I'm sorry, don't cry anymore." Guren heard his voice, shaking slightly like her petite frame was. Then she recognized it. It was that man, the man that killed everyone in the altar, the same man that saved her every single time, and never failing to fix her broken self. She pushed him away with all her strength, eyes glaring at the pair of brilliant golden eyes.

"Why did you kill them?" All her emotions directed to the man before her. She had never felt this much anger in her before; it was terrifying. She remembered the people that shared smiles with her, during her stay at the church, they were nice to her and they treated her like a human. She loved them. "They did nothing wrong…" Her voice became soft and cracked, mumbling in between her sobs, as she brought up the back of her hand to wipe away the angry tears. "They were inn-innocent people."

"It just happened. The Duke sent me, along with his AKUMAs army to destroy the Innocence." He said gently, hands backing away from the girl, as though her little frame could break under his touch. "I didn't want the Earl to know of you yet, that's why I retrieved you only later."

"Just- Get away from me, you murderer! I hate you!" This word was never had a primary usage in her dictionary, it was too strong. She would only use this word to express her loath of certain things, like vegetables, but she had never found herself the courage to hate someone.

"Don't say that… I've never forgotten you since the time I have awakened."

_Your mind remains in that place  
And I don't know how to get there  
The period when times froze and melted over and over  
I was waiting to give my everything_

Guren looked at the man after hearing his weak voice; she felt a twinge of guilt in her heart when she saw the wounded look on his face. Her mind told her that this man murdered so many people, but her heart was telling otherwise, that despite all his faults, she couldn't bear to see him hurt. She reached her hands to the top of his head and pulled him down to her shoulders gently, patting his head, "There, there, don't be upset. I'm sorry," thinking of the time when she met Allen for the first time, so fragile and vulnerable. Hands reached around her and pulled her into a tight embrace. Everything felt so right. Her love for this man was destined like the bonds of the twins in her family, even life and death could never separate them.

"Do you know who I am?" He asked, still in her arms, like a child.

"You are Joyd."

"No, I'm Tyki Mikk. And what is your name this time?"

"Guren Kreszenz."

"That's a nice name. Although I still prefer calling you sweetheart." Tyki said as a soft smile as he studied the aesthetics of his reincarnated lover. "How old are you now?"

"Sixteen."

"God, I feel like a paedophile." He shivered, having remembered a _certain someone_ in his family. "I'm twenty-five, but I was awakened when I'm twenty-two."

"Are you going to awaken the Noah inside me?"

"No. I've only awakened you because I didn't want you to experience _'Suffering'_…" Tyki explained as he held her bandaged wrists, "It would better if you just wait for it to awaken naturally. I know you don't like helping the Earl."

He was so gentle with her that she felt ashamed. She may have retained her memories of attachment, but there were things that were foggy. The Innocence had intervened to prevent the Host from straying onto the wrong path again. "I'm sorry, Mister Mikk. I remember you, and everyone else. But I couldn't remember the emotions I felt for you. I'm truly sorry."

* * *

Tyki froze. He couldn't believe what he just heard. What was she saying? This had never happened before. And there she sat, looking at him with eyes of worry and guilt. This wasn't right. She was supposed to love him. They had a promise. He squeezed the girl in his arms, silencing her next sentence that might burn his ears, "No. Don't speak now." What's going on? She was reincarnated years later than usual, and now, she had forgotten. He wasn't going to accept this. It was a _promise._

_"Ouch!" He snapped at the whitehead, wrapping his fingers around his right forehand. She bit him. "Why did you do that for?" He said as a reprimanding tone, as his lover wiped the blood from her lips with the back of her hand idly, unfazed by his words._

_"It's a mark."_

_"What for?"_

_"That you will always belong to me, love." She said, looking at him with those passionate scarlet eyes, a hint of smile on her lips at the success of her work. _

_"Insanity."_

_"It's not…" She said, so softly. He looked at her, she was worried. "I know that there are woman who will throw themselves at you. And I am only like a little pet of the Earl, always being kept at home, protected. I don't want other woman to touch you, love." She was so beautiful, just in his arms, depending on him. He loved her, there's no way he could look at another woman. She loved him wholeheartedly, not because of his looks or wealth, just pure love. She was like a butterfly to him, so beautiful and fragile, that he wanted to cage her up, so that she would only look at him, and no one else. He wasn't as wonderful as she thought he was. The wonderful one was her. He was the devil that tainted her. He wanted her to belong to him forever. To him only. It was either because of his obsession, or possessive nature, that he wanted to keep her from flying away. _

_Even the satisfying fate  
Even the beautiful eternity  
It doesn't matter to me anymore  
You're my everything_

_He bit her shoulder, causing his lover to wince, but she didn't complain. "You will always belong to me, love. And I will always free you from your sufferings."_

_"It's a promise right?"_

_"Yeah…"_

"Don't apologize. Because I will make you remember," Tyki said with firmness in his voice as he gazed into her crimson eyes, "That you belong to me."

* * *

Tyki carried a couple of albums that he smuggled out of the Ark and entered the house Guren was staying at. It was just one of the many villas that Cyril owned. No one knew of Guren's existence yet as his family merely thought of his disappearance as his past time to hang out with his human friends. He found the girl sitting at the balcony, just enjoying the sun with no hints of worry of her face. She didn't escape. Tyki smiled to himself, that girl probably thought that Tyki would be upset if she left and couldn't bear to do it. That was just her nature. "Sweet-" He bit back his words, she doesn't remember, "Guren, come here." She turned to him, with a light smile on her face, and walked towards him. She was so angry with him yesterday, and now, she was just smiling. Like always…

"These are the collection of photographs taken by the Earl." Guren sat beside him on the couch as she opened the large album, looking at the pictures. Tyki wanted to place his arm around her shoulder, but he was scared of rejection as he kept his arm on the back of the couch. He never studied the photographs before, it was probably the first time he saw them too. The Earl always enjoyed keeping the memories of _his little children_. There was a photograph, of a younger version of the couple, kneeling in a formal position as punishment, with red ears and a crying _Harmonia_. That was taken before they fell in love, Tyki always bullied her before.

* * *

_"Oi, _chiisai_." He called the whitehead, as she was trying to read a book. He wasn't sure why, but bullying her had become a past time. He was always the first one to find the new host of the Fifteenth every time after he awoken and the girl was always in some sort of unpleasant situation. Even though he was the one who found her, she always ignored him, forever playing with the twins and the erratic Wisely. He snatched the book from her hands, "Reading won't make you grow taller."_

_"Why won't you leave me alone?"_

_"Because I don't want to." He leaned in, near to her face as the girl turned her head away, and quickly got off the couch. That was it. His patience and self-pride could only take this much, first she ignored him, then she avoided him, and now she couldn't even look at him. "Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?"_

_Because I can't have you it's making me want you more  
The more you push me away the more I want you_

_"Then why are you always disturbing me?"_

_"Because you were ignoring me, young lady!" He shouted, gripping her wrist with his hand to prevent her from escaping again._

_"Because I-I," she stammered and discontinued talking as her porcelain face was flushed red, "It's your fault!"_

_"Why is it my fault now?" He asked, confused at the weird reason she gave and he glared into her eyes. The flushed girl just kept trying to move away from him, and it was really making him annoyed. Then, he felt a tug on his ear, followed by pain, and crying from the girl._

_"Why are the two of you shouting like this?" The plump Millennium Earl tugged on both their ears and made them knelt in formal position as punishment as he went on with his long rhetoric about proper manners and proper relationship among family members._

* * *

Tyki mused at the memory. That was probably the start of his obsession with her that he failed to realize because of his then immaturity. And he was doubtlessly too obtuse to notice that the quiet girl had fallen for him. He then looked at another photograph; it was a photo of the younger Noahs together. That was taken from the time she just awakened after he found her again. He could remember it so intensely in his mind how he found the girl. He bullied the girl because he thought she was weak and useless, but his curiosity made him understand the truth behind her sufferings when he asked the Millennium Earl and finally learned about the curse of misfortune placed on her. It was from then, that he came clear with himself that he wanted to protect her, and be the one to rescue her from the hands of the sickening humans.

* * *

_"Don't try to get up yet," he said, sitting at the windowsill as the girl woke up from her deep sleep. He looked at the cuts she had on her pale skin; those filthy humans, they attacked her because she was different. He wanted to kill everyone in the village, but she stopped him. How could she forgive those people? He slammed his fist onto the window in anger at the memory, breaking the glass as she jumped._

_"Are you angry with me? I'm sorry to make you go through all the trouble to get me."_

_"Listen to yourself. Why would I be angry with you?" He said crossly, angry at how naïve she was, and how the worthless humans treated her._

_"But you sound… Forget it. I have something to tell you." Her voice was so gentle and alluring as he watched her, with his eyes softened. "I couldn't say it before my last life ended. I wanted to say… Thank you for being with me."_

_"Don't think so highly of yourself. I didn't go all the way just for you." He said coldly and turned away from her to look at the scenery on the other side of the window. He couldn't let her see his face now, how he was happy at her single statement, and how he was flushed in the face._

_I am  
I'm loving you  
Right?  
Sometimes I get confused_

_Was it love he felt, when he had the rush to protect her? His eyes unconsciously trailed her figure over the reflection from the glass when their eyes made contact. He pulled away first. When he first saw her, she was just another girl to him, and then she became family, and finally his obsession. She was so fragile, as though asking for his protection, to shield her from anything that could bring harm. _

_"You know…" He watched her coral lips moved gently, and her hands gripping on the bed sheets, like she was in some sort of struggle. "I think I have fallen for you." Her eyes looked at him, looking for a reply but he froze. What was she saying? She loved him? He was a…murderer. The one thing she always hated. "But I think my background is making this impossible… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it." _

_No._

_It wasn't because of her._

_The problem lies with him._

_He wasn't worthy of someone so pure, and untainted._

_Even if he were to accept her, he would not be able to do anything more for her._

_Every time I start to understand this love  
It gets confusing again  
And that makes me lonely_

_"I'm not the one for you."_

_"Then maybe I should blind myself."_

_"What?"_

_"So that I can only think of you, and see no one else."_

_"Do you like getting injured so much?"_

_"No. It hurts. But if doing so will get you to love me, I wouldn't mind."_

_"You are so naïve." He replied as he stood beside her bed. He reached down and kissed her on her lips chastely. "You will regret it if you fall for me."_

_"I won't. I want to fall for you every single time."_

_I met you by chance and fell completely in love  
Time no longer has any meaning now that I've met you  
Every day I wake to a morning alone  
I want that to change  
Now that you're with me_

_"Then… You will look only at me from now on."_

* * *

Tyki looked at Guren, having remembered the reason why he fell in love in the first place. He allowed his body to take control over his mind, holding the girl into his arms. "You are the only one who will never judge me. Please don't leave me. I love you." Guren didn't know how to handle his confession, as she wrapped her arms around him, giving him the comfort he needed at the moment.

"I-I… I want to stay."

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_Please review so I can know where to improve on. I'm still not very confident with my writings. Constructive criticism will be great (: **Chiisai** means Tiny in Japanese, I wanted to keep this story in pure English, but it sounds weird as a nickname! There will be another two Japanese terms used when she is in the Headquarters._

_I hope I didn't make Tyki too OCC -.-" And I made up the Tyki's awakening thing, so this means that he stopped aging at age 22. _

_To **Sika-chan**: Thank you for reviewing (: and for the praise. You sent me flying~ I'm still trying to improve my writing, so please continue supporting me (:_

_To **AnaInTheCorona**: Thank you for liking this. But I was referring to Guren herself, so it was Fifteenth. That's why the musician was in small alphabets. It was further explained in chapter three._


	6. Insomnia

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: Sorry this update took such a long while! Been busy :x I hope this chapter is not too random.. Or short. :/ Yay, I checked the grammar! Do read the rants at the end._

Recap:

_"You are the only one who will never judge me. Please don't leave me. I love you." Guren didn't know how to handle his confession, as she wrapped her arms around him, giving him the comfort he needed at the moment._

_"I-I… I want to stay."_

_Edited on 10 June, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – Insomnia

Guren sat on the bed, in the room that would be _'hers'_ for the time being, with Pierre in her arms. She closed her eyes, questioning her decision to stay. Even if Cross said that he gave her an unrestricted time to travel, but he did gave her a distinct command, to get to the Black Order and stay away from the Noahs. And now, she had jauntily contradicted Cross' words. God. What would he do if he knew? She shuddered at the thought.

Guren knelt down and unlatched her suitcase that Tyki had retrieved for her. She unscrewed the silver tongue stud and placed her Innocence in a hidden compartment inside her case. She still felt dubious of her resolution. She didn't have any idea why she wanted to stay. Or what she wanted from Mister Mikk. She just felt, like it was the proper choice. Guren secured her Innocence subtly. At least, she could try and keep her Innocence from being found. _'The Innocence is the only way to put a stop to your endless cycle of suffering,' _that's what Cross said.

_Maybe I was dreaming of a garden growing far below_  
_Maybe I was dreaming of a life that I will never know_

She sighed with exasperation. To meet with Tyki, it wasn't a coincidence, because they were borne for each other. But for her to now stand at the other side of the war, she was confused; insecure of her next move, to betray or to conform?

_Love, you're so distracting_

A tap on her back broke her thoughts as Guren turned around to meet the pair of golden eyes she had always dreamed about. "What are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Just looking at a photo," Guren explained a little too quickly, as she took out a photo from the side of her suitcase and shoved it to the front of Tyki's face. "A portrait," she uttered and slammed shut her briefcase with a forced smile. Guren requested it for her birthday present that they had a proper photograph taken together at a studio.

"Who are they?" Tyki asked, slightly amused at her distressed behaviour. He removed the photograph from his face and studied it. "Your family?"

"Not literally. But they are like my family," Guren said as she sat beside him on the floor, looking at the picture fondly. She pointed with a slender finger, to Cross who was dressed in a formal black suit with a red tie and his long red hair was loose, and for once, tamed, around his shoulders, seated at the far left on the couch in the photo. "This is Cross. He's my mentor. Cross teaches me-," she chewed on her lower lip, thinking of a correct word to use, "survival skills."

"Nhmm," Tyki let out an impressed expression as he pats the top of her head, "It's the first time you are learning to protect yourself. That's some determination for someone so tiny." Tyki chuckled at the thought of Guren's small frame. "Do you know that you are at your smallest right now, _chiisai_? You've been shrinking," further emphasizing it with the notion of his index finger and thumb.

"I'm not short!" Guren puffed up her cheeks indignantly, "I'm just small!"

"Right." Tyki smiled at her poorly made rebuke, which was totally oxymoronic, "Back to the photo, mini Guren_ dear._"

Guren huffed at the humbling title used. She pointed to her favourite companion in the photo, "That's Allen, he's also an apprentice like me." In the photo, Guren was seated next to Cross, in a white and red dress, and her curly white hair framing her cheeks. Allen was seated on the right, dressed in a black dress pants, white shirt and a black vest, with a red bow tie. Guren hugged both their arms, and leaned her head on Allen's shoulder with a bright smile, while Timcampy and Pierre were on the side of the couch. "Allen's very special and important to me. I'm sure you will like him too, Mister Mikk."

"No. I don't like him. And don't call me that."

"How can you dislike Allen before you meet him?"

"Hmm," Tyki cupped his chin with a hand lazily, slanting his eyes to look at Guren, "How would you feel if I brought a woman back right after confessing to you?"

His question stumped her as Guren pondered about his question. Cross had woman with him every single time, and she just felt irritated. Mostly because of the debts that were adding up. But if it was Tyki in that situation, minus the debts, how would she feel? She tried to imagine Tyki, walking with a woman in his arms and having an intimate relationship. A look of distaste surfaced on her usually gentle features, as she replied forthrightly, "I will be disgusted."

"And why is that?" Tyki asked, suggestiveness in his golden eyes, as he held her chin, leaning close to her face. "Even if your memories are tampered, your heart will never lie. The answer is, because you are in love with me."

_Just stay by my side_  
_You'll always be my lady_  
_My heart with yours together_

Guren could feel his breath lingering on her as her face flushed beet red in an instance. Tyki smirked at her reaction as he brushed his lips against her cheeks lightly. The girl jerked back in disbelief, causing her to knock onto the wall hard as she cupped her hand to her blushing cheek, "T-That's really dirty! And d-don't put w-words into my mouth!" She was embarrassed, over her childish retort and the minor accident. She never expected Tyki to do that. The only men in her life up until now were Cross and Allen, both she saw as family, but this person here, was waiting for her to see him as a man.

She tried to push Tyki out of the room, but he was convulsing from laughter, eyes gleaming with tears. "Stop laughing. You are so horrible, Tyki Mikk!" Guren was on the verge of crying from embarrassment as Tyki took deep breathes to calm himself.

"That was some reaction, to run into the wall from a kiss," he chuckled. Finally calming down, Tyki composed himself with a cough, "You should remove the_ 'Mikk'_ from my name, sweetheart."

"Don't call me sweetheart after you did that!"

"Did what? The laughing or… The kissing?"

"Both!" Guren flushed again at the memory as she pushed him out of the door with all of strength and slammed the door shut.

"You can even call me _love_ if you want, _chiisai_." Tyki said from the other side of the door, as though mocking her.

"Go away!" Guren shouted in reply as she climbed onto the bed. What was she doing? It was the first time she raised her volume at someone. It was unbecoming of her, to do something so uncouth. But, it was all because of that Portuguese man. She threw the pillow at the door harshly, "Stupid Tyki Mikk!"

* * *

Guren fold her arms on the table and rested her head on her elbow, staring at the sunset before her. It was only her third day here, in this private villa. Tyki always left her alone for most of the day, and only returned during the evening and disappear again in the morning. She had on a brown bob wig with a straight fringe, just hovering above her eyes. Tyki said that the colour of the wig would take the attention away from her eyes and make her existence less known to others.

She closed her eyes, breathing in the scent of the flowers while she tried to work things out in her mind again. From the beginning, she wasn't sure why she wanted to stay. She thought that she could explain to Tyki and then return back to her journey, but she was so wrong. She had walked right into his game completely, everything was playing at his pace. Guren sighed, opening her eyes to see the person that made her sleepless for nights. "Good evening, Mister Mikk."

A smirk surfaced on his handsome face, as Tyki sat in a chair opposite her. He was wearing a white casual button-down with black pants. Her eyes travelled to the beautiful man that sat there, just staring at her, chin resting on clutched fists. His messy dark hair was secured at the back of his head with a hair band as Guren could see the droplets of water glistening from his hair and ashen skin, making him seemed so unearthly under the reflection of the sunlight. Tyki was really beautiful, with skin of an exotic colour, Guren thought as she suddenly felt conscious about her unkempt self. She wore a short white babydoll dress and her feet were bare and dirty.

"So…" His low and velvety voice trailed off as his golden eyes caught her, as though keeping her in a trance, as Guren couldn't take her own eyes away from him. "Have you considered the fact that you are in love with me?"

"No." Guren answered without hesitating, immediately taking her eyes away from him. She could hear his questioning _'nhm'_, teasing her ears lightly. She didn't need to get attached to someone she would be leaving soon. That was what she said to herself. Right. Stay away from the Noahs.

"How about getting dinner outside for a change, Guren?" Her ears perked up at the word _'outside'_ as she had only stayed in the church for the past few months. Noticing the new-found interest in her face, Tyki jested mentally that the petite girl was not just small framed, but also much like a child excited for an excursion. "I'll bring you out if you give me a kiss?" Tyki said suggestively as he watched a blush surfaced on her face. _'How innocent,'_ Tyki thought as he tried to imagine her reaction, _'And here I thought she might snap again like yesterday.'_

"But I want to go out," Guren mumbled with a pout of her lips, catching Tyki off guard with her retort. _'She's so cute. I didn't expect that,'_ Tyki covered his lower face as one hand, a faint pink rising on his face. "It's bored in here all day, Mister Mikk."

"Alright. Go get dressed properly." Tyki said, watching the girl flashed a big smile and ran back into the house as he followed behind her.

It didn't take long for the girl to be dressed up in a long sleeves white knee-length dress with a beige wool scarf around her neck, the ends of her brown wig brushing the scarf. Tyki took Guren's hand as they walked into the carriage that was parked outside the villa. Guren's nails tapped on the window glass as she stared at the changing view outside, dimples showing from her bright smile. "_Nhm…_ You looked happier outside than with me, sweetheart?"

Without turning her head to look at him, she nodded once, eyes still plastered to the outside of the carriage. "I thought you didn't like going out to crowded places." Guren turned to him, puzzlement evident in her ruby red eyes, not understanding what the tall man just said. Why would she dislike being with people? They'd always enjoyed her smiles and songs, there's no way she would dislike them.

They alighted in the heart of the city as Tyki asked her to walk around while he went to get some food for them. Guren walked into the crowd as she looked at the beautiful nightlights. Guren stopped at outside a toy shop as she peeked in. The shop was closed but the little toys inside was visible as Guren noticed the reflection of the crowd behind her.

She looked at their reflections as she noticed that they were looking at her. The sudden thought made her conscious of her surroundings as she become aware of pairs of eyes looking at her. Why were they looking? Was she weird? Or they had noticed who she was? Were they the people from the cult? Guren felt her lungs constricting, so many worries and thoughts were going through her mind. She had always been fine in a crowd, but why did it felt so different now. It felt like she was worried that she might be attacked any moment. Not because of the AKUMAs, but she was scared of the ever-changing humans. It was because of her memories of _Suffering_. Guren trembled at the thought of her fears as a little street boy approached her. She moved backwards, eyes fixated on the younger boy, seeing the basket in his hands. Was he going to attack her and chase her out like how they treated her back then?

She flinched when a hand rest on her shoulders as Tyki looked at her with a wearily smile. "You were still afraid in the end," Tyki had a paper bag in one hand while he took out a note from his pocket and gave it to Guren, "Have a look at what he's selling."

Guren looked at the boy as he opened the basket with a smile, showing assorted flowers inside. She approached the boy warily and looked at the flowers inside. She picked out a white lily and gave him the note. The little boy thanked her as the couple walked away. Remembering something, Guren ran back to the kid as she wrapped her scarf around the child's neck, "I'm sorry for mistaking your intent."

The young boy smiled at her, thanking her for the scarf.

It was a beautiful smile.

She didn't need to be scared, because not all humans were the same.

* * *

They finished their dinner, seated in the garden back at the villa, as Guren wiped her lips cleaned of the cream from the cake. She had a satisfied smile with their dinner, while Tyki propped his head against his palm. "Shall we go for a walk?" Tyki proposed as he scooped up Guren into his arms swiftly, hands cradling her body close to him, before waiting for her reply. She let out a soft cry, after realizing that they were walking on air, as she locked her arms tightly around his neck.

"D-Don't drop me please."

Tyki chuckled at her request as he moved in the air swiftly, as though flying through the dark night. "Don't look down, look at the sky, sweetheart." Guren's eyes followed his gaze as she gasped at the scenery before her. The stars were bright and rich, dotting the sky completely as an excited smile quickly replaced her previous frightened expression.

"It's like I could reach them," Guren whispered, as though fearing that her voice would scare away the twinkles. Tyki's lips curved up into a gentle smile at the childlike shine in her ruby eyes. What he loved most about the Fifteenth Noah, was her need for love and acceptance, and that she would always depend on him. It was a selfish thought, but he wanted Guren all to himself, not to the twins or the Millennium Earl, he wanted to be the only one that she would see. Was this his domineering attitude or his greed? Nah, it didn't matter. He was the Noah of Pleasure, he simply wanted things to go his way, including his influence on her.

"Do you like butterflies?" Tyki asked as the two sat on the top of a tall building, looking down on city nightlights. Guren smiled, nodding her head, her face was still flushed from the excitement of being in the air as she focused her attention on him, anticipating. He covered her eyes with one hand, outreaching his other palm as Teezes materialized from his hand, whirled into the air. He removed his hands, allowing Guren to see again while rosy magenta and black butterflies fluttered around in the air. Guren reached out a pale finger, but hesitated as she looked at him, uncertainty in her eyes. "They won't harm you," Tyki calmed her as he transferred a Teez from his fingertip to Guren's opened palm.

"They are beautiful." Tyki heard her say, her voice soft in the breeze. He placed an arm around her slender shoulders, fingers touching her naked neck briefly, as he _chose_ to drop a necklace onto her neck. Guren felt a light weight falling around her neck as she found a butterfly pendant, like the ones in the air, hanging on the black necklace.

_I've been waiting for so long_  
_As time goes will it all disappear_  
_Your sweet talk_  
_Please entice me with them_

"I don't accept bribery, Mister Mikk." Guren replied, biting her lower lip to hide the surfacing smile. Her fingers were on the necklace, looking at the glossy magenta and black butterfly pendent. Being a vagrant, with the travelling lifestyle of Cross, she didn't have many things she could called her own, except for her cat toy, Pierre, and her Innocence.

"That's what you say, sweetheart." Tyki brushed off her comment, her delight was enough prove for him, that he made an impact on her.

"Mister Mikk," Guren said very softly as she looked into his liquid golden eyes, "Thank you, and-" She reached for his face, lips touching his cheek gently, "The promised payment." She looked away quickly, a blush quickly painting her face red while Tyki chuckled at her slightest display of affection.

He carried her in his arms again, this time heading back for their villa. Tyki watched as Guren was becoming eased in his arms, her eyelashes fluttering against the strong breeze. The floral scent from her body wash was brought to his nose as Guren fell asleep, lying against his chest so softly. "It'd be good for a change of pace," Tyki smirked, gears turning in his mind already.

* * *

Guren stirred in her sleep, as her long eyelashes fluttered. She seemed to be back in her room, she was facing the white wall and she felt a weight on her frame. Guren looked at the naked arms around her, as she became conscious of the bareness behind her back. As though standing on the edge of the cliff, Guren's heart pounded and the paleness of her face seemed to spread. _'I thought I always locked the door. But how did I return here anyway?'_ Guren thought as she tried to shift the heavy arm away, lightly so as not to wake the owner, but it didn't seemed to budge. Guren felt him shifting as she quickly shut her eyes, pretending to be asleep.

Tyki watched her little stunt from her side, a smile playing on his lips. He had long awaken, just looking at the petite girl in his arms. He nearly laughed at her shocked reaction when Guren woke up, but decided to keep quiet since she had failed to realise that he was awake. He tightened his arms around Guren as he felt her body tensed and watched her shut her eyes even tighter. _'Why is she still pretending,'_ Tyki mused, shifting himself on top of her, some teasing would be enjoyable.

He leaned towards her ear, "Morning, sweetheart," whispering, his lips almost touching her ear. He felt her sharp intake of breathe as her ear turned red. _'Oh. Sensitive.'_ A smirk fell in on his handsome face as his lips touched her forehead, the tip of her nose, and hovered on top of her lips, breathing onto them so lightly. "I'm really going to do it if you don't wake up."

Guren shot up from her position, forehead banging into Tyki hard, as she fell back onto the bed, face flushed. She had one hand on her throbbing forehead, taking in what happened as she stuttered, "Why did you let me hit you?"

"I didn't know that you are so aggressive." Tyki acted shy, mockingly, as he brought a finger to his lips, "To want to kiss me first thing in the morning, sweetheart." Blood rushed to Guren's face at the mention of the accidental kiss, and the lack of shirt on Tyki's ashen chest, as she slammed a pillow into his face and ran out of her own room.

_It's been a long time_  
_Since I came around_  
_Been a long time_  
_But I'm back in town_  
_This time I'm not leaving without you_

_'Playing right into the game already…'_ Tyki mused, smirking as he lazed back down on the bed, facedown onto Guren's pillow instead, indulging momentarily in her warmth and scent, _'She's really different this time, but… Still very adorable. Like a teacup human.'_

* * *

_Author's Rant:_

_I'm trying so hard to make this more romance styled… I just realised I sucked at romance T.T My normal update routine is around bi-weekly since it's holidays now. I will try to make it weekly (: I hope this chapter is not too OOC._

_To **Sika-chan**: Thank you, thank you~ I'm so happy. Actually the songs are because I was researching for hymns for Guren to sing (: I'm still figuring how to make Tyki a little more evil? He seems so sweet (perfect too~) now ):_

_To **Harlequin's Lane**: Thank you! I will try to keep up to your expectations (:_

_To **Lathya**: YES YES! Haha, you noticed to updating mania. But I'm back to a more normal/slower pace now. Kanda won't come in so soon… Cause if Kanda's in, Tyki will leave the stage until later into the canon plot T.T Please allow me to let him stay for a few chapters more :D_


	7. What Matters Most

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: It was a long hiatus, but it's school holidays again :D_

Recap:

_'Playing right into the game already…'_ Tyki mused, smirking as he lazed back down on the bed, facedown onto Guren's pillow instead, indulging momentarily in her warmth and scent, _'She's really different this time, but… Still very adorable. Like a teacup human.'_

_Edited on 10 June, 2012._

* * *

**As Your Lover – What Matters Most**

"What do you do in the afternoons?" Guren asked, while she was eating the plate of pasta Tyki had bought for her for dinner. The older man just sat on the opposite of the table, a cigarette poised at the side of his lips.

"Working. In a coal mine."

"Nhm-" Guren imitated the sound he also made when he doubted her, "I thought the Noah of Pleasure was all about a voluptuous lifestyle."

"It is," his golden eyes gleaming from amusement at the girl's statement, "Pleasure can be an indulgence in luxury, but it is also gratification from sensuous enjoyment. Like now, me having you in my sight."

Guren brushed off his constant teasing, removing her eyes from Tyki's face. She considered this some kind of bullying, _that she was a victim of his boredom. _It made her unease at first, but she had gradually become comfortable with his teasing, which was starting to become a problem. What was her objective in the first place? Right. Reject Tyki with minimum damage done and head out for the Black Order. And here she was, dining with him. He'd always make her forget her purpose by distracting her with all sorts of things, like bribing. Yes. She was extremely weak to it. And he just does it so fine.

_'I'm all grown up now, so I will be not bribed by desserts anymore. Hmm. Right, I need-'_

"How about an éclair, sweetheart?"

"Yes, please."

"Say 'Ah'."

"Ah-" Guren opened her mouth, taking in the chocolaty flavour of the éclair as her mind was instantly filled with bliss. Tyki pat the top of her head with a light smile, treating the girl somewhat like a pet he owned. She suddenly clasped a hand to her mouth, remembering something. _'I just said I won't be tempted by sweets anymore,'_ guilty over the fact that she had fallen so easily for Tyki's tricks, as she glared at Tyki accusingly, earning a smirk from the older man. How he read her mind was something she doubt she would ever find out. He was just so mysterious.

Even though she called them tricks, but deep down, Guren knew that that's not the case. Those little actions of Tyki's were simply his way of being affectionate, his proof of love for her. And she was the one, a marionette being tugged by the strings of fate. She was supposed to be the one holding power over her words, but all her strength was easily overpowered by his words.

_I trace my steps again and again  
I never seem to get anywhere  
And I hear you whispering to me_

Guren said she didn't love him when she first met Tyki. She believed that she wouldn't fall for him, because of the Innocence. This was going to be a different life for her, not the repetitive ones she had so many times before. This time, she would really stand on the side of the humans, and not for the Millennium Earl.

_For every word you say  
Another piece of my heart you take_

Maybe she wasn't the _perfect_ figure after all. Her heart was long tainted when she met the golden eyes for the first time. Her greed for his love gave Guren the decision to choose the devil over humanity. But memories of her past made the story clear to her. She was the devil, not him. She made him suffered all these years, pending and waiting, and in the end, it wasn't a fairy tale ending, it was always the punishment from God. Remorse and pain, physically and emotionally for the both of them. Selfless. She was not that. This never ending chase of romance, she should end it now.

* * *

_'I should just tell him directly,' _Guren decided, thinking of the solution to the situation she was in. Firstly, she had to tell him that she wasn't, and would not be in love with him, and secondly, she should at least tell him that she was an Exorcist. Guren sighed, this was going to be a little hard, especially when Tyki would always try to avoid or change the topic like he knew what she was going to say. He was somewhat more of a brat to her than Cross, immature and egotistic. But it was probably because of her as well, she did pamper him too much in the past.

"You are making funny faces, sweetheart," Tyki whispered in her ear as she felt a pair of arms circling around her waist from her side. Tyki chunked his book aside, pulling Guren onto his lap and resting his chin on the crown of her head. "Nhmm," he hummed lightly, "It's like hugging a small teddy bear."

"I told you I'm not small," Guren retorted, pale hands trying to peel off the ashen-coloured ones, but they remained firm around her small frame. She let out a huff, acting angry at the pair of arms as she poked at it roughly. "I can charge you for sexual harassment, Mister Mikk." A soft chuckle was heard, as she felt Tyki's chin moved down to the side of her face.

"I got to do _something more_ for it to be considered sexual harassment, sweetheart." Tyki breathed into her ear, lips touching her skin slightly as one of his hand slid under her shirt, feeling her bare stomach. Guren inhaled sharply at his touch as her pale face flushed deep red. Guren's body tensed up as Tyki continued his advance, nibbling on her earlobe teasingly, resulting in a soft cry from Guren.

_You loved me 'cause I'm fragile  
When I thought that I was strong  
But you touch me for a little while  
And all my fragile strength is gone_

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Tyki asked, but the girl kept silent and her eyes shut.

_'Stop using that whispering voice.'_

"You do know, keeping silent in such a situation isn't exactly the best for you, sweetheart."

_'Stop looking at me when you are so close to me.'_

"Nhm," Tyki gave Guren one last kiss on the nape of her neck before releasing the girl from his embrace. He brushed her cheek gently, golden eyes filled with worry, her silence was not a normal reaction, "Are you scared?" Guren shook her head at his question as she pushed herself away from him, curling into a ball at the one side of the couch. Tyki pet the top of her head, apologetic, maybe he was moving too fast to her comfort. "I will be in the reading room."

_I almost said the words last night  
But I been keeping it inside a secret for so long it hurts_

Guren listened to the disappearing footsteps as she finally raised her head to look at the spot when Tyki sat before, '_It would be unbecoming if he found out that my heartbeat had been thrashing about all this time…' _She shut her eyes tightly again, as tears were on the brink of falling. She didn't want to say or believed in it, that she might really be falling for that man. Why was she repeating the same thing again? She thought that maybe the Innocence would save her, that Tyki would no longer have to see her suffering and feel guilt about it. But all was going to the same if she went with him once more.

* * *

"I need to tell you something," Guren started the conversation, holding up the most serious look she could muster, "Will you listen to me?"

Tyki looked up from the book in his lap, eyes trailing to the pair of clouded eyes. "You do know all my time is for you, and no one else, sweetheart." He held out a hand to her cheek, but the petite girl shift away from his touch. Something tugged in his chest, it wasn't a feeling that was foreign, and he could already guess the words that would soon be out from her lips. Guess his efforts wasn't enough? He withdrew his hand to his side, clutching his fists, holding his emotions in, and leaning back onto the chair, acting nonchalantly. "Tell me then."

"Remember when you first confessed? I said that I didn't have feelings for you," he could hear the faint trembling in her voice. Even now, she cared for him. His lips quirked at his obsession with Guren. How easily was he satisfied? All she had to do was to think about him, and it was already the world to him. People around him seemed to have noticed it too, that the golden-eyed man would sometimes smile for no reason, and Tyki himself knew, that he smiled because he was thinking of her. "And I have to continue with what I am set out to do-" Her words no longer reached his ears, Tyki had shut them out completely.

_I can't stand to keep seeing you like this  
Stop looking like it can't be helped  
Who's the victim?  
Who's the perpetrator?_

One of his hands went for her waist, pulling the girl closed to him, while the other cupped the side of her porcelain face, staring into her eyes. "If it's going to be something I don't like, I rather you don't tell me at all." Tyki could almost feel her disorientated breathe on his face, as her liquid silver eyelashes fluttered softly.

"You can't keep lying to yourself, Mister Mikk."

_I want to send you my passion  
My love which will never dry  
Believing that our overflowing feelings will be reached  
Just like we already met before we were born_

"I'm not. You are the one." Tyki replied simply, as uncertainty flickered in those pair of crimson eyes he adored so much. It wasn't an obligation for him to be with the frail Mockingbird every single time. But it was just how his body and mind reacted to her. No matter how much time had passed, he would always be enticed by those sorrowful red eyes, liquid silver hair and enchanting voice. Her beauty alone had already deprived him of any reason, and with her sensitive and forgiving soul, there's no way he could look away from her.

Tyki leaned in towards her face, planting a feather-light kiss onto her coral lips. He studied her expression, but the whitehead froze in her position, staring back into his own eyes. Slowly, her fingers went to her quivering lips, "W-What are-", but Tyki cut her off, closing her smaller hand into his palm and stealing a kiss from the girl again. This time, it was a tender kiss, coaxing for the girl's attention.

If there was anything he wanted, it would only be her. Guren did say that he was the Noah of Pleasure, that he would always get what he wants in the end. He wasn't going to give her up this easily. She belonged to him and he would just have to prove it to her.

_I'll gather all the dampened petals  
Fill it with love  
And put it upon your lips_

"Be my date for the ball tomorrow, Guren."

* * *

Guren stood awkwardly at the mansion's entrance, her black-lace gloved hand running through her brown wig gently. She breathed in deeply, eyes locking on the carriage that was approaching. Tyki said that he would be at the ball first, with the Duke, and the carriage would bring her to the destination. Guren's frame shivered slightly in the cold night. She was wearing a long black corset dress, leaving her shoulders bare to the wind, while the butterfly necklace rest on her neck as a black choker.

The journey on the carriage was fairly short ride as she was dropped off at the entrance of the venue. The guards seemed to recognize their guest as Guren was gestured into the hall, nodding her head causing her brown fringe to flutter against her eyelashes. The doors opened to magnificent lighting and grand decorations of gold and silver as Guren stood on the top of the large stairway, staring down at the sea of aristocrats and royalties gathered. Her heels clicked on the polished stairs, but the only thing she was focused on, was the man standing at the bottom of the stairs, with a hand outreached.

"Welcome to the ball, Mademoiselle Guren," Tyki greeted as he took her cold hand into his gloved one and laid a kiss on the back of her hand. Guren blushed slightly at the attention she was given, from both Tyki and the audience as she gracefully accepted his invitation for a dance with a curtsy. Eyes were on the portrait-like couple as they waltz in the ballroom with the slow music playing in the background. Guren followed his movements easily as her past memories were etched into her limbs.

"Are you sure this is alright? For me to be out here?" She asked, mind worrying about the Millennium Earl whom was seated in the balcony, staring down at the scene. Tyki smiled gently at his precious girl, bringing up close to him as they moved to the slow music. It was just like the last few times, Guren felt perfectly in place with the man before her, how her hands fitted perfectly into his large hands, how warm she felt no matter how cold it was outside, his voice and the faint scent of tobacco and cologne, it was something she knew, something she couldn't forget even if she wanted.

_I don't want to fall  
Another moment into your gravity  
Here I am and I stand so tall  
Just the way I'm supposed to be  
But you're on to me and all over me._

"I've never enjoyed these gatherings. But it's a different thing when I'm with you," Tyki whispered into her ear as she met his golden eyes timidly with a faint blush on her voice, understanding the meaning of his words. His voice was low and husky, but there was a certain ring to it that she loved as Tyki repeated his words of affection and love into her ear over and over again that night. Those words were only for her to hear, just like when he said that he lived for her since forever.

* * *

Tyki looked at the sleeping face of Guren, as the petite girl curled up against his chest. She was so pure, Tyki thought as his fingers gently caressed her porcelain cheek. He already knew about Guren's feelings, how she stubbornly tried to deny it too, though he did managed to get a cosy moment with Guren after they returned to _their_ home. But this was his game and he wanted to hear her answer clearly. Living the life of a Noah was exciting, falling between the black and white, but having a lifetime with his precious girl was entirely different. How should he phrase it? It was neither victory nor pleasure. Ah, it would be simply sufficient, in a sense that he would own her completely. And he would no longer be in solitude anymore.

_Look at me  
Inflame me more with that face of yours_

Smiling, he placed a kiss on top of her forehead, her pearled hair shining faintly under the sun rays. Guren shifted at his movement as the girl opened her scarlet eyes to look at Tyki, mind still blurry from her sleep. Having remembered the highlight of the previous night, Guren pushed Tyki away, falling off the cramped bed with a thud. Her cheeks, constantly coloured red from her emotions as she reprimanded him, "Don't just climb into my bed, Tyki!"

He chuckled at her attempt to _scold _him as Guren was caught in his strong embrace in a second. "I like the way you call me, sweetheart." Tyki whispered into her ear, lips touching as he felt her resistance weakening. "Call my name again."

_Look into my eyes  
Only whisper to me  
With those sweet lips of yours  
Live only by me_

Guren shook her head as his request, eyes shut tightly. She felt like her heart was going to give up any moment from its rapid beating, and the feeling of Tyki's chest, his heartbeat and his close proximity, was only making it worsen. She heard him repeat his request again, this time lips lingering on the nape of her neck. She squirmed at the affection displayed but the hold on her was far too strong for the petite girl to fight off.

"If you say it, I would let you go."

Guren turned around to face Tyki, eyes clouded with hesitant. "Only once."

"If you don't want to call me by my name in future, you can call me love too. You enjoyed calling me that back then."

"No! I meant that you cannot use this method anymore," Guren explained with a slight pout on her lips.

"Nhmm-"

"Tyki!" She said it quickly, before the ashen toned man could make other deals or twist her words around. Guren was expecting some sort of his harassing behaviors, but those lips only twisted into a gorgeous smile that stopped her heart. Instead of releasing her as promised, Tyki cradled her into his lap and rest his chin on the crown of her head, leaving the girl confused. Guren settled into his embrace, her fingertips touching his arms lightly as she felt her stomach doing flips in every possible course. "Why won't you let go?" She asked, knowing well that Tyki wouldn't reply her question. Her eyes closed as she listened to his steady heartbeat and breathing pattern. Tobacco. Tyki smelt like that. And fondness. She felt about him.

_No matter how you feel about me  
I love you  
And I won't let go  
Even if you run  
I will come after you  
To lock you up beside me  
My insane need for you_

She was so innocent. Tyki always thought that of Guren. So different from all the other times, but one thing always remained the same, they would be in love. Calling him by his first name, accepting his touch and kisses, he never felt this contented before. It wasn't anything like the girls at the grand balls that the Millennium Earl held, Guren was the only one that looked at him without any other intentions. Foolish girl. Why was she so stubborn? If she asked, he wouldn't mind risking his all to keep the Millennium Earl and the other Noahs, especially the clingy twins, from knowing about her.

He heard her slowing breathing and calmed heartbeat, knowing that the girl was fast asleep. Arms tightened around her small waist, thoughts running through his mind. He wanted so much for the girl to be his, but sometimes, he was afraid of hurting her. She was like a rose, too much attention would cause the petals to wither and too little would cause the thorns to grow, pushing him away. And he was the reaper, just waiting for full bloom to pick the flower away from the world to be only his.

* * *

"Don't!" Guren shouted at Tyki as she held out her hands to stop him from coming nearer, "I don't want your affections anymore. I just want to go home." Warm tears trickled down her flushed cheeks as she bit her lower lips, to stop herself from saying anything more. This wasn't right, Guren thought to herself as she closed her eyes, remembering the words of Cross Marian.

_'The Innocence is the only way to put a stop to your endless cycle of punishment, Guren.'_

What was she doing now? She was so stupid for stopping now. If she were to go to his side, history would just repeat itself. And those bad things, Guren thought as she gripped her left wrist, the symbol of suffering etched on it, would never stop. She was scare of loving him, she was scare of the person she was becoming. She was becoming greedy and selfish, wanting more and more of Tyki to be only hers, to not look at any other woman on the face of earth. This feeling was revolting and she hated it. Guren dropped down on the ground as she sobbed, showing her fear and weakness to the man before her, "It won't be a happy ending… I'm scared, Tyki."

"I love you." Guren heard his voice clearly as she watched the man with her scarlet eyes. Tyki just stood at his spot, not moving, just keeping his eyes on her. He repeated his words again as more tears fell from her eyes. He didn't even need to touch her, as his voice reverberates throughout her entire body, striking her like claps of thunder. She already knew about her feelings for him, and she confirmed it. Guren never felt this much fear before, she wanted to be with Tyki, but their relationship was like a bubble, it would pop any moment if someone were to interfere, like the Earl, or the war.

"Stop saying it…"

"Don't give up on me now, Guren." Tyki said as he cradled the girl in his arm, trying to calm her trembling frame, "I'll always protect you."

"That's not what I fear, Tyki."

"Then don't say anything else, sweetheart." Tyki captured her lips gently, and her flushed eye lids. Guren secured her arms around him, holding him close as she cried into his chest. Tyki hushed her and nuzzled his face into her hair. This was the moment he had been waiting for so much, just for Guren to depend on him completely. It felt so right, like correct or fitting or whatever vocabulary he could find in the dictionary, she's everything he ever wanted and now, she's with him, and him only. Tyki would have been celebrating in triumph if not for the sobbing girl in his arms as he planted soft kisses on her head. "Not just the humans, if you'd ask, I will keep you away from the Earl."

"I only want to be free, from the war and the responsibilities." Tyki smiled at her as his gaze softened, staring into her bright red eyes. He tipped her chin with his slender fingers as he kissed her again, this time with more passion. Guren responded to his kiss as her hands found themselves around his neck while Tyki carried her small frame up easily.

_It started with the perfect kiss then  
We could feel the poison set in_

His words were barely registered in her mind, as his kisses stole all the strength from her, body and mind. Tyki whispered love into her ears while Guren just smiled at the affection shown, she loved him and that was everything she needed. "I love you, Tyki."

* * *

Four months later

Guren looked at the mansion for the last time, reminiscing over the memories she held for this house and him. She had to move on with her life, she couldn't just stay here forever. The next time they meet, they would probably be enemies. Irony of life huh? They were lovers yesterday, and today, they would be at each other's neck the moment she decides to step out on this path.

Her footsteps never felt heavier than now, as though telling her to not leave. But the white-clad Finder stood in front of her, in the view of the setting sun. Yes. She was going to be the new life she chose. Not of the Noah, or Tyki, she was going be an Exorcist.

_'Goodbye, love.'_

* * *

**_Author's Rant:_**

_IT'S A CLIFFHANGER! I always wanted to do this. Hahaha. _

_Such a slow update… Actually this chapter was three-quarter done since few months ago, but the missing parts were hard to fill in, such as the ball scene and the acceptance scene. And mostly because I like to have some form of a standard in the length of my chapters, so I tend to keep them until they reach a certain word count. And this marks an end to Tyki-Guren relationship. Her leaving will be further explained in the next chapter. But yay! Kanda's going to be in the story finally, the next chapter! :D For Tyki's fans, don't worry, he will still be in the story, as both flashbacks and meeting with the now enemy, Guren. Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (: It's quite demoralizing to see high hits but only fourteen reviews..._

_I'm getting feedback about the viewpoint thingy, but I don't really want to change it, because it will be even messier for me. So sorry. But I will try to make it clearer, by at least starting with the first sentence with the person's name included._

_To **Lathya**: Thanks for following the story! You are almost right in your guess :D_

_To **Kawaiikitsune-hime13**: Thanks for liking the story (: I will try to update soon._

_To **Soft Leon**: Thank you so much for the effort :D Hmm. I'm kind of afraid I will make Tyki too sweet and gentle. Heyyyyy, I loved that band too. What song was it? Restless? The one that always got confused with Evanescence. That song is really nice :D Hmmmmm. I was thinking of putting her Exorcist abilities and duties on hold until she reaches the Black Order. Because I wouldn't think Tyki would allow AKUMAs to go near his little girl? Haha. _

_To **Ayame. Tenshi**: I love Tyki too~ Thanks (:_

_To **Melissadoll**: I like Cross too :D But he wouldn't be making an appearance until very long later ):_

_To **Moonlit. Nocturne**: Yes yes! I always have this problem with past and present tense, it's killing me. I try to in past tense, but at certain phrases or vocabularies, present tenses just popped out. I know it's kind of a tidiness thing, but I prefer not to pull in sub-headings in my chapters, cause I don't think it looks nice in an art point of view (haha, I'm an art & literature person) and the overall layout, so I try to start the paragraph with the name of the person that the passage is focusing about. Mouu~ this thing about Tyki's multi-façade thing is kind of hard for me to write about, I'm still trying to improve on it (: Thanks for taking time to give such a detailed review!_

_To **Reanie Campal**: Hmm, I'm kinda sorry, cause I'm trying to move away as quickly as possible from the past so that I can be closer to the actual canon storyline ): But at the end of the chapter, it is one year before Allen joins the Black Order, just to help you with the timeline thing (: _

_To **AcPa xox**: Thanks for liking Guren! I'm not very good with timeline... Because I'm not exactly sure of how long it is myself -.-_


	8. When The Pendulum Stops

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: A short update just to end the suspense (: This chapter is focused on Guren._

Recap:

_" Yes. She was going to be the new life she chose. Not of the Noah, or Tyki, she was going be an Exorcist. 'Goodbye, love.'"_

_Edited on 10 June, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – When The Pendulum Stops

Golden eyes blinked heavily under the rays of the rising sun as Tyki tilted his head, kissing the crown of his sleeping lover. His ashen fingers trailed over the outline of her feminine figure, hidden under the thin sheets. It was a blissful moment, to wake up every morning beside a beautiful angel, his angel. Tyki reached over and kissed the side of her neck, and trailed further down, kissing the mark of their bond on her left shoulder. He nuzzled his face into her long pearly hair and held her closer by from her waist.

"Morning, love," her soft whisper sounded melodic to his ears as Guren started their morning with a sleepy smile. Tyki replied with a kiss on her lips as her smile grew. "Nhm, don't you have work today?" She seemed to have picked up his way of speech, Tyki mused.

"It doesn't matter," Tyki continued planting small kisses on her skin, down her neck to her fingertips as Guren giggled lightly from the ticklish feeling. "You're all I need now, sweetheart." It was the truth. With Guren here with him, nothing else mattered, all there was just her and her only. It's amusing how she could easily make him smile or take away his sanity, just with a word or even a simple gesture.

_I'll make up for everything  
Everything you lost  
The warmth that taught me love  
The unchanging morning is your tiny heart_

"Sweetheart," Tyki sat up as the blanket settled at his waist messily while leaning over to look into her crimson eyes with a wink, "How about a shower together?"

A blush crept up Guren's face as she pulled up her side of the blanket and turned her body facing the other side, "No!"

"We have a nice bathtub," Tyki whispered into her ears as he kissed her temple and stretched over her small frame lazily. "I can't leave this bed if you are still lying here…"

"No excuses," Guren said as she lifted his head up and kissed his forehead, "Stop acting like a spoilt child already, Mister Tyki Mikk." Tyki leaned in for a kiss, as he deepened it, his tongue slipping in from her parted coral lips for a passionate kiss. He pulled away from Guren's sweet lips as he admired the colour on her cheeks with a smirk on his gorgeous face. "T-That wasn't r-required."

"What's not? You need to get use to my affections, sweetheart."

"I meant, too much love makes me drunk, love." She laughed and kissed his lips chastely, and then on the bite mark on his right forearm and touched his cheek lightly. "How I wish for this moment to last forever."

Tyki captured her lips again, bringing them closer as he felt Guren relaxing completely in his arms. She didn't know how much he needed her, forever, it sounds nice. "Temptation, sweetheart, I might want to lock you up."

* * *

Guren sat on the swing in the porch, watching the evening sky as the soft breeze blew in her wavy hair. Her hair had grown longer, falling at her waist, since the past six month spent together with Tyki. Her life never once felt so completed. No war, no AKUMAs, no Duke, just Tyki and her. Guren smiled at her own happiness as she poked the left eye of Pierre lightly. Cross. And Allen. Timcampy too. She missed them, from time to time, but everything here was enough for her to forget about her own pain. Tyki's existence alone was enough to bring her back from the edge.

_It's little things that only I know  
Those are the things that make you mine  
And you're the place my life begins  
And you'll be where it ends_

She wasn't the little girl that Cross had to carry around anymore. She's all grown up and her choices were to be made. Like how she chose Tyki over Cross' word, and how she chose love over the world. Selfish. Will God ever forgive her for just wanting to do this much for herself? Guren hugged her cat plush tightly, her eyes closed, trapping tears that were on brink of falling.

Why was she feeling guilty?

She didn't have to, it was her choice. She just chose an easier way out. No matter what she was, Exorcist or the Mockingbird, the only thing she wanted was to be normal. Build a loving relationship with Tyki, and perhaps start a family? Guren chuckled to herself, right, she had Tyki with her. Nothing else matters. He said that he'd protect her. What was she doing, being all sentimental on her own, when she had the most beautiful and caring man to herself?

She heard footsteps in the distance as she turned around, glad to know that Tyki was back. But the shadow in the far distance wasn't one of her lover. It was someone of her past, one she decided to give up on. "Mister Finder…" Guren ran towards the masked Finder, crossing an invisible line on the ground. Tyki had setup a barrier around the house, that no one, or AKUMA could see nor detect her when she was within the radius, he was just so cautious and careful with everything about her.

The white-clad Finder was surprised to hear the title being used, as he set his eyes on the sudden appearance of a young lady, unable to recognise her at first glance. But looking at the unusual colour of her hair and eyes, memory of a certain child came to mind, "Ren?"

"I glad you're alright, Mister Toma," Guren hugged the masked man gently, looking at him with a smile. Toma gave a brief nod as he looked around for her redhead companion. "I've separated from Cross, but have you met with him?"

"I'm sorry, Ren. General Cross had not been contacting the headquarters for a few years already."

"Oh, right. I haven't seen you people in a while…" Guren trailed off, remembering how Cross avoided contact with the Black Order after taking in Allen. "If it's consoling, Cross got another apprentice with him." Guren pulled Toma to the garden as they sat down on the seats, "So why are you in Portugal? There haven't been any attacks recently."

"Yes. I'm here to investigate about the unnatural number of attacks in this area," Toma looked at her in the eye seriously, as though knowing that something was up, "Which was practically zero in the past six months. Do you know anything?"

_The pendulum is still swaying  
A thread which follows my last hope  
Why did it snap and break_

Guren looked away from his eyes as she stared at her naked feet. Everything she had been thinking about when she was alone flashed back into her mind. She ran away, but it'd still find her. Was she going to be punished for going against her orders? Did Cross somehow managed to find out? A frown formed on her otherwise beautiful face, "It's me, Toma-san." Guren watched the confused look on the Finder's face as she had to rephrase her words, "I was the cause of the zero attacks."

"You are a host?" Guren blinked at his question, this wasn't what she wanted him to know. She was going to talk about her relation with the Noah, not about the Innocence she hid in her suitcase. Toma noticed how Guren was taken aback by his question as something clicked in his mind. Being a Finder for the past few years, he noticed that the hosts always had one thing in common, they never wanted to be an Exorcist. "Did you run away from General Cross?"

"No! He gave me permission to leave," Guren twirled a finger into her hair awkwardly, avoiding eye-contact. "To go to the Headquarters… Eleven months ago."

She could almost hear the sigh from Toma as the Finder looked at her firmly, as such Cross would when he was serious. "There are people that'd die to be chosen, and this is the only way I can support the church. And you are the one, blessed with the powers that the white uniformed army could only dream of."

"I understand the importance of an Exorcist to the Dark Order, but I don't want to be entangled in the war, Mister Toma."

"War isn't the only reason to fight for, what about the civilians, Ren?"

"It doesn't have to be me, there are other Generals and Exorcists."

"Do you really mean what you are saying?"

Guren looked straight into his eyes, fear and guilt choking up her throat. Certainly that wasn't what she meant, it's just excuses, and she knew it. Tears were forming in her eyes as she clenched her fists, "Why? Can't I be a normal person for once? I suffered so much, and all I want is one life-time of peace."

_Sins don't end with tears  
You have to carry the pain forever  
Who am I waiting for with no exit in sight  
What do I want to escape from  
Is it reality?_

Toma placed one hand on top of hers, silently encouraging for her to continue. Guren knew that he'd have no idea what she was babbling about, but she continued crying out her frustration, "It's just so unfair." Guren gripped his hand tightly, "I don't want to fight. I hate it."

Toma watched the young lady cried, wiping away tears with her pale hands. He wasn't in any position to discuss about this with Guren, for he was just a Finder and someone with no relation to her. Her tears only shown how emotional she felt towards the subject, that there might be a possibility that she would go to the Black Order. "Ren, if you have decided to become an Exorcist, I'll be at the station uptown for first train back to the Headquarters in the morning." Toma said as he carried the silver case back on his back, bidding her goodbye. He turned back to Guren, and placed a candy in her hands, like how he treated her when she was younger, "You'll need energy for whatever you are deciding to do."

Guren remained seated as she glared at the surface of the table. Fists clenched together, as she bit her lower lip, trying to stop her tears. _'At least no one pointed a gun at me this time,'_ Guren laughed weakly at her own joke, thinking back of the past, as she finally got up from her seat.

"It seems _forever_ only exist in fairytales."

* * *

She had intended to just have short soak in the bathtub, but the girl had just fallen asleep, tired from her crying. Guren stepped out from the tub, her ivory hair sticking close to her pale skin. The air was warm from the hot water as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Indecisive crimson eyes stared back at her through the fogged surface.

What was there to cry about?

She was cursed.

_Suffer._

The contentment she had for the last half year was enough to last her a lifetime. Even in the midst of her bliss, she knew that her happiness couldn't last. Something was bound to come up. She had always thought it would be the Millennium Earl finding out about her, and then forcing her to return to her rightful post. But she had never expected herself to choose being an Exorcist over being with her lover.

Lover?

She no longer had the right to call him that.

_My tears run down like razorblades  
And no, I'm not the one to blame  
It's you or is it me?  
And all the words we never say_

How silly of them. It felt as though if they were to turn their back on the world, nothing else would matter. But life's not easy. No matter how she tried to cover her ears, shut her eyes and barricade her mind, life still goes on. The Earl creates AKUMAs, and the Black Order still fights on. A never-ending cycle, just like her suffering.

She had thought death was the only way for her to be released from the pain. But it was only momentary. Her pain ceased, but she caused aching in her beloved. She tormented him, time and time again. But can she do to redeem herself?

Guren felt the tears falling again as she leaned her forehead against the moist surface, her weak fist hitting the mirror repeatedly. _Tyki. Tyki. Tyki._ His name ran through her mind. She was going to lose him again. And she was going to betray him too, to be on the battlefield with two different ideals.

_ 'Why do you weep, mistress?' _She heard the voice as she stared back into the reflection. It was her own reflection, as a Noah. The woman had ashen skin, with rows of stigma on her forehead, limbs and her chest. Her eyes were pure golden, mystifying and alluring. 'The answer is simple. Fight. My mistress' will is my own. I will protect you in the place of Sir Tyki Mikk.'

Guren clamped her hands to her ears, refusing to listen to her hallucinations any more. What was going on? Was she going insane? How could she speak to _Khaos_, like she was another being? _Khaos_ was her too; the last Noah of Void was the proof of her lunacy.

_"Have mercy upon me, O Lord; consider my trouble which I suffer of them that hate me, thou that liftest me up from the gates of death,"_ the sentence came out in soft whispers as she tried to keep herself from falling apart.

Why was it so hard to even breathe?

* * *

"Sweetheart," Guren heard his voice as she spun around her heels, jumping into the comfort of her lover. She had her arms tightly around Tyki's waist while Tyki gladly returned the hug as they stayed like that for a long moment until he broke the silence. "Did something happen?" She shook her head against his chest, while Tyki kissed the top of her head lightly, soothing her.

"Was it a nightmare," Tyki teased as he carried her light frame up easily, while Guren turned away from him with a pout. "I take it that you're not going to tell me?" A nod from Guren made Tyki chuckled, making light of Guren's tension. To him, Guren was like a little girl, always insecure about many things to his amusement. For instance, how come he returned home later than usual? Or if he were spending time with other woman?

"Tyki," Guren looked up at his handsome face while he carried her to their room, "Do you love me?"

_Even if I am lying  
Smiling is a classy sign  
Only the tears show my truthful side  
I hope we can laugh together when we meet again_

The older man looked at her in puzzlement before pressing his lips to her forehead, "Of course, sweetheart."

"I want to hear it," Guren insisted, fingers tugging on the front of his shirt after Tyki laid her down on the soft comforter. He sat down next to her, interlacing their fingers and brought hers to his lips. Tyki leaned forward, whispering into her ears and then capturing her lips in a passionate kiss, pushing her down onto the bed. Guren's free hand went to his chest, trying to detach them for a moment, as she asked in between his fervent kisses, "Say it again, please."

Tyki stared at the flushed girl, his golden eyes filled with concern. She was acting a little different, Tyki noted as he tousled her fringe, "I love you." Seeing the unusually mild smile from her, Tyki became even more concerned, "Are you sure nothing happened?"

_I know you're hiding something  
Every time I look at you  
You look like you're going to fall apart_

Guren shook her head, her hand reaching out to the side of his face, playing with his hair gently, "I love you so much." Tyki's smiling face was one that Guren loved the most, as she felt her heart skipped a beat, when the man took in her confession. If forever was real, could this night never end?

"I know."

* * *

Guren stared at his sleeping face, fingers twirling with strands of his hair. She didn't want to close her eyes, every second was too precious to lose. Dawn would be breaking soon, and it'd time for her to leave. Even though she promised not to ever use her abilities on him, but this farewell was too hard for her to bear. She told him to sleep, to dream a beautiful dream, and to wake up only after the sun was up, using _Gospel_ on him secretly.

She put on a plain white babydoll dress, as she went to the wardrobe to pack her belongings. Her fingers swept past the surface of her floral suitcase that had been neglected for the past half year as she smiled at the memories it brought back. Meeting Cross and discovering her background, becoming a Host, knowing Allen and being in love… Guren looked back from her shoulders, at the sleeping form of Tyki as she smiled, her fingers playing with the butterfly pendant hanging around her neck.

_I'm sorry for the way I let go  
From everything I wanted when you came along  
I know next to you is not where I belong_

Guren walked up to their bed, as she sat on the mattress gently, trying to make as little noise as possible. She rested her palm on the side of Tyki's face, admiring the contours of his face as her lips curved into a smile. He's so good looking even when asleep. Tyki shifted slightly, as he nuzzled his face into her palm, with a small smile on his sleeping face. After a few moments of silence, Guren retracted her hand, and instead kissed his forehead lightly before gathering her belongings to leave the house.

She decided on the idea of leaving a note, but trying to summarise her feelings wasn't possible. She had to tell him. Maybe not the fact that they'll be enemies the next time they met, but just some way to make him not look for her anymore. Guren felt like her heart was being torn apart as she scratched the inked quill across the note on the dining table painfully. She wouldn't want it at all, but it was the only way for her, for them to move on.

_Even after a lifetime  
Even until I die  
I'll wonder if the pain I caused you have healed  
I'm sorry  
Because I wasn't able to do anything for you_

_'Forget me.'_

* * *

"Good morning," Guren said, standing next to Toma who was about to board the train. "Have you gotten a ticket for me?" The masked Finder nodded, producing tickets for two from his pocket as Guren just smiled and pulled him on board. They were guided to their seats, as both of them remained silent even after the train started moving.

"It's brave of you to choose this path, Ren."

Guren heard his awkward statement, trying hard to start a conversation with her. She smiled again, nodding her head a few times, "Yes, I think I'm brave too," as she chuckled. She exhaled loudly as she turned to Toma, who was sitting by her side, "Black Order will be a fresh start for me."

Although she kept on saying motivated words, but her smile seemed to be faltering bit by bit. Guren had to distract herself from a certain someone as she kept on filling Toma with irrelevant information, such as her childhood with Cross and her journey alone, while the quiet Finder nodded to her conversations.

"I hope flying in the air will be possible one day, it's fun. You ought to try it. The feeling of freedom and the wind just blowing in your face, it's amazing." Guren was excited about telling Toma her first experience at flying, as a genuine smile was on her face. Then her smile seemed to have been wiped off her face suddenly, as her eyes became unfocused, memories returning to her mind, "And there were butterflies and the smell of cologne and tobacco…"

Toma became concerned at her abrupt silence as he shook her shoulder lightly, trying to break her from her thoughts, "Are you alright?"

She said she wouldn't cry. Because it was the correct choice, the choice she should had made a long time ago. Guren looked at his worried eyes as her vision became clouded slowly, "Is t-this really the correct choice?" Tears trickled down her cheeks, "I had to give up a part of me just to be here."

"At least you got to say goodbye." Toma replied, not really sure whether it was consoling for the young lady or not. He knew that she was acting happy all along with the fake persona as her fingers had been clutched together throughout the entire ride that her knuckles had turned white. Just when he was looking at her hands, he saw them moving as Guren leaned her head at his shoulder, causing the Finder to tense, "Ren?"

"Please let me have some rest, I'm tired."

_I can't just forget it like this  
My heart just becomes more numb  
How can I just wait  
I'm still falling apart  
The sky is clear  
Droplet by droplet  
I start to cry_

Maybe the reason why Cross told her to stay away was because of this, that love made her so weak. She wasn't like this back then, even when she was without Cross or Allen, she had been perfectly fine. But now, just hours of leaving Tyki made her so miserable, and pathetic. It felt like she was suffocating, suffering from the lack of love. It's self-inflicted. She knew. But her heart just wouldn't listen to her.

_'I've started missing you right after I said goodbye.'_

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_I could have posted this update four days ago, but my internet router died, and the person only came to fix it today. It's holidays again, until the last week of august, when I'll be having exams and then a break again. I will insert Tyki's point of view on her leaving in the next chapter. And the next chapter will be on Guren's arrival at the Headquarters and her first meeting with the other Exorcists. I read back and noticed that my paragraphing were deleted, the dash-dash-dash if your familiar, so I replaced them with line break. Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (:_

_Some information about the OC character, Guren Kreszenz:_

_She isn't albino. I made her have white hair, maybe because of personal preference but also to make a significant difference with her Noah self, Khaos, with black hair. For this OC, there is a difference between the Mockingbird term and her true name, Khaos, which would only be explained later in the story, a little like the black and white of a person. There's also a reason for her being so forgiving and loving. She does have a tragic background, but she has powers that people would kill for, and she has people who are willing to accept her, which sort of make it not-so-bad for her. Her Innocence, which will be named later, is not entirely good and have some side effects on her, along with her awakening Noah part. And Cross adopting her was because she was found when she was only five, and that he wanted some form of 'insurance' for himself in the coming war, it was a business-turned-family relationship, unlike Allen who was already a Host when he became his apprentice and was much older. Below is her original personality bar for her human/Exorcist self, whereby she has an easily influenced personality, low motivation and her defence-type Innocence, but her kind personality makes it easier for people to relate to her._

_Time Line_

- _Age 5: Adopted by Cross Marian and travelled with him as an unofficial apprentice._

- _Age 13: She travelled with Cross to retrieve Allen together._

- _Age 16: Cross left her in Europe and went to Edo, leaving her to find the Order and stay there. She met Tyki during her journey._

- _Age 17: After travelling around for almost a year, she finally entered Black Order as an Exorcist. _

- _Age 18: Allen joins Black Order. _

_To **AnaCorona**: Thank you for all the compliments! :DD I'm happy to know I had improvements in my writing since the long hiatus. I think the lyrics may be lesser in the following chapters :/ God, Tyki's going to appear lesser from now on ):_

_To **Soft Leon**: HAHAHAHA, I loved your response. And the fan girl moment :DD You made me smile in the morning when I saw this! But, I don't know about Pandora Hearts, never watched it. But I saw some images and her profile, and sorry, but no, Guren isn't anything like her ): Guren have very soft features, like demure and gentle appearance, her personality is more selfless and harmless, but her Noah side is very scary. And her hair is like… I used the IMVU program and got a similar picture of her, I posted it on my profile (: I may be inserting flashbacks to bring Tyki back into the story, can't bear to leave him out of the story ):_

_To **Lathya**: I haven't exactly thought of how Tyki might react :/ Her life as an Exorcist won't exactly be that great, with a hyper-active Lavi, a constantly annoyed Kanda and Bookman (He knows soooomething). I'll try to update more during this break :D_

_To **Rugiku**: Actually I haven't made my decision on Tyki or Kanda! It will depend on the current canon and also, her relationship with Kanda later on in the plot. Yes, yes, I like Allen a lot too, just had to put him into the story, he's like the perfect, caring and sensitive brother :D I apologise for the odd spellings, I have problem with my tenses, and sometimes I do slack off with the proofreading :x_


	9. Alone

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

Recap:

_"_ _But now, just hours of leaving Tyki made her so miserable, and pathetic. It felt like she was suffocating, suffering from the lack of love. It's self-inflicted. She knew. But her heart just wouldn't listen to her. 'I've started missing you right after I said goodbye.' "_

_Edited on 10 June, 2012. _

* * *

As Your Lover – Alone

Tyki stretched his body lethargically, arms reaching for the warmth of his petite lover. Fingers searched the cool spot beside him as his golden eyes finally opened, meeting the first rays of dawn. Weird, the Noah thought, knowing well that his little whitehead was a heavy sleeper. He got up, wrapping his robe around himself, the house seemed chillier this morning. Naked feet padded on the cold floor as he walked around the house, searching for the missing girl, "Sweetheart?"

The reply he received was only the cold wind beating against the windows. Worry slowly piled up in him, at every empty room he found, her belongings missing from their respective places and even her little toy wasn't on their bed. _'Where did she go without telling me?'_ Eyes laid on a piece of paper of the dining table as he recognized her writing immediately, from the love notes she left around the house for him occasionally, like _'Be safe for work,'_ or _'I'll miss you, love,'_ on maybe the mirror or on top of his round glasses. But this note was not like the ones she wrote before. A steadily escalating sense of foreboding seemed to envelope him.

_'Forget me.'_

What the fuck was this about? The only thing that came into his mind the moment he read the note. He took big steps, almost running, back to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe door roughly. Her suitcase was missing. She was really gone. Tyki combed his fingers through his long hair, frustrated at her disappearance. Why didn't he notice anything? The fact that she acted really weird the previous night, she was too… Loving? Was that the word? Guren tend to be slightly lukewarm in showing her feelings because of her demure personality, that she seldom initiated actions. He truly felt that Guren from the previous night was a ghost of the past he knew.

_As I paced back and forth all this time  
Cause I honestly believed in you  
Holding on the days drag on  
Stupid girl, I should've known  
I should've known_

He laid down on the couch, with his legs propped on the armrest. He sighed and kept his eyes covered by his arm. The air felt still and even his own slow heartbeat ringed in his ears. What an _eventful_ morning… Even though they had been together for almost a year, he finally understood that he knew little about her. The only thing he knew was that she has a master named Cross, and a fellow student, Allen. How had she lived her life before entering his? Where could he find her now? Her disappearance was just like when he first met her in the church, so sudden and life-changing.

_I close my eyes for a moment  
I still love you so  
I should give up  
But I can't let you go  
You taught me how to love  
How can I forget you now_

Guren taught him how to live, and he never doubted him at all. Tyki thought that everything was alright with them, just being together in their makeshift home. But he was wrong. Everything was wrong. This relationship was just not right. She came into his life, bringing reason to him, and now she left, taking away his sanity. Was this karma?

He remembered the time when she would just cuddle up to him, comforting him wordlessly whenever he was back from a mission. He hated those missions given by the Earl, but by securing his position in the family was the only way he could protect her. How could he continue to work without a goal in his mind? It almost seemed meaningless now. Guren… Her beautiful eyes. Her silky hair. Her dazzling smile. Her melodious voice. Her soft touches. She occupied every part of his memory, and probably heart if he still had one.

_Without you, I have no smile  
There is no rest to my tears  
I don't want to go on living  
It's nonsense, an outrage  
It's like I'm walking around amidst thoughts of you_

Perhaps he was wrong. He had never really protected her. It felt more like… He was playing into her hands. Even though he was the game master, but at times, she affected him too much. Rules were casted aside at her words, and conditions were revoked at her shy affections. Was she faking it to get something from him? Tyki shook his head, it was impossible, there's no way she'd betray him. They were meant for each other.

But why did she leave?

The more he stayed in the house, it only made him madder. Every inch and crook of the house reminded him of her, to the point that he could even hear her voice. Insanity, he was turning into. And also, rage, he was considering. She used _Gospel_ on him, even when they made a pact not to use her abilities to influence him. How could she do this to him? The only time he used his own abilities on her was because he didn't know it was her. There wasn't any other reason that he'd harm her. But now, she hurt him so much. Departure, betrayal and deception.

_I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.  
It's a quarter after one,  
I'm all alone and I need you now._

He got to find her, to know the truth. Why did she leave him, and why she lied. Tyki hated liars. Humans, they were all cunning, willing to do wrong for the various sins. But he trusted that Guren wasn't like any of them, she was the only one that stayed true the entire time. Nothing should be changed. It should be the same, just like before. Why couldn't things remain unchanged?

Tyki glared at the reflection in the mirror. He looked so hurt and vulnerable. It wasn't him. He's the Noah of Pleasure, there's no way that he would lose at his own game. "Liar," Tyki muttered, thinking of the smiling face of his lover, as he raised his fist onto his reflection, shattering them into pieces, "The game can't end before checkmate."

* * *

"This is the Headquarters," Toma introduced, as they both stood at the bottom of a cliff in Britain. Guren studied the structure of the building as she agreed for the few times with Cross, it was indeed a _'disgusting, old, creepy castle on the top of a damn cliff.'_ She stared at the architecture, amazed and puzzled at the same time, how would people travel up and down from the building? Her accompanying Finder seemed to have noticed her perplexed expression, as he filled her in with some information, "There's an underground canal that we can access. But guests or newcomers need to be checked by the gatekeeper."

"It is like a guard?"

"It's a gate, at the top of the cliff." Toma explained while they walked closer, "Do you have any form of documentation to identify yourself?"

Guren thought for a moment, and then quickly setting down her suitcase, searching for the letter Cross entrusted her with. As though remembering something, she took out the long forsaken Innocence and reattached the stud onto her tongue with some difficulty and a wince. "So I just need to be checked at the gate," she asked, placing the letter in the Finder's bandaged hands.

"That will be the case for newcomers."

"Thank you for bringing me here, I'll see you soon, Toma-san," Guren smiled brilliantly, putting behind her worries on the train ride here. Toma looked questioning at her statement, he did say that they would be taking the underground passage together. He watched the white haired lady played with the newly placed tongue for a while curiously, as she waved goodbye to him, "I'm an Exorcist." At her announcement, she breathed in, remembering her mission as an Exorcist and how she vowed to be one. Guren activated her Innocence, as a feathered mask covered the lower portion of her face and extended to her ears, "_Ethereal Songstress_, Level Two," sprouting a pair of translucent wings on her back.

Guren flew into the sky, with her toy and suitcase in her hand as she embraced the wind she gave up for so long. Guren looked down at the edge of the cliff, waving to Toma as the said Finder was still standing at his spot, staring at the girl in silent awe. Guren walked towards the gate cautiously, it was dim in the night as she found herself standing before a large gate after a long walk. She stood there, unmoving for a while, staring at the gate, unsure, as black golems flew around her.

"I am Guren Kreszenz, General Cross' apprentice. I have a letter of recommendation." Guren said to no one in particular as she looked around her awkwardly. All of a sudden, the face-like sculpture moved its face into hers, as a yellow light shone on her.

"X-Ray inspection!" The presumed 'Gatekeeper' that Toma mentioned to her, continued with an odd whining voice, "It isn't working, she doesn't show up clearly."

She stayed motionless, while the beam was still focused on her, as her mind was worrying whether they would let her in. There was silence for a good ten minutes, after the gatekeeper returned back to its stationary stance. Guren fumbled with the sleeves of her coat while waiting for some form of a reply. At long last, the large door opened slowly as a familiar face greeted her, "Please enter, Ren."

"En," a smile finally broke on her worried face, as she skipped to the entrance, "Thank you, Toma-san!"

Right beside him was a Chinese girl, with long dark green pigtails. She smiled at Guren as Toma excused himself while the girl introduced herself, "I'm Lenalee, the supervisor's assistant. Nice to meet you, Miss Guren."

"Just call me Ren, Miss Lenalee."

"Yes, Ren," even her giggle was cute, Guren noted happily, as it was her first time talking to a girl around her age. The Black Order already seemed fun. Lenalee started walking Guren around the building, introducing places like the dining hall, training area, medical room and library. "This is the place where Exorcists embark their journey from, so we call this Home."

Guren smiled at the mention of the word _'home'_, remembering her time spent with Cross and Allen, whereby young Allen would ask for them to go home, meaning the hotel they were staying at. It was finally a real home, somewhere she could also return to, it would be better if they were here with her too. Lenalee broke Guren out of her thoughts when they stepped onto a weird looking platform, bringing the two into the depths of the castle.

At the end of the ride, a white uniformed man with a beret on top of his purple hair joined Guren, addressing himself as Komui Lee, supervisor of the Central Headquarter as the escalator went deeper into the building, where lights seemed to be getting dimmer and lesser. The lift stopped in mid-air, in front of five people that Komui introduced as the Grand Marshals. Guren felt uncomfortable at their stares as she shuffled on her feet. Just then, an eerie white hand picked her up, followed by another few, suspending Guren in the air.

Guren found herself staring into an almost translucent monstrous-humanoid being as she squirmed under the creature's hold. "Innocence," she heard the creature muttered as she opened her mouth, showing the glowing green stud on her tongue.

"What do you think of her cross, Hevlaska?"

Komui asked the creature, as red eyes slanted to look at the supervisor with worry in them. She was beginning to feel extremely uncomfortable with Hevlaska touching her, it felt as though her body didn't belong to her anymore, like she was numbed. Hevlaska put her forehead to Guren's as the young lady tensed under the contact, "Three percent… Sixteen percent… Forty-two percent… Seventy-two percent… It seems like the most you can synchronize now with your Innocence is Seventy-two percent." Hevlaska returned Guren to the platform as she felt her legs gave way, causing her to fall on her knees as she watched the Exorcist, as explained by Komui during the confusion, with uncertainty. "Guren Kreszenz, there will be times when you have to choose. But let not your fears affect you, for you will create and write the future, and the Innocence will not forgo you."

_I got tired of crying  
Life doesn't hand out answers  
I might wander and stumble  
But I can't stop_

'_My fears? I fear losing, my family, friends love.'_ Guren looked at her palms, as though answers were carved on them, _'What future can the Innocence bring me? Can it stop the pain?'_ Her eyes saddened at the thought as she walked to the individual quarters. Could there be a future for her without betrayal, even though she chose to commit to this path?

* * *

_Komui,_

_Take care of my girl. Guren's Innocence has a special ability, learn how to use her properly.  
But that brat is not front-line material. That's all._

_Cross._

* * *

"Ren?" Someone knocked lightly on her door as Guren opened it to find a smiling Lenalee, with her bathing essentials in her arms, and her long hair reached over her hips, "Let's go to the shower together."

"O-Okay." Guren stuttered, and allowed Lenalee into her plain individual room. It felt weird for her as she got never been at the receiving end of someone's endless smiles. Guren quickly took her own bathing items from the wardrobe, "Let's go, Mis-" Guren thought of the honorific she was about to use, but the other Exorcist had already addressed her so familiarly, that she shouldn't act so formally, "Lenalee."

After washing up in the communion shower, Lenalee led Guren to the large dining hall as she was introduced to the cook, Jerry, who looked at her with interest. "You have nice eyes, little one."

"I-I'm not little. I'm older than Lenalee…" Guren ended her rebuke weakly, bringing a giggle from Lenalee. She was indeed much more petite than the younger Exorcist, as a faint red formed on her cheeks from embarrassment. Jerry apologised as he corrected himself, calling her 'girlie' instead, nevertheless still teasing about her height. Guren huffed as she quickly placed her order of hot chocolate.

"That was your Innocence right? Yesterday, when you flew up the cliff?" Lenalee asked curiously as Guren looked up from slipping her hot drink with a small nod. "You looked like an angel in the night, with long curled white hair and a pretty white dress!" Lenalee praised, causing the blush to return as Guren shook her head.

"I'm nothing like an angel." She wasn't being humble. It was true. No angel would be as selfish, treacherous, and deceitful as her. Even she disliked herself now.

Seeing the cheerless look on Guren's face, Lenalee quickly changed the topic, unsure if she had upset the new Exorcist in any way, "Did you sleep well last night?"

"No, I couldn't sleep." Guren replied with a smile, "Maybe I should go back to try and get some sleep. I'll see you later, Lenalee." She returned her tray and waved goodbye to the Chinese girl as she returned to her own room.

_When the morning comes  
I become lonely because  
You've gone farther away from me than yesterday_

There was a parcel placed on her bed, addressed to her as Guren opened it to find an Exorcist uniform, made to fit her. They took her measurements the previous night during dinner, Guren remembered as she took off her dress to put on her new uniform. She had on a white shirt with a white bow around her neck and a pair of black high-waist shorts with buttons lined up on the front. Her cropped black coat had the silver cross proudly pinned on her left, while a coattail teased the ends of her coat. Guren looked at her reflection, adjusting her white-trimmed uniform and put on a pair of black ankle-length heeled boots to match her outfit. Finding something amiss, Guren strapped on a pair of black leather wrist cuffs to cover the stigmas on her wrists, making her indeed a presentable Exorcist.

And there was one last thing she had to do. Guren tugged at the pendant that had been around her neck for some time, as emotions washed over her at the thought of it. She removed the necklace and kept the pendant in her pocket, _'It's just a safety charm. I'm not thinking of anything else.' _Guren reassured herself and her current mission, to become an Exorcist.

Guren went to the window as she whistled a soft tune, holding a small note in her hands. A pigeon landed on her windowsill as she tied the note onto the pigeon's feet. There was no definite way to contact that vagrant, but this method was possible because of her ability. "Fly, and pass my message only to General Cross Marian."

_I'm sure the blue sky is only here  
For me and you to forever look up at  
It was only for us to look up at_

Guren stared at the pigeon, flying off into the distance as her hands reached into her pocket, tracing the outline of her love. _'All I can do, is to stay away from you.' _Because there's no future for them as long as she's on this side. Guren felt a tear rolled down from her cheek as she tried to smile, because being happy was the antidote to anything, Cross told her that a long time ago to stop her from crying.

* * *

_Dear Cross,_

_I've successfully entered the Black Order as an Exorcist. It's a nice place. Hevlaska said that my Innocence will be with me as long as I make my choices, it seems like my future as an Exorcist may not be impossible because of my blood. But the gatekeeper couldn't see me, was it because of the same reason? The third stigma had surfaced, but it will be alright, because the next one will only come if someone close to me dies or I get attacked by the Innocence, which should be impossible. It will be okay if you and Allen stay alive. I'm sorry I came across a Noah, but both they and the Black Order don't know about my background yet._

_P.S I miss you and Allen._

_Your loving daughter,  
Guren Kreszenz Marian._

* * *

Guren was sitting in the cabin, across the other Exorcist she was partnered with, as she tried to keep as silent as possible, so as not to annoy him anymore. He was Japanese like her too, but he wasn't what you would describe using the word, nice. He was cold, stoic and arrogant. And Kanda Yuu was really scary, as she remembered their first meeting about three hours ago.

"_Come in, Guren." Komui motioned for her to be seated on the couch as Guren walked into the room, trying to avoid the piles of documents and books on the floor. She noticed another person sitting there, as he was looking in another direction, his elbow propped on the armrest. Looking at the black coat he wore, she came to a conclusion that the older and much taller guy was also an Exorcist. She sat down at the other end of the couch, her slender fingers tearing at the hems of her shorts nervously. "This is Kanda Yuu, another Exorcist. The two of you will be heading to Mexico for a mission, and the required information has been included inside the files."_

_Guren read the contents of file given to her, the mission was somewhere along the lines of retrieving an Innocence. For some reasons, she was extremely excited, it was her first mission as an Exorcist. She looked up at the supervisor, for further instructions, but before Komui could talk, the dark-blue haired Exorcist interrupted curtly, "I prefer working alone, Komui."_

"_But Kanda," the supervisor whined, causing Guren to change her image of the impressive looking supervisor entirely, "Guren is new here, and I need you to supervise her."_

"_Find a babysitter. I can't be bothered with this crap."_

"_Don't say that, look at Guren," Komui said as he pushed her to face the stoic Exorcist, "Don't you just want to protect her? She's so tiny!"_

_"Sir Komui! Please stop treating me like a child already, I'm seventeen! I'm even older than your sister!" Guren cried, horrified at the joke made about her height. No one talked about her like this before, even Tyki only made small references, but never so blunt like the supervisor. Both of the men were startled by the seemingly harmless girl's outburst as Kanda stood up from his seat immediately, and headed for the door without looking back._

"_If she dies, it's none of my business."_

"Ren, you should hurry and catch up with Sir Kanda. I'll be fine on my own." Toma said, after seeing how Kanda had got ahead, leaving the two of them behind. Toma had seen her Innocence before, and how she could move in the air. He didn't want to hold the younger Exorcist back, it was her important first mission, and her first impression to be made to the higher authorities in the Black Order. "Please go, I will be right behind."

Guren stopped to look at the Finder as he gave her an affirmative nod. _'Ethereal Songstress, activate,'_ the shiny green tongue stud emitted white light as a feathered mask hung on the lower portion of her face. It was the first time she used that name, Hevlaska gave it to the current form of her Innocence. _'Level two, activate.'_ A pair of translucent white wings sprouted from her back, she leapt into the air, her coattails flapping behind her as she took flight in the direction that Kanda went as fast as she could.

Explosions could be heard ahead, as she stayed in mid-air, trying to locate Kanda. From the peripheral of her eyes, she saw the swordsman wielding his Innocence, Mugen, against some Level Ones. She landed on top of the building that Kanda was fighting at, as she lowered her wings. But her flying seemed to have attracted more of the AKUMAs into their area, the ivory glow from her wings were like a lantern, attracting the demons in the night.

"If you can't fight, just stay out of it!" Kanda shouted in between his slashes at the AKUMAs, he sounded really furious, "Why did you attract more of them? Weakling."

Guren gulped at his anger, feeling afraid of his wrath but the view of AKUMAs swarming towards them, wasn't helping it either. She knelt on the ground and took a few deep breathes as the feathers covering her ears seemed to extend longer. Her crimson eyes were shut as she tried to find peace within her mind, her lips parted, as an alluring melody sounded in the night, carried by the wind to the ears of the AKUMAs.

Kanda was fuming about the idea of that new Exorcist pulling him down in his work, as the Innocence was already secured by him, though a few of the Finders were already killed by the demons. She could neither follow him, nor could she even attack. Komui said that her Innocence was a defensive type. Please, he was Kanda Yuu, not any other human that could be found on the side of the pavements, he didn't need protection. He mostly swore out loud when that girl attracted an army of Level Ones. But something was off about the girl, when she landed on top of the building, she looked almost… Confident. Even in the midst of the large number of AKUMAs.

Kanda heard her singing a strange tune as the AKUMAs that in the air suddenly came to a stop. They seemed to be swaying a little, as it all happened in an instant. The army of AKUMAs dissolved into white dust abruptly, causing the night to look like it was snowing. He looked up at the girl who was still singing, noticing the similarity in her Innocence with another Exorcist he knew, she was using sound as a weapon. But why did Komui said that she was an defensive type, her abilities seemed mighty offensive. "Stop singing already."

Hearing Kanda's voice snapped Guren out of her trance as her eyelids flew opened immediately. She wasn't sure what happened, all she remembered was that she wanted to sing, she had never tried purifying so many of them at once… "Mister Kanda, are you alright?"

"I'd be fine even if you didn't help."

"I'm sorry for dragg-" Guren couldn't even finish her words when she suddenly felt strangely tired as she fell forward, her wings and mask already dissolved into feathers.

Seeing her limp body fall from the top of the building, Kanda's eyes grew wide as he dashed forward, trying to catch her before she hit the ground. He did caught her, but the force cause the both of them to run into the wall, as his newest comrade suffered a hit on her forehead, while his back scraped across the wall. His injuries didn't matter much, because of his regenerative ability, as he shook Guren roughly, but she still remained unconscious. "What the f-" Kanda bit back on the word he was about to use as he dropped her on the ground without much concern. She fell asleep in mid-air. Fucking idiot.

* * *

Guren was laying on one of the beds in the infirmary, as she had somehow fainted again on the way back to the Headquarters. The wound on her forehead was bandaged neatly as she remembered what Kanda said about her. She sighed at the nasty memory, how could someone be so ruthless to his own comrade? Guess her first impression to him was really bad now. But he wasn't entirely wrong, she was really weak, or even useless in combat. Back then, she had Cross and Allen to help her, it was different now, she was already an Exorcist, but she just didn't feel up to it. She shook her head, clearing all thoughts of negativity from her mind, as she got off the bed.

She pulled on a sweater over her loose patient gown as she snuck out of the infirmary. Head Matron said that she could only leave at night, but she was feeling really hungry. Guren skipped along the corridors after her success in escaping as she made her way to the dining hall. She was thinking of a list of food to order from Jerry as she opened the large doors, but the sight wasn't exactly what she remembered from the last time she ate there.

Decorations were hung, although there were some still in the process of being attached, as the people in the dining hall froze at the sight of her. Guren tilted her head to read the words on the banner that was right in the middle of the hall, _Welcome home, Guren_. Oh, this was supposed to be a surprise. "I could come back later," she said apologetically as she took a step back. At her words, laughter was heard as they released the confetti poppers in the air, shouting their late greetings.

Lenalee came forward to pull her towards the centre as they congratulated her and presented her with a white mug that had her own name printed on it. "We all thought you were only coming around dinner time, but it's great that you're feeling better now." Lenalee explained with a bright smile as Guren was introduced to the members of the Black Order that were present. Though Guren was a little disappointed at the fact that the blue-hair swordsman wasn't around. Would be ever see her as an equal? It was kind of depressing to be reminded of the fact that she couldn't fight every single time she thought of Kanda.

"Hi, _chibisuke_." A bubbly voice called as someone held Guren from her back. Guren looked up to see a redhead with a visible green eye while his right eye was covered with an eye patch, as a grin was spotted on his face. "I'm Lavi, an Exorcist too!"

"Ch-Chibi?"

He laughed in reply after seeing the bewilderment on Guren's face, "Jerry told me about you. You really are tiny." Guren huffed resentfully, earning a ruffle from the older Exorcist onto her white hair. Black Order seemed really nice, but why did they have to make fun of her height, she had been degraded from a lady to a midget already within a few days.

* * *

Guren lied on the white sheets of her bed as she stared at the ceiling. The fan was rotating, and the sound of the clock ticking ringed in her ears. She couldn't fall asleep. It was already a week into her stay here at the Black Order, and the only time she really slept was when she fainted. Somehow, using her Innocence always got her really tired, maybe she should just activate it every night to help facilitate her sleep.

She flipped over on her side as her finger traced the pattern of the butterfly pendant that was placed beside her pillow. Tyki… His name never left her mind since she left him that day. She closed the pendant into her fist as she curled up into a ball underneath her blanket. She hated sleeping alone. She missed his warmth, the feeling of being safe while drifting off to sleep in his arms.

_When we can't meet,  
I'll revisit a sweet memory over and over  
You live inside of me_

_Concealing my loneliness  
I wish I could fall asleep to the caress of your voice  
Even on the nights we can't meet  
It's like you're embracing me_

Every time she closed her eyes, she could remember his eyes. The pair of beautiful golden eyes. One moment, they would be warm and loving, and the next, they changed into the ones she saw at the church, eyes filled with cruelty. But she brought this upon herself. There's no use mourning over her loss anymore. If she didn't meet him, then she would not be suffering so much now. She would be strong, and not fragile like she was now. But if they didn't meet, then her life would've been empty. It would just be a life to serve the Black Order, and knowing nothing of the truth.

_Every night I'm just a victim of the silence  
There's nothing that could help  
I would tell you that love is violent  
That it hurts more and more each day  
If you are asking me  
The price of falling in love is pain_

The truth was that, she fell in love. And her love had to die before it blossomed. Because it was forbidden, like the apple she chose to consume, under the temptation of a serpent called _Fate_.

* * *

"Lavi." The man old with dark circles around his eyes called his apprentice while the two were walking back to their rooms in the Headquarters. The redhead turned to face Bookman, all the cheerfulness from previous had already disappeared from his face, as a stoic expression was plastered on. "That girl… Something is off about her. Those were eyes of calamity." Bookman said, thinking back of the crimson pair of eyes he met once, a long time ago. But the new Exorcist's eyes didn't held evil like the one he saw back then.

"Are you talking about the eyes of _Truth_?"

"Yes, and we'll have to watch her. I can't be sure about her identify yet, we need more information."

Lavi sighed, placing his palms behind his head as he continued walking, "And I thought she was quite the sight. Too bad she's on that _danger_ list of yours, old panda."

"This is no joking matter. If she proves to be the one, it will truly be a significant change of events."

"Yes, yes, and it's our job to record the history. I get it." Lavi said that words that Bookman drilled into his brain as he mumbled under his breath, "It would be fun if she was really one of them. Then maybe this job wouldn't be that boring."

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_This chapter felt kind of sketchy and dry to me… I hope the next chapter would improve. I really hate fighting scenes. Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (:_

_Another Japanese term used in this chapter, which is Lavi's nickname for Guren, Chibisuke, it's a variation of Chibi, meaning small child._


	10. Nightmare

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: Finally an update after such a loooong hiatus!_

Recap:

"Yes, yes, and it's our job to record the history. I get it." Lavi said that words that Bookman drilled into his brain as he mumbled under his breath, "It would be fun if she was really one of them. Then maybe this job wouldn't be that boring."

_Edited on 10 June, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – Nightmare

"Why are you here too?" Kanda asked in annoyance directly towards the redhead that tagged along with their mission. Them, being him and that _Momonga_. He came up with nickname after their second mission, where Guren was in the process of being crushed by a fairly large AKUMA and he couldn't help but noticed her similarity with the same animal, small, jittery and fluffy, he meant her hair, they were completely the same. He sighed, first the noisy _Usagi_, and now the useless girl, was the Black Order running some sort of a zoo?

"Yuu, I just wanted to spend time with our new member!" The redhead replied with the use of his first name. Kanda really hated it when someone calls him by his first time, first that old man and now this rabbit. He watched how Lavi was hanging himself over Guren and she was trying really hard not to fall down from his weight.

Kanda couldn't quite understand this new member yet, even after they had gone on a few missions together already. She was weak, and her ability fluctuates a lot, sometimes she could take down an entire army and other times, she could not even finish singing a phrase. Weakling. And then, she would always put others before her, like that Finder. He was just a Finder, why did she give him so much attention? And that Finder addressed Guren differently like they knew each other. But that wasn't his business. He wasn't interested in her affairs anyway. "Shut up before I kill you, Usagi." Kanda finally snapped when the redhead continued pinching the younger Exorcist's cheek, causing her to make annoying noises. The two kept quiet immediately and sat up straight in their seat opposite him. Good, at least she listened to him.

They were in the large field as the Finders had already barricaded the area where the Innocence was. Some of them were injured, while others had died from the AKUMA virus. There was still a large number of Level Ones in the air, even though the Finders had tried to lock them down using the talisman. But this shouldn't be a problem. There were two of them today. As usual, Kanda never counted Guren in their fighting force. "Momonga, go retrieve the Innocence. Lavi and I will handle them." He instructed while drawing his katana as Lavi invoked his anti-AKUMA weapon, causing the hammer to expand. He headed straight for the AKUMA confidently, as he watched from the corner of his eyes at Guren taking flight into the air with her glowing Innocence wings. He heard snippets of conversations regarding Guren, talking about how her Innocence made her looked like an angel. Bullshit. More like a flying squirrel.

Guren landed circled around the sky, as she saws the remains of the Finders on the ground. Every single mission, she had been seeing this, that she as an Exorcist, was unable to save these people. It always tore her heart to arrive too late at the scene. Guren dived into the dark tunnel, as her boots made echoes in the wet cave. She reached the end of the cave, where the Innocence was supposed to be located at, but instead she found two sets of the white attire on the ground as a voice suddenly spoke up. "I've got the Innocence~"

Guren whipped around to find a few AKUMAs, not like the ones that appeared in masses, these were Level Twos. They were the same as the ones she saw in the church back then, her level of Seraphic Melody currently wouldn't affect them much, and she couldn't make one of them into her soldier to fight, the cave would collapsed on her. "Where is the Innocence?"

One of the AKUMA, with a dirty, grey, top hat and a creepy smile crooked his head, as he picked up the green shard from under his hat, "Here, here! And I will be giving this to the Millennium Earl!" The AKUMAs cheered, completely disregarding her presence, as another AKUMA spoke while laughing, "We know you, the winged Exorcist. Your songs are useless on the evolved ones!"

Guren bit her lips, at the disgrace felt and also her own impotence. _'At least, I should try to get the Innocence to Mister Kanda,'_ Guren thought as she stared at the hat-wearing AKUMA that had the Innocence. "Hey," she called as the AKUMAs looked at her, one of them was starting his cannon, ready to end her, "Will you believe me if I say I can fly the fastest?" Guren suddenly opened up her wings as she charged at the AKUMA, using all her strength to hold it still and pushing him out of the cave. She could hear the other two AKUMAs sticking close behind her as she shouted loudly to Kanda, while diving down, "This one has the Innocence!"

Kanda looked up at her voice, only to find a surprise coming down at him. An AKUMA was flying in his direction at a velocity that he would consider that Guren fired a canon at him as he positioned himself for his attack, "Underworld Creatures, First Illusion!"

Guren didn't have time to watch how the battle went on ground after she threw the AKUMA, as she headed straight for the group of Level Ones that were closing in on the Finders, '_Divine Canary_.' She directed her captivating hymn towards one of the Level Twos that were behind her back as its eyes turned an eerie white with a glowing cross etched onto its forehead. Guren landed on the ground as she continued singing, working the AKUMA that had become a soldier of God under her enchantment as the AKUMA began attacking the lesser AKUMAs. Maybe it was because of her lack of practice with this skill because of its devious nature, her control was broken by the AKUMA's will as it turned at her, eyes gleaming in red, ready to kill. She screamed when its claw was coming down on her as she shut her eyes, but a familiar annoyed voice spoke, "Committing suicide after trying to kill me?"

She would have shouted his name happily at being rescued, but standing before her was a Finder with blood spreading on the back his white cloak. Kanda didn't arrive in time. Someone else was going to die for her. The man collapse on the ground as he smiled at her, tears were running down her cheeks as she watched the black pentagons forming on his body, "No… I'm sorry, please don't die!"

"Stop it, it's over for him." Kanda said as he pulled the crying girl up by her wrist roughly. He really hated it when people got overly emotional, and they had to bring back the Innocence before more of the AKUMAs came. Both him and Lavi were tired out and covered in scraps and cuts from the fighting already. Guren refused to release the Finder from her arm as she snatched her wrist away from his tight grip. He hadn't seen that much strength in her since they first met when she scolded Komui. Kanda stood there, glaring at her figure, well, he could wait for a while, just for the Finder's body to integrate to dust. Probably in about five more seconds.

Guren hugged the Exorcist, as every pentagon appeared on his skin, it made her despaired more. _'Innocence… I know I can do this, I am the Mockingbird. Please let me save this man with the powers I have deep in me, I know you can change my Dark Matter to something used for saving lives.'_ Guren prayed as she hugged him tightly, she didn't want an innocent man to die for her, it just wasn't right, as she sang a calming tune. Her voice was shaking, but it didn't matter, as long as she could stop it, to stop the man from dying, as tears only increased at every second.

"Stop," Kanda jerked her shoulder, facing her as worry was evident on his face. Guren looked at the man in her arms as a smile broke on her face. He was alive, the shapes were gone from his skin, she did it. Kanda didn't want to celebrate at her success, that the girl herself didn't notice when she was singing that tune, indeed the poisoning process was reverting, and he felt his wounds recovering slightly as well, but as she sang, the feathers from her translucent wings were falling off. It's as if her Innocence was in pain. He hasn't seen anything like that before.

"Yuu, I didn't know that _chibisuke's_ Innocence could heal people…" Kanda turned to look at Lavi when he approached, his wounds were also mostly healed. Guren was smiling at the Finder that was awakening slowly as her eyes went fuzzy again, her body suddenly felt jaded with her mind shutting down. She felt her eyelids closing as she fell sideways, into a pair of hands that caught like her the first time.

* * *

"Mhm~" The Millennium Earl, also known as Adam by his closest, hummed a tune while knitting a new toy, sitting on his rocking chair. It was somewhat of a regular routine for the maker, to be seated in his chair, waiting for phone calls. Calls from the stupid humans that would take the bait he laid for them. He heard the ringing sound of phone numbered hundred and sixty-three, one of the many lines dedicated to his precious pawns. "Hello," the Creator's sickly sweet voice sounded from his end of the phone as he nodded at the information passed over. "I see. Thank you very much, dear AKUMA."

An Exorcist with the power to heal… Fascinating. Have the wrenched Innocence involved to this stage already? What an irony it was, for those mere humans to try and go against the will of their God, trying to defy how things were supposed to be. To be able to reverse the effects of the AKUMA poisoning, what else can this little human do? This new piece of information tickled his interest as he resumed his knitting.

If the Black Order had such a trick under their sleeves, then where was his little pet? Maybe he should have a meeting with his family soon, to see the face of the Noahs he doted on. Especially little Tyki. It must be troubling him, to be missing his other half. The Millennium Earl sighed as he reminisced on the past. Ah, the children that always gave him problems. But it seems like they never do grow up, especially the twins.

World domination is hard with all those kids constantly fooling around.

* * *

Guren was flying in the wind as she searched for the locations of the Finders' team. Since the mission last time, she was never called to a mission alone, and she was to serve in a backup team. Komui said that her healing powers were something to be protected, and to be kept away from the eyes of the Millennium Earl. But at the moment, all other Exorcists were away and Komui had no choice but to send Guren out to the field to aid the Finders in retrieving the Innocence.

Her heart sunk at the sight of the numbers of casualties as she sung her tune of death, _Seraphic Melody_, causing the weaker AKUMAs to be broken down into dust by her Innocence. Guren was getting better with exorcism, and her synchronization had improved, corresponding to her will to protect people. She landed at the base where there were only a handful of Finders alive, while their hoods littered the ground around her. One of the Finders quickly attended to her as he took her to the hiding spot of the Innocence. Guren took the Innocence from the barrier and secured it onto herself, "Finder-san, could you get the remaining Finders to evacuate?"

"But Lady Kreszenz, we'll have to ensure your safety first!"

"I will be alright." Guren said reassuring with a small smile, as she waved her hands at the other Finders, motioning for them to leave. "I'm an Exorcist too." After everyone was evacuated, Guren finally dropped the smile on her face as she reactivated her Innocence to Level Two, forming the pair of wings behind her. She breathed into sharply, as all the emotions she had been suppressing begun to surface.

She was terrified. Her entire frame was trembling as images flashed before her eyes, the memories she had from her previous lives, the memories of suffering, not just her own, but others as well. Throughout this life, she was always protected, by Cross, Allen, Lavi, even Kanda. And her lover too… But this time, it was entirely up to her. So much more people would be hurt if she were to fail, as she looked away from the remains of the Finders that were sacrificed in the mission of retrieving the Innocence. She had to be strong. Her translucent wings glowed as she flew into the air, activating her abilities as she sung her purging tune. She was like a torch in the dark sky, attracting the Level One AKUMAs to her instantly as they were purified upon the hearing range.

But the AKUMAs seemed to be never ending as she went further and further from the location, towards the plain fields where there would be little chance of casualties, expect for herself. Just when Guren was getting tired from the use of her powers, a Level Two AKUMA joined the mix in attacking her as her _Seraphic Melody_ was useless against the higher ranking AKUMAs. She could barely swivel away from the incoming bullet as it hit one side of her wings causing her Innocence to deactivate from the disruption as she plummeted onto the ground roughly. Her vision was blurry from the fall as she held her side painfully, _'Innocence, activate.'_ The mask returned to her face as she changed the tune, singing the song of a marionette, _Divine Canary_. The Level Two AKUMA went under her control as its eyes turned an eerie white with a cross etched over the black pentagon, as it began attacking the other AKUMAs.

Her voice was quivering from the pain of her broken bones and the loss of blood as she tried her hardest to remain conscious. If she were to stop singing now, who knows what would have happened? Another stray bullet came in her direction as she tried hard to leap away but the impact caused her to fall as she coughed out blood from her drowning lungs. The AKUMA that was originally under her control broke free when her song stopped as it faded into dust. Guren shook in fear as her shield was now gone and she knew she was in no condition to fight the entire army on her own. Her paled lips trembled as the first word that came to her lips was, "Ty-Tyki…" She shut her eyes when she saw the virus-filled bullets coming towards her.

"Underworld Creatures, First Illusion!" She heard his fierce voice as she opened her eyes to see the back of the dark haired Exorcist. She heaved a sigh of relief but before she could say anything else, Kanda shouted at her angrily while going on to attack the remaining AKUMAs, "Don't you dare move from that spot and increase my workload!"

Guren stayed rooted to the spot as she watched him fight. She was getting lightheaded from the blood loss but her mind refused to shut down. If she was ever competent, she really wished that she could be able to do something now. At every AKUMA then Kanda slashed down, it only bit into her pride and self-worth more. Kanda said that she was weak, and looking at the situation now, she was really useless. All those years she had been with Cross, and she had failed to become a true Exorcist. A tear slid down from her crimson eye as she fisted the dirt on the ground.

The horrifying memories of being alone and ostracized raced through her mind. She had already lost her place beside him by choosing to leave, and if they were to relieve her from the organization, she would be back to being alone again. She didn't want to be just protected anymore, she wanted to be of use and never wanted to be abandoned again.

"Innocence," she tried to sit up weakly as Kanda turned to look at her for the briefest of the moment. Still holding her side, her eyes closed as she could feel the Innocence resonating within her. "White Angel, activate!" The stud on her tongue glowed green as the mask on her face dissolved into feathers, but instead of fading into the air like when she deactivated Ethereal Songstress, one by one, the wings attached onto her back as they became a pair of real wings. '_Heaven's Judgement_,' she screamed with all her strength, in the highest pitch she could sing as her voice echoed in the night. The ground shook from the force of her scream as the gravity around the entire area increased, forcing the AKUMAs to wreck onto the earth and exploding. But the sudden change in the synchronisation of her Innocence and the use of its power took a toll on her already injured as her body gave way. Her eyes were becoming unfocused as Kanda came running in her direction.

"Tch," he muttered as he tried to pick her up, "You did well for a _momonga_."

She smiled at the compliment that was rarely given out, as she wanted to reply him but there was a sole surviving AKUMA fired its bullets with its last breathe in their direction. Guren did the only thing that she could do at the moment, as she pushed the older Kanda aside, and took the hits. The last thing she heard because she blacked out was a strange ringing in her ears, like the sound of a piano from her true _home_…

* * *

The trained eyes of Bookman observed the unconscious Exorcist whom was lying on the hospital bed, while the Black Order's Supervisor, Komui Lee was reading the medical report of his subordinate. Just few hours ago, she was in a critical stage with a high fever and suffered life-threatening damages that would have ended with Guren simply fading into dust. But something had prevented that. Not only was the AKUMA poisoning gone from her bloodstream, her wounds had also healed mysteriously at an amazing speed.

"What do you think of this, Bookman? Could it be her Innocence?" Komui asked curiously. Guren had gotten injured before and it healed normally like any other beings, minus the Exorcists in _certain programs_. But just this time, her body had healed without a scratch, and in an unbelievable speed that almost seemed inhuman.

"It's the first time I've seen such occurrence. It doesn't seem like the act of her Innocence, _White Angel_ was deactivated the moment she became unconscious. The fever she was under was probably the effects of the dark matter within her body. But strangely, the skin around her wound turned gray when they were regenerating."

"Gray?"

"It reminded me of something from the past." Bookman stated, as Komui understood the look in his eyes, that this topic had ended and Bookman was not going to revealed what the strange occurrence was about. "Her body is exhausted, and the accelerated healing would likely cause her to be asleep for a few more days. But she should be fine now."

Bookman left the room, his footsteps heavy as he walked on. During the operation, he saw something in her crimson eyes that shouldn't be there. Through her slipping through conscious and unconsciousness, her eyes only met with his once, and it inflicted fear into the elder. It was filled with killing intent, something foreign from the kind-hearted child he first saw several months ago. And it was in that moment that she started to heal, it was like something was trying to keep her alive. Lavi mentioned that Guren was also able to reverse the poisoning process, just like she did with injuries.

Could Noah Clan that was never ever documented properly, including the phantom Fifteenth member, one with the powers of God truly exist?

* * *

Guren was sitting alone in a dark room, with no door or windows. She couldn't see what was before her eyes, and all she heard was the buzzing silence. She laid on the ground, curled up into a ball as she closed her eyes, trying to believe that this was just a dream. He said that he'd always rescue her, that he'd never abandon her. But where was he now when she need him?

_On the days when I didn't know how to fill up the hollowness in my heart  
I'd think it must be a lie that the world I see now with my eyes is all there is_

Tears flooded out from her eyes as she cried silently. She was scared, lost and above all, she was alone. In her mind, she tried to remember the name of that person, or even his face, but it was just a blur in her memory. She wanted so much to know who he was, that person who loved her. Suddenly, a bright light shone in her face, as she tried to open her eyes. A figure appeared through the bright light as she immediately recognised him. Guren stood up with all her strength as she ran towards the figure, hugging his waist and burying her face into his chest. It was the smell of his cologne and tobacco.

_If we were to become estranged  
If we were fall in love then  
That wouldn't do  
The painful memories  
I wouldn't be able to stand them_

She looked up at his face with a smile, finally being able to be together with her love. But what she met with was not a face filled with love, it was the exact opposite. He pushed her away harshly, as Guren fell onto the ground in pain. She looked at him, not understanding why there was so much hatred burning in those ferocious golden eyes. "Traitor." He stated simply, as he stepped on her fingers, causing her to scream in pain as she shook her head at the accusation. "You are part of them now, the Black Order," the beautiful man before her spat out venomously, eyes not leaving her even once. "And we are enemies. You are no longer with me, or the clan."

_Every time you go  
I'm in the shadows  
Every day you know  
The pain inside grows_

She tried calling out to his retreating figure, but her voice was lost in her despair. _'Don't go, don't leave me!' _She stood up to run after him, to reach for his warmth again, but the light in the room disappeared as she was thrown back into darkness again as all her fingers could grasp was just nothing… She had lost him again.

_I cried all night  
And I called out to an unresponsive you  
I've kept avoiding the world  
Because I've been dying the moment you left_

She fell back onto the ground as the words he last said played repeatedly in her mind. She had remembered what she did. She was the traitor. She was the liar. She was the evil one now. She betrayed his trust. She betrayed their love.

_Everything is over for my hopeless self  
Just like a slowly sinking ship_

If she couldn't have him, then what was the meaning to her existence? Tyki. He was the man she loves and would never stop loving him. He was her everything.

* * *

Kanda was staring out of the window on his seat, bored. Why did he have to wait for that girl to be well before returning? She was always pulling him down. But she took the hit for him without hesitating. 'Tch,' his annoyance came out subconsciously. He tensed when he heard a murmur, quickly looking at Guren, worried if he woke her up. Wait. Why was he worried? Was he suddenly animal-friendly? Kanda rolled his eyes at his thoughts as he took a step nearer to the resting girl. He noticed how her eyebrows were furrowing together and her small frame was shaking. Do people sleep like that normally, or was this an animal thing?

Maybe he should wake her up, from whatever she was dreaming about. The older Exorcist reached his hand towards her, but before he could shake her awake, her eyes snapped opened, shocking him. Just a little. She didn't make any motion nor spoke, but stared at the ceiling above her as though in a trance.

"What?" Kanda snapped at her. Like a frightened child, her crimson red flickered to him, staring into his dark blue eyes as she pulled her legs closed to her chest. For a split second, Kanda almost wanted to comfort her. But that idea got scratched out when tears started flooding out of her frightened eyes.

The only sound in the room was her sniffing, while Kanda stood awkwardly, not leaving his spot. Why the fuck was she crying? What? She only noticed that she almost died a few hours back?

"Why am I alive?"

Kanda heard her mumbling the words as he stared at her incredulously. Was she seriously looking for death now, after all the effort he used to save her? Kanda scoffed in reply, thinking about how the crying girl had wasted his time. His irritation only made Guren cried harder that it made him leave the room, to get away from her crying.

Guren looked up at the sound of the door being slammed shut as her frame was still shaking from the vivid memory of her dream. It was so real. And it was the truth that she had been trying to ignore. She's a Host, but soon, she would become part of the Noah clan. She didn't belong anywhere. The Noah would never forgive her betrayal, and the Black Order would kill her if they knew the truth.

_Rummaging through the ends of my soaked memories  
I tell myself I can live just as well without you  
Even if I try to chill my troubled heart throughout the night  
A day without you is so long_

No matter how hard she tried to fit in, it always didn't work. Why? Is it because she chose to leave him, to leave this destiny that she was being punished? How she longed to be with the person she loved, but it scares her that he'd hate her for what she had done. She could never forget how he looked at her in her dream. The pair of golden eyes drowning in overwhelming hate.

* * *

The atmosphere was tensed within their cabin. It was clear that Kanda was still pissed about Guren's previous emotional outburst. Once in a while, Kanda would glance at the whitehead from the corner of his eyes, just taking note if she were going to cry. She hasn't said a single word since they got on the train. Although he didn't want to admit it, it did worried him as of why the usually bubbly, no, annoying would be the correct word, girl was being so melancholic.

"Do you have someone that you can never forget?" Guren broke the silence first, as she leaned her head on the window, eyes closing slowly. The older Exorcist stared at her, knowing it was merely a statement that didn't required his answer. Kanda thought about her words, as he watched the lotuses bloomed around Guren, something only he could see. He was once loved by a woman, and he vowed to find her back no matter what. Did Guren have someone important to her too? But she was said to be an apprentice of General Cross… Could she have been taken away forcefully by the general like how they did to Lenalee?

_I'm in torn in pieces  
Will you fix me  
And wake me from this bad dream_

He watched Guren picked out something from her pocket, a magenta and black butterfly pendant as she stared at it longingly. It wasn't the first time Kanda had seen that pendant. Many times, he had caught her playing with it whenever she was alone. But it was the first time he's seeing such a mature expression on her childish face. For some reason, he really wanted to know who it was that could make her feel that way.

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (:I'm so sorry for this seriously long hiatus, I was just too busy with school and all. Even though my updates are slow, are really slow, but I can assure you that I won't be giving up on this story unless I state as such. Ah, this chapter was really boring for me, I hate fighting scenes and they seemed so crappy to me. Please accept my apologies. _

_Third set of Japanese terms used! Momonga means Flying Squirrel, and Usagi is Rabbit!_

_Preview of next chapter:_

"_I said to release me, Mikk."_

"_I won't. Make me."_


	11. Kiss Goodbye

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: A new update so soon! But it's a little short :/ _

Recap:

_"For some reason, Kanda really wanted to know who it was that could make Guren feel that way."_

_Edited on 10 June, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – Kiss Goodbye

"I feel tired whenever I use the Innocence," Guren explained as she was sitting on the couch, directly opposite Komui's desk as she had just returned back to the Black Order. She had felt more lethargic than when she was a child, after being a host, that it felt as though her energy was withering away the moment she was awake. "And when the synchronization increased, the wings felt really heavy to me… It was almost excruciating. Is this normal?"

"I don't think I will be able to give an answer to that, Guren." It was the truth that every single Innocence shard acts differently and accordingly to their accommodator. But he had never met an accommodator that experiences stress from just the use of the Innocence. The happenings around this child were just getting more unusual by the second. "But an increased synchronization rate is an improvement, you will now become stronger."

"But the Innocence felt different, I thought it was a defensive type of Innocence. It felt like Ethereal Songstress wasn't what the Innocence was supposed to be, it wasn't the songs…"

"The Innocence is a reflection of your heart, it changes according to you, whether defensive or offensive." Komui smiled at her upon seeing her troubled face, "Because of your own fear of drawing blood, that Ethereal Songstress was created. White Angel is only borne when you made up your mind on being part of the war, something which you had been denying for a long time subconsciously."

'_I never really wanted to be an Exorcist, because I feared that the bloodthirsty side of me would surface if I were to take another's life. But it was still that part of me that kept me alive from the AKUMA's attack. This cursed blood of mine.'_

"But that name really suits you well, White Angel. A beautiful voice, a pair of pure white wings and the ability to heal, like someone sent by God to us, the Black Order." Komui joked to lighten the mood.

"You overestimate my worth, Komui-san." She smiled mildly as she excused herself from the room. She closed the door behind her as she walked slowly back to her private quarters. Angels are pure, untainted beings. But she could never be one. Komui was right, though not entirely. She was sent by God to the humans, but she betrayed them to join the other side. And now, she had become a traitor again.

_I broke your heart  
Tore us apart  
And just walked away  
I did it all for you_

Guren touched the recent stigma that was on her left wrist, hidden under the black leather wrist cuffs. If she'd allow the next stigma to surface, it would definitely become the end of her stay with the Black Order. Maybe that's why her Innocence changed, for her to be able to fight, to kill the AKUMAs and to heal the ones she loved, so that death wouldn't occur. If someone close to her dies, she'd be one step closer to falling into the Limbo, where she would be stuck forever in the gray area. That voice of her insanity, she was beginning to hear more of it now.

* * *

"Seriously, why am I always stuck with you?" Kanda grumbled as they sat were across each other in the cabin that he had to accompany her to another location to heal another team of Exorcist and Finders. Kanda was constantly annoyed with Guren whenever he saw her ever since that incident in the hospital room. She tried apologising for what she said, that Guren thought maybe it was because of her careless words of dying that angered him but it didn't seemed to work.

She sat quietly, not daring to look at into the eyes of the older Exorcist. It was their first mission together since then that Komui had also noticed the tension between the two and decided to pair her up with Lavi or so she was told. Guren tugged at the ends of her shorts as she looked at him apologetically, "I'm improving now. I'm trying hard to become a better Exorcist, Mister Kanda."

"Tch."

"I want to be strong so that I can protect people. I have always been protected by Cross, Lavi and Mister Kanda too."

"Exorcists exist to kill, not to protect." He stated simply as Kanda could see the sorrow in her eyes and how her meek smile fell upon hearing it. He was just putting forward the truth. No matter what she thought it was, saving or protecting, in the end, she would still be killing. In a way, he was enlightening that dreamer.

Kanda never understood what the demure Exorcist was thinking about, many times, he had seen her giving her all just for another person. But does she even understand that if she were to die, the damage caused to the Dark Order would be far worse. Stupidity. That's one of the many traits he hated in people.

* * *

Guren was really tired from using her Innocence for a prolonged period to heal people, and she had also suffered a few injuries from the AKUMAs' attack along with Kanda's verbal abuse. Her Innocence was taken to be repaired as she walked on with heavy footsteps. Guren thought about what happened during the fight, it wasn't even halfway through the fight that her body was starting to feel extremely fatigued and she had to depend on Kanda to bring her home. Why was the Innocence affecting her so much? She was still dressed in her hospital robes when she snuck out, hoping to return to her room instead. Although Head Nurse Matron was a kind lady, but Guren really disliked being in the ward because it too quiet, and too white, like the room she used to live in. For now, she just wanted to hug Pierre and go to sleep without worrying about anything else.

She opened her room door with her tired fingers, but the moment she was through the door, she was pulled by someone and slammed against the door. Guren didn't have any time to react as both her wrists were caught and she was forced to be quiet by another person's lips. She could feel his lips kissing her hungrily, his scent floating to her nose and the taste of tobacco on his lips.

She dropped all signs of her defences as she parted her lips, so that she could taste more of him, more of her lover, more of Tyki Mikk, the Noah of Pleasure. She closed her eyes when she felt him responding to her need for intimacy as he loosened his hold on her, moving his hand to her lower back, pressing her closer to him. Ren used her free hand and grabbed the front of his shirt tightly. How much have she dreamt for this, for her to be able to feel him again?

_I need to feel your hands all over me  
I need to feel you kissing me  
I need to feel you holding me  
I need to feel your touch  
Cause I miss your love so much_

Guren felt his body relaxing as he finally released his hold on her, feeling up her bare skin as it sent shivers down her spine. She could feel that Tyki was as eager as her, both of them not wanting to be separated even for a moment, as they took only quick breathes so to not be apart.

Tyki could feel how her frame was trembling under his touch as he knew that his little lover was still his, that she had never forgotten him even after such a long period. Four months. It took him that long just to find out where she was. He only caught wind of an Exorcist that could reverse the AKUMA poisoning first, and it sparked her interest, where he came to realize that that certain Exorcist was her. He had to find a way to sneak into this bloody tower that was considered very high in altitude. And he was… Glad, that she didn't push him away. His actions betrayed him of his feelings, that at the moment, when he entered her room, all the anger he felt was replaced with his longing for her when her presence was apparent in the entire room. And when she walked through the door, he really didn't care what was right or wrong, for the thing he wanted at that moment was just her.

_Hold me and love me  
Just want to touch you for a minute  
Maybe three seconds is enough_

His mind was completely filled with her, but Tyki felt himself being pushed away as he stared down at the petite girl. Her trembling fingers were still placed on his chest, but when he tried looking into her eyes for an answer, Guren looked away quickly, refusing eye-contact with him.

Maybe it was frustration that caused him to become forceful again, where he used one hand to pin her down by her shoulder and the other on her chin to make her face him. He studied her face carefully, remembering every single detail about her, the contours of her face, the colour of her lips and her beautiful eyes. Her eyes were filled with so much sadness that he simply couldn't understand. Why was she acting this way, even though it was her whom started all this?

All the anger, hurt and agony he felt, Tyki could just dump them all aside. As long as she was with him. He wanted so much to just murder her right on the spot for his inner Noah was trashing about from the feeling of being betrayed, but he couldn't. Just the sight of her intoxicated him so much that he wanted nothing more than to be in love with her again.

"Why did you leave me behind, _Harmonia_?" Tyki asked softly, his own golden eyes reflected the pain in Guren's eyes as he placed his thumb over her lips to prevent her from speaking. For those years that he was alone, he didn't want to lose her again, even if the cost was his pride. All he wanted was them to be reunited, why was it so hard? "Let's go home together, to the Ark…"

_Can you see that I am human I am breathing  
But you don't give a damn  
Can you feel my heart is beating  
Can you see the pain you're causing_

Guren felt her heart stopped when the man she loved so much told her that, to return to his side and forget everything that happened. Her heart wanted so much to leave with him, but her mind was saying otherwise. It was killing her to see the sadness in his beautiful eyes as she placed her hands on his wrists and pushed them aside.

She looked at him, knowing that this could be the last time they could face each other without feeling the urge to obliterate each other. If she were to ever say it, they would be enemies. "I am an Exorcist, Mikk." The truth was always the hardest to say, because once you had lied, they would just pile on and on, and the one that would be hurt in the end, would be the liar that started it all. "I live to destroy the Millennium Earl and his followers, including you."

_I want to live in this moment forever  
Is your light fading  
Are you weary  
I'm running toward the oasis of your name  
Hold me_

"I already know that before I came here," Tyki explained, suddenly hating this room and the distance between them. "But it doesn't matter, just leave the Innocence. And I will silence anyone that knows of this."

"You still don't understand, do you?" Guren said, putting on a façade as her voice was cold. "I've never loved you. I'm the daughter of a General, and I was one even before I met you. Why would God's soldier ever be in love with the devil?"

"You are lying."

"I'm not." Guren reaffirmed her stand as she closed her eyes, not wanting them to betray her voice. "The person you knew, she's history. I am Guren Kreszenz Marian, your enemy, and all I did was to make a fool out of a Noah."

_Minutes turn to hours  
Hours turn to days  
Knew what I had to do  
Couldn't find the words to say  
Had the perfect story  
Stories have an end  
Had to turn the page cause  
To keep you was a sin_

As though on cue, in reply to her words, Tyki held Guren by her neck and forced her onto the wall, smashing her body in without regard to her frail health. He was so mad that all he saw was the devil. She didn't show any signs of struggling as she opened her eyes to look at him, at his pathetic tearing face. "Ah, checkmating a Noah is really enjoyable." Her smirk, and her words were like knives, cutting into his heart so deeply. He loved her so much. So much he could give up everything for her.

Tyki tightened his hold on her neck, just enough to make breathing hard for her. "Release me, Mikk." Her voice was barely a whisper from the difficulty of breathing as he had a smirk on his face that mirrored hers displayed just seconds before.

"Make me." He whispered into her ear, allowing his dark self to takeover for that moment. He knew he was losing control. He bit her shoulders, over the scar that was left centuries ago, as Guren screamed from the pain and the blood that was seeping out. "I am a selfish man, Guren. What I can't have, I'd rather destroy it."

_Your icy cold laugh  
Your burning tears  
It was our last farewell  
Wasn't it?_

Guren felt his fingers closing on her neck tightly as she was beginning to feel lightheaded, she tried to hit him, but she just couldn't make any contact because of Tyki's unique ability. It didn't seem that bad to be able die in his hands, she foolishly thought about it for a moment. His eyes, they were no longer the pair that loved her, but was one of the devil, one of the murderous Noah she knew. She laughed weakly as confusion flashed in his eyes for a split second.

"Tyki Mikk, release me now." Guren felt her feet returning to the ground as his hands were removed from her body while the man walked a few steps backwards. He glowered at her as she patted her neck, acting as though she was sweeping the dirt away from her skin. "Remember when I promised not to use _Gospel_ on you, you should know that, if I were to use it, then it's really over for us."

_Go ahead and believe me  
Curse me  
We're both going to through the same pain  
So as the heart hurts  
I'll numb it with my blood_

"I said before, and I'm going to repeat it," Guren looked into Tyki's eyes firmly, among the anger, she saw the sorrow in those brilliant golden orbs, "I don't love you anymore. I am a soldier of God, a tool created to fight AKUMAs and the Millennium Earl, including the Noah clan."

He smirked as his arms dropped to his side, "I always thought you were different from the others. That you'll never lie to me." Every word he said, hurts like it was being carved into her as she looked away from him, not wanting the man to see her pained expression. "But you are the same as them, a traitor and a liar."

"There's no way I can be in love with a murderer." She stated simply, with her eyes close. She had done it. Tyki was always sensitive about this part of his life. He'd never ever forgive her. "And this," she took out the pendant from her pocket, "I have no need for it anymore," as she threw it towards him harshly.

The man allowed the pendant to hit him in the face as he caught it with his open palm. He started laughing to himself as she watched on, afraid of what Tyki might do. If he were to decide on killing her on the spot, she would have no chance in winning without her Innocence. Maybe she couldn't even fight him... But Tyki just pocketed the pendant as he walked towards the window, palms resting on the window ledge. She couldn't see what his expression was like, but she had a sinking feeling in her stomach, knowing full well that it wouldn't be what she wanted to see.

_They say the ones that you love  
Are the ones you hurt the most  
For all the pain that I've caused you  
I'm sorry_

Guren stood rooted to the ground, not wanting to look into his direction, for fear that she might want to stop him from leaving. Tyki stood near the window as he said his last words to her, "I will start killing them one by one, those comrades of yours. And I'll leave you for the last, Guren Kreszenz Marian." She looked into his eyes finally, as they were exactly the same as she had dreamt, so filled with hatred, and it was all directed towards her.

She inhaled deeply, forcing her tears back down. "I'll stop the killings and the Duke," her voice trembling slightly as she exhaled shakily. "I am an Exorcist of the Dark Order, and I will defeat you."

"Good," Tyki said as he jumped out of the window, disappearing into the dark night. Guren finally allowed her knees to give way as she fell to the ground. Her hands flew to her face as she sobbed. It's really the end. She had lost him completely. They were enemies from now on. Her nightmare had started all over again.

* * *

_Guren,_

_I am disappointed that you had defied my instructions. Punishment will be given the next time I see you, be prepared for it. But you did well, by choosing the right path. Don't ever stray from it again. _

_Cross._

* * *

_I don't want to close my eyes  
I don't want to fall asleep  
Because I'd miss you_

Her eyes were so tired, but she didn't want to fall asleep. She was afraid of dreaming, of remembering the past. All she wanted now was to look towards the future. Her eyes were puffy from crying the entire night and she didn't want anyone to see her like this. Guren swanned along the corridors, not knowing where to go, as she dragged her tired feet forward, her long babydoll nightgown covering her injured skin from the cold dawn wind.

Even though she tried, but her mind kept on wandering back to the night's event, causing her tears to fall again. She always hated being lonely, and despite the fact that she had her family here in the Dark Order already, she still felt as though she had truly lost her family. She had Cross, Allen, Timcampy and the members here. She wasn't alone. She told herself so many times. But her heart just felt as empty as it could possibly be, devoid of any love, both in giving or receiving. She felt like she didn't have the confidence to love anymore.

_In my dreams  
The tears dance  
When I open my eyes in the morning  
I wash your scent away  
I prepare while wearing new clothes  
As if I'm congratulating the first day of being alone_

One of the rooms was in use as she opened the door gently, taking a peek into the contents. Kanda was seated there meditating in the dojo as she was deciding upon whether to enter or not. Just when she settled for shutting the door and leaving, she heard his low grumbling voice, "Come in and shut the door behind you, I don't want that _Usagi_ to find a chance to annoy me."

Guren stepped in as she walked cautiously and took a seat beside Kanda, trying to make as little sound as possible as she wiped away her tears. She looked down at her lap, not knowing what to do, or what she was even doing here. Her crimson eyes slanted to the side to see what the other Exorcist was doing, as he was deep in meditation, with his eyes closed and Mugen laid on the ground next to him. She had never done this before and was feeling a little lost at what she had to do at the moment. Was it closing her eyes first and next, stoning?

"Clear your mind and breathe naturally."

She was startled by his words in the silent room as she followed his instruction, breathing air into her lungs steadily as she tried to clear her thoughts. Her thoughts were hectic, of all near-suicidal and harming thoughts that she was thinking of the entire night. But she felt a lot calmer now, was it the ambience? Or was it because someone was with her? It's actually left kind of comforting to just have someone sitting next to her like this.

"Thank you, Mister Kanda."

_Even if I emptied my heart  
Our memories will still hold its place  
Even if my mind was erased  
I wouldn't forget your face_

"Tch," she heard his usual _'opening theme'_ as Kanda continued talking, with his eyes still closed. "You cried again."

"Eh?" His words caught her by surprise as she opened her eyes to look at him. Her hands quickly went to her face to wipe away any remaining tears that could have given her away. She never wanted him to find out that she was crying, because Kanda had always deemed her as being a weakling, and her tears were his supporting evidence. Now that she thought about it, how did he know it was her?

"Forget it. I saw earlier on, when you were entering."

"Mister Kanda, you're always so observant."

"Hn." There was a pause before he continued, it was something he was dying to, maybe not that much, probably just _interested_ in knowing. "You have new injuries," Kanda said simply, not wanting to reveal that he actually knew more than he let on. His private quarter was located just next to that _Momonga_, and he heard some… Weird conservations and _disturbing_ noises. He noticed how she quickly moved her hand up to her shoulder, where he could see a new injury on top of the old scar he saw a few times. The new one was shaped exactly like the old one. He first thought it was probably a burn mark, but upon seeing the fresh version, it looked a little like a bite mark. Who the hell bites people during a fight?

"It's nothing to be worried about."

"This is about the person that you can never forget, am I right?" Her eyes widened at Kanda's words as Guren bit her lower lip, trying to stop the tears from falling. Kanda shut his eyes again, just listening to their breathing, he hated the sight of her crying. But he couldn't bear to snap at her, it was mainly his fault as he was the one who brought it up, and doing it now would probably be like animal abuse. But it did worried him when the night ended with her crying, and that he saw her now with her fresh injuries, tired expression and the lack of her precious pendant.

_Even when I closed my eyes  
I can only see your face  
Even when I'm breathing  
I'm suffocating_

"We're always force to do things we dislike, and that's just life, get over with it." Guren heard his advice as she lowered her head with a mild smile. Acceptance. That's what she had been doing all along, forced to be in the war, on either side, for so many lifetimes that it was taking its toll on her mind, and now she was only at the stage of _Sufferings_. She was actually so fearful of her awakening, with the memories that would follow…

Maybe she was just waiting for someone to tell her in the face that it's time she started being optimistic, like Allen. No matter how harsh Cross treated him, he'd always be the one smiling and comforting her at the end of the day. She was always told that she had a beautiful smile that never faded. But no smile could stay forever. She worked hard to bring up her feelings of happiness, because that was the only thing she could do because she was so powerless, at least she could make other feel happier… '_I wonder what would Cross said if he knew I cried so much.'_ She chuckled at her thought of Cross preparing for his throwing stance as Kanda raised an eyebrow at Guren's sudden change in mood. The past had already gone by, and like what they always said, the future is always changing. Who knows what's going to happen tomorrow? Maybe _Adam_ would just suddenly become a saint and decide not to fight, or become the twins' version of the funny Millennium Earl? She chuckled again at the joke she made and breathed in deeply, filling herself with the scent of incense and the morning air.

_And if when I see you again  
It will be just the same as it was  
And if we're together again  
Our souls reunited as one_

Guren wiped her tears as she flashed a big smile at Kanda and suddenly hugged him from the side. The older Exorcist flinched and quickly pulled her off and stared at her disbelievingly, "What the fuck was that for?" He seemed really annoyed at the sudden act of affection and the fact that he was caught off-guard.

"Thank you, I'm feeling much better. I feel like I can finally step out of my cage now." Guren used to be the Mockingbird, the Millennium Earl's little pet that was locked away for protection. But now, she was an Exorcist, and she was given a pair of wings, for her to grab hold of her own life and take flight.

"Tch." She chuckled at his reply, yes, that was really Kanda's trademark reply. He wasn't such a mean person after all. She sat back down next to him, hugging her knees close to her chest, her heart had finally decided on an answer. _'I know I'll love him through all eternity, but just this time, I'll be our guardian instead. I will create a better future for us.' _Guren smiled at her resolution, as Kanda finally looked away from her.

'_She was finally smiling.' _

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_Please review so I can know where to improve on. Constructive criticism will be great (: A clean breakup with Tyki! Then her relationship with Kanda can finally start progressing. I actually wrote the last part because I didn't want Guren to stay sad forever, it'd be annoying. Then I think we're reaching the cannon plot soon too! Maybe in three chapters?_


	12. I'm Alright

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: Continuation from the previous chapter of the meditation scene :DD Just a small note, changes have been made to the previous chapters, do take a look, you can also use it as a recap after my hiatus!_

Recap:

_" 'I know I'll love him through all eternity, but just this time, I'll be our guardian instead. I will create a better future for us.' _Guren smiled at her resolution, as Kanda finally looked away from her. _'She was finally smiling.' "_

_Edited 10 June, 2012._

* * *

As Your Lover – I'm Alright

Kanda flinched when Guren caught him off-guard, with an embrace from his side. That was something he never expected at all as he snapped at her for her candidness with her gratitude. A simple word of _'Thanks'_ would be sufficient, there was absolutely no need for such skinship. He didn't like being touched by other people, in other words, he enjoyed his personal space. Kanda shuddered, having remembered something similar suddenly, along the lines of _Lavi_ and _hugging_.

"I don't know what you are thanking me for."

"I'm not sure too. Maybe just for the fact that you're here with me." Guren said with a smile directed at him as he replied with a typical _'Tch'_. He wasn't actually trying to comfort her. It was just… Just what? Ah, he didn't want her to keep feeling down, if not she might lose her life on the battlefield and all sorts of crap would follow. Right, that was the reason why he wanted to ease her tension.

He closed his eyes again, wanting to find back the peace he had before Guren entered the room. Yes, clearing out his mind. Then something landed on his lap. He snapped opened his eyes, readied to lash out his annoyance, who the hell dared to dump something on him? But something made him closed his mouth for that second. The whitehead had fallen asleep while supposing meditating and she had fallen sideways onto his lap. Kanda pondered over what action to take regarding her sleeping stance, whether to wake up her or just throw her off his lap. He was deciding for the latter when a memory of his brief personal conversation with Guren flashed in his mind.

_He was resting in the hospital bed next the Guren when the girl regained conscious. She shot up from her sleeping position and looked around frantically, until she saw Kanda in the next bed, her tensed body then relaxed a little. Kanda couldn't help but noticed how she'd always awaken from her sleep, afraid of something he doesn't know about. Being her partner for the past few months, Kanda could easily categorize her under the 'Definition of Indolence' that she never seemed to be energized and the whitehead would just fall asleep at any possible chance. But sometimes he wondered, whether it was truly laziness that made her this way. _

_The first time he witnessed her Innocence, it was simply something that was pure and cleansing. Then when she first used Love Song, to heal the wounds and reverse the AKUMA poisoning of the Finder, his perception of her abilities change. Whenever she sang that song, her Innocence seemed to be in pain, with her feathers falling out one by one, and that Guren would end up unconscious every single time. It was like her Innocence was draining her life-force, which shouldn't be happening unless it was a parasite Innocence. And after her Innocence took on a new form, her languor only increased, that she appeared really jaded after every invocation. He never experienced any of such weariness while using Mugen._

_"What are you afraid of?" He finally gave in to his curiosity as the whitehead parted her lips, wanting to say something but she closed them again and looked down. It was only moments after that she finally spoke._

_"I'm scared of being alone." Her voice was soft, but Kanda could hear her words clearly, the fear and anxiety she carried in them. "Whenever I closed my eyes, I see things that I don't want to remember."_

_"What? You're scared of sleeping alone?" _

_Kanda meant it fully as sarcasm but he received a nod in reply from the girl as she continued, "I can't seem to fall asleep whenever my bed is cold." Guren mumbled as she smiled to herself, as though remembering something happy. _

He looked down at her sleeping face, comfortably asleep on his lap as Kanda just returned to his meditating position, for whatever happened the previous night, at the very least, Kanda felt that he had to let Guren rest for a while just before their morning starts. She's really strange. It felt like she was shouldering the world on her delicate shoulders, with her constant worries and pain, what had she been through exactly?

* * *

_A very young Guren was sitting alone in the hotel room as her precious black toy cat, Pierre, was in her arms while she stared at the door, waiting for it to be opened. She was dressed in her pajamas, ready to go to bed in this dark night, but she just couldn't fall asleep even in this late hour for a child of five years. Cross said that he'd be back before two in the morning, but it was already way past it. She leaned back against the Grave of Maria, her lips pursed together, "Maria, where is Cross?" She continued staring at the door and her eyelids eventually closed together as she drifted into slumber._

_She was awoken by the noise of the door shutting as Guren rubbed her eyes, trying to focus on the figure of the General. He was holding a stack of papers in one arm while a cigarette was in his other hand, as he asked nonchalantly, "Why are you sleeping on the floor?"_

_"Humm…" She climbed onto the couch to sit beside Cross who was beginning to read the stack of documents, "Guren was waiting for Cross to come back."_

_He scoffed lightly and placed his palm of the side of her face to push her aside, "Go to bed already." Guren shook her head a couple times rapidly as she attached herself around his arm tightly, with a stubborn pout on her face. "Before I get angry, Guren." _

_She shook her head again, "If Guren is asleep, then Guren wouldn't know if Cross left her alone." He scoffed again and muttered something incoherent under his breath, something about women. He allowed the young child to remain fixated onto his arm as he used his other hand to flip through the papers, reports about missing people, AKUMA sightings, Innocence and the list goes on and on. Even though he seemed really irresponsible, but he still does his work alright, he was a General. _

_After smoking through the pack of his cigarettes, Cross noticed that his adopted child was already well into her dreams and her hold on his arm was loosening. He initially wanted to move Guren to the bed but the thought of her waking up made him reconsider it. Then her little body fell onto his lap as Guren was deep in dreamland with a smile on her face. Cross tensed, unsure of what to do. If she was a woman, things would have been way easier, but she's a child, his child, how was he to know how to handle one?_

_Hesitantly, he placed his hand on the side of her face as Guren leaned into his palm like a little kitten looking for warmth. Nah, it wasn't hard, Cross thought as he patted her head every now and then, while he continued working through his pile of work. At least his daughter wasn't like those uncouth boys from the streets, admittedly, his newly adopted daughter was endearing._

* * *

Two hours had passed as Kanda was beginning to feel the strain on his thigh where Guren was sleeping on. She was light and all, but things would gradually feel heavier after holding them for a long time. Maybe he should be waking her up now? It's almost time for breakfast… But how was he going to wake her up without letting her catch on that he allowed her to sleep on his lap?

"Cross…" Kanda heard her murmur as his eyebrow twitched. There he was, being charitable for once, allowing her to use him as a human cushion, and all she dreamt of was the concupiscent General? Kanda stood up promptly, causing Guren to roll off and knocking her forehead onto the floor loudly.

"Ahh-" She held her forehead with both hands, pressing hard on the dulling pain, as she looked around the room, still half-asleep. Her eyes finally focused on Kanda as she stilled for a few moments, as though trying to remember what happened. The older Exorcist stared down at her, as she seemed really uncomfortable under his glare. "Oh, meditating!"

"While sleeping." Kanda completed Guren's sentence curtly as he took his leave from the room, slamming the door loudly. Guren stared stunned, unsure of what was bothering _Mister Constantly-Annoyed_ as she massaged her aching forehead. Was it because she fell asleep while meditating? She huffed out air onto her messy fringe, staring at the clock with a tilted head and confused look.

_'Meditating cures insomnia?'_

* * *

"_Chibisuke_, Yuu!" Lavi shouted her nickname and the dark haired Exorcist's first name as he slung his arm around Kanda, in which the arm was shoved off by the shorter male rather rudely, accompanied with an offensive remark. It was her first proper mission in weeks that didn't include the terms, _'healing'_ and _'rescue'_, as it was an Innocence retrieval mission. The mission's unit was initially just Kanda and Guren, but Lavi somehow _happened_ to be at the area and decided to join them.

"Let's enjoy the festival since we're here." The redhead announced proudly as he grabbed hold of the girl, one year his junior, and steered her towards the game booths. Guren really wanted to have a look at the festival as she had never really enjoyed these during her stay with Cross. He was always missing and putting both Allen and her in debt. She didn't have time to even browse in a shop back then, without worrying about Cross' creditors and obsessive women. But seeing the annoyed look on Kanda's face, Guren knew her hopes were dashed, as she waited for him to voice his disapproval at their change of course.

"We don't have time for this."

Indeed. She was starting to get how his mind-set worked. Kanda was the kind of person that wanted no nonsense and everything to be completed as soon as possible, and most importantly, things must go his way. Lavi leaned down over Guren's head and saw the wistful expression she had on, instead of her usual smiling one. He might be the Bookman successor, which these people he knew were supposed to be just ink on paper, but at least for now, Lavi wanted to be connected with them, to feel the warmth of people.

"Yuu, let's just walk awhile. Chibisuke haven't been allowed outside much since her arrival to Black Order." Kanda finally looked at the said girl's expression, and saw the pleading look in her eyes. He sighed silently. She's going to be annoying if she kept that look on her face for the remaining trip. He supposed that they could spare a good hour just to fill up their stomachs, and some minor side-tracking. Kanda walked towards the bustling fair, a signal for the two that they could have a walk.

Guren's face immediately lit up as she grabbed Lavi's arm and ran for the nearest store that sold candies, something she really enjoyed, and reminded her of Cross. She had always pestered the General to buy candies and chocolates for her whenever they were outside, and then she would share them with the ever-hungry Allen.

Kanda noticed how her lips seemed to be fixed into a semi-permanent smile as she bit onto the candy apple in her hand contently, while her other arm was stubbornly linked with Lavi. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of how Lavi was also enjoying himself, and he knew it couldn't be for the innocent reason like Guren. Of all people, even though there was only a choice of Lavi or him, why did she choose to grab Lavi? That redhead's a skirt chaser, just like the other he knew. He was probably much more decent than Lavi, and he was always there to save her. Great. Why was he even comparing himself with Lavi? It must be because he's wasting time, that he's even killing his brain cells thinking about rubbish. He needed to be away from this two animals and get his sanity back quickly.

They went by store to store together as a group at first, but Lavi had suddenly disappeared, leaving him alone with the whitehead. Kanda's eyes never left her the entire time. To him, she was but an innocent child, wanting to experience the world outside. He used to be the same too. But look at what he became, Dark Order's very own killing machine. Her pale finger was poised on her lip as her eyebrows were stitched together, Kanda recognized that as her deep-in-thought expression. He followed her line of vision, and raised a fine brow at the subject. Guren was staring at cotton candies on display, she was probably just thinking about which colour to get. Such a simpleton.

"The white one." Kanda muttered, she did seem to like white a lot. Guren's red orbs turned to look at him for a few seconds, before choosing the white coloured cotton candy as she returned her attention back to the older Exorcist with excited grin.

"How did you know what I was thinking about?"

"Because you're dumb." He replied curtly. That was how he had always acted. He didn't have to feel guilty at the girl's doused mood. Right? Guren walked on with her eyes glued to the ground, biting on her snack every now and then. Kanda rolled his eyes at her reaction. She wasn't obliged to care about what he says anyway, but she was always so hung up about his words. He couldn't understand that part of her. If he disliked what people said about him, he could either ignore or chew the hell out of them. Sometimes, he wondered why he even cared. "You are like a book."

"What are you talking about?" Guren asked, curious at Kanda's choice of words. She was called the _Blank Page _occasionally due to her ability of Gospel, and it was too much a coincidence for him to just compare her with a book. He wouldn't have found out. Right?

"You are easy to read," Kanda explained, rolling his eyes at her idiocy, "You show everything in that childish face of yours."

"Oh." They continued walking in silence, as Kanda watched the thoughtful look returned to her face again. What was she thinking about this time? She's just so…weird. Was that the word he was searching for? Reacting like a child after finding out the answer to the puzzle, Guren turned to him with a grin, dimples sunken in cutely, "So we are like friends now?"

"What the?"

"Because Mister Kanda understands me really well!"

Kanda felt his eyebrow twitched at her comment. He's on the same wavelength with that _Momonga_? Damn, how could he have fallen to that _Usagi_ and _Momonga_'s level of maturity? He has to really get his act back together. He was Kanda Yuu. Not some babysitter. Fear and no nonsense, that's how he ruled.

"Shut up."

* * *

_Dear Allen,_

_Are you doing fine alone? Cross might be a little harsh, but please still take care of his messy lifestyle. I can't wait for Cross and Allen to come to the Headquarters too, it's really fun here, nothing like what Cross said. There are nice people everywhere, except for one person, but I'm trying hard to become better friends with him._

_When Allen comes to the Headquarter, I will definitely be there to welcome you, and then we'll be able to play together like before. I missed Allen, Timcampy and Cross a lot. Even though it is fun here, but I feel lonely without my family. I missed listening to Allen grumble about Cross and his debts, and also to scold me whenever I did something silly. I want to see you soon! _

_P.S. Can you tell Cross to forgive me? I'm very sorry about what I did already…_

_XOXO,  
Guren._

* * *

Guren held her bleeding shoulder tightly, biting down on her lips. She was covered with injuries, soaking her Exorcist uniform crimson as she limped in her steps. It was a sudden attack by the AKUMAs. They were travelling late at night on the train, where they were ambushed. Kanda, being the capable warrior he was, easily took down the AKUMAs and brought them away from the unknowing passengers. But Guren had to suffer the hits in place for the screaming humans while trying to evacuate them. Her feathered wings were tattered, with holes burned into them, rendering her unable to take flight.

Her ears were buzzing, and her skin was becoming numb from the blood loss. After gaining some distance away from the train, she collapsed on her knees, her palms holding her body up. She could feel it, they were coming, all the AKUMAs. She was an easy target, wounded and worn, easily obtained like a sacrificial lamb. Guren closed her eyes as she hummed the tune of _Seraphic Lullaby_, no longer able to vocalize her song completely, trying to keep them away. Just a while more… She would hear Kanda calling for her from afar, as she tried her hardest to hold up her tune, pushing down the nausea feeling in her chest.

_"But you are the same as them, a traitor and a liar."_

This was punishment. But isn't it too soon? She hasn't even accomplished much since that day. She had to protect the Fourteenth's legacy, to defeat the Millennium Earl, to prove her worth to Tyki Mikk. So many things… She can't die yet. Guren bit on her lower lip tightly, drawing blood, while her fists closed tightly.

_'Just one more attack...'_

_'Innocence, please love this sinful child of yours more…'_

Guren felt an immerse pain building up on her back, as she screamed and trashed on the ground, writhing in pain. Her Innocence wings were reforming, but unlike how they were originally attached onto her back, she felt her wings sprouting from beneath her skin. With perspiration and blood dripping from her chin, she stood up shakily, her wings were soiled with her own blood, stained in red, as she took flight into the air once again. Each time her wings flapped, she felt like she was being torn apart, over and again over, excruciating.

"Heavenly Maiden!" She plunged down towards the AKUMAs, in a rotating motion, as her feathers littered the air like a storm, cutting up the living machines with the sharpness of blades. Her wings dissolved along with the feathers as Guren fell through the air, her fingers reaching to grasp something only she could see.

"I will fight on, Tyki, to become someone worthy for you to end…"

* * *

Bookman stood silently by the medical ward for the ladies, as his trained eyes watched the entire process before him. It was a strange thing. That child, an apprentice of the infamous General Marian Cross, had powers that even the Bookman's memories of history cannot comprehend. Although he was sure of one fact, Marian always had a good eye for things.

The newest Exorcist addition was settled by Lenalee, whom was lying in bed, her entire body aching in pain. The latter had returned from a mission, covered with burns from the explosion. Guren may have the ability to seemingly heal anything, although the Bookman had categorized the process as countering, and not healing, as Guren was able to reverse the AKUMA poisoning, but Bookman had never really understood the extent of her peculiar ability. Many doubts surrounded the fact that she possessed a healing ability, such as the White Angel being an offensive weapon, the strain caused to her physical self after invoking the Innocence and her blank past. He had tried to find information regarding Guren, but he could not find anything, not even the mentioning of just her name in any records, it was all too clean, like someone had erase her existence.

Guren began the invocation of her Innocence, singing _Love Song_, gently and sweetly, alluring all the patients into a deep sleep, free from pain and suffering as Lenalee's burns began fading away, covered by a new layer of skin. Warmth filled his body as Bookman listened on, it was indeed an impressive quality, to be able to go against the will of God, to return the harmed bodies back to health against the way of Nature.

But that incident had never left his mind even once, his suspicion of this child had never faded. His apprentice had clarified that Guren was able to heal every being except herself and the dead, and yet during the operation, she was saved by an aura that seemingly resemblance the Dark Matter. He could never forget the evil in her eyes either, full of killing intent and vehemence, unlike that of the Exorcist Guren Kreszenz. Could she be an undercover agent of the Millennium Earl? Was it possible that they had gained further strength during his switch in observation to the Dark Order's side?

If Guren's ability belonged to the Millennium Earl, the chances of winning the war would surely be decimated.

* * *

"Why are you risking your life for these trashes?" Kanda snapped at the girl that was covered with scrapes and bruises. She had ignored his orders countless time, wanting to go and evacuate those good for nothing Finders, and then getting injured for their sake. What was she, some saint?

"They are not trash." Guren mumbled as she followed behind the much taller man. This caught his attention as Kanda wheeled around, staring down to her height. Her eyes refused to meet his, as he forced Guren to look into his own blue eyes, demanding her to repeat what she said. Guren bit on her cut lip as she repeated her stand again, "The Finders are like our limbs, without them, we can't locate the Innocence."

"But without Exorcists," Kanda gritted through his teeth, anger lining his words, "Dark Order is worthless."

"Why are you constantly so angry?" Guren finally said as she stared into his eyes, unable to comprehend why the older Exorcist was always feeling so negatively with everything. She had always thought that forgiveness was something that would come with time, for it wasn't the case with Kanda. He was just downright stubborn. And arrogant. She wanted to pull at her hair in frustration. She had never felt like this before. Kanda was just getting on her nerves completely. An insensitive jerk. Guren wasn't one that would label others, but Kanda just made the term fitted for him like a glove. He just goes around, calling people names, making people feel worthless, making her feel like crap, and then gloat at how good he was. He isn't some saint, he's just _plain_ Kanda, the Exorcist that wield a kitchen knife. What right does he have to judge other people?

"Why are you so naïve?" Kanda spat out his words as he grabbed her face roughly. He had thought that she was merely being nice, but he was just so sick of seeing her taking those unneeded injuries. Being helpful and stupid was two entirely different matters. And she was really, really foolish. He could not fathom why the girl had to give so much for people unrelated to her. Hell, even if they were related, Kanda wouldn't give a damn. He was patient with her, time and time again, allowing her to do as she pleased. But it was just too much. She would kill herself one day, just to help those weaklings. And her bloody Innocence, why would she insist on doing those healing shit when she was obviously being hurt by it?

"Stop being rhetorical!"

"Then you have to stop being such a child!" Kanda was not the kind to lose his cool easily, but he had to voice his opinion somehow. He had been too nice to the girl, and she was beginning to climb all over him. He watched as Guren slapped his wrist away, his fingers sliding from her chin as she turned around. Kanda smirked, knowing that the case was closed with his pride intact. But what he hadn't exactly expected happened. With one swift motion, the petite girl grabbed his arm, and lifted his body over her shoulder, and slammed him onto the concrete ground, her crimson eyes burning like fire.

"Just to remind you, Mister Kanda, I am no pushover. I just dislike fighting. It doesn't mean that I can't fight," she hissed, trying to sound threatening, but angry tears escaped from her eyes as she wiped them away using the bottom of her palm. Kanda just stared at the girl, lips agape with stupefaction. He had never expected the cry baby to have this much fight in her, she always seemed so meek and gentle. If he wasn't in such a compromising position, he would have smirked at her courage for defying him. She left him with a bitter phrase, tugging at his long-lost feelings of guilt and whatever possible emotion he was supposed to feel, "I thought we were becoming friends," leaving him to ponder over her words.

And his pride wasn't as intact as he thought it would be.

* * *

Guren was in the quiet library, a book opened on the table, but her mind was obviously elsewhere. She was just staring at the scenery outside, thinking about a thousand other things not related to the book she was reading, _Anger Management_. It had been a week since that big fight in the canteen with Kanda, and they had not talked to each other at all, preferring to ignore their existence all together. She wasn't even sure what she was being angry about, for the Finder that worked so hard, or just for her damn pride. And she's beginning to talk like Kanda too. God, she had been spending too much time with him. And why does her daydreaming always leads to him? It's so maddening.

_"All truths are not to be told." – George Herbert_

She laid the side of her face onto the opened page that she had been reading for the last hour, as she met with a lone green eye, staring at her with interest. Bookman Junior. Although she hadn't regain all her memories, but she did know about the Bookman, about how they inked the history, and found it slightly intriguing that they were on the Dark Order's side this time round.

"Anger management's not doing so well for you huh?"

"It doesn't help when someone like him is your partner."

Lavi laughed, as he sat up and leaned back on the chair, Guren's eyes trailing after him, "But I have never seen Yuu so angry before. You must have strike a nerve."

"More than one, I supposed, Junior."

"Must you call me Junior? It makes me feel like a stranger," he whined as Guren copied his previous action, leaning on the backrest and begun flipping through the pages of her book, completely ignoring the Bookman apprentice. She grew up in a life of secrecy and deception, keeping everything about herself unfounded. Aliases, accents and even common lying, she had mastered them altogether. It was certain that this young man was trying to get answers from her. There wouldn't be any reason for a Bookman to seek someone else during their own private time. It was slightly unusual, and suspicious to her. "_Chibisuke_, stop ignoring me," as Guren raised a fine brow at the demeaning yet cutesy nickname Lavi made for her.

"What can I do for you, Junior?"

"Just want to know more about you," Lavi said with a wink as she chuckled at his flirting gesture. "You are smiling more now, compared to when you just arrived. You were kind of gloomy, like you were forced to be here in the Dark Order."

"I was. I didn't want to leave General Cross."

"Is that so…" Lavi trailed off, not liking the answer he heard. He was expecting something else, and Guren wasn't going to give him the information he wanted. He knew that she wasn't the simple girl she looked to be.

"You smile a lot too." Guren smiled sweetly at him, making eye contact with him lightly, "You would be charming if those smiles were true."

Her comment caught Lavi off-guard as the redhead chuckled at her words. He expected at first glance for Guren to be the innocent and gullible kind of girl, like how she portrayed herself. But he had never thought her to be this sharp and direct, indeed, she was the apprentice of a General, seasoned and ready for any battles, including verbal ones. His lone emerald eye roamed her side profile, as the younger Exorcist had resumed her reading. Lavi's keen sight noticed the lack of bandages on her wrist, a small detail he noticed about her, even though she always wore long sleeves. It was like she was hiding something.

As Guren flipped the page of her book, her long sleeve slid down modestly, as Lavi caught on the strange scar she had on her wrist, much like a stigma. Contemplating whether to ask her about the strange marks, distressed that he might be overstepping boundaries, Lavi found his eyes lingering on the scar. Was she in an occult previously? But it was shaped like a cross, which could perhaps be stigmata mimicking the wounds of Christ. His mind started generating all sorts of possible relations with the cross-shaped scar, not noticing that Guren had already caught-on on his staring. Guren followed Lavi's line of vision as she quickly pulled down her sleeve, snapping Lavi out of his thoughts.

They stared at each other in silence, as Guren was the one to break the suspense. "It's crucifixion."

"Pardon?"

"I was crucified." Lavi stared wide-eyed at the girl, whose face suddenly became stoic as Lavi recognized it as an act to not give out her emotions. Why would they crucify a girl like her? It was true she looked strange; strange enough to make stupid humans fear her, but crucifixion was no longer a valid punishment in this era. Everything about her just seemed to become more complex as he and Bookman dug deeper into her veiled past.

"You got the information you wanted, Junior."

* * *

_Sleep was threatening to take her as Guren felt the soft drumming of her lover's fingers across her stomach, while she leaned her head back on his shoulders. Tyki cradled her petite frame closer to his chest, his arms slung around her waist. Slightly amused at how his breathe caused her hair to be ruffled, Tyki laced his fingers through hers from the back of her hand, as he brought her open palm to his lips, leaving kisses on her fingertips. _

_His eyes trailed to the stigma on her pale wrist, standing out in deep red as his thumb caressed the bulging mark. Tyki felt pained every single time he saw these scars of her. Why did she have to suffer? If it was possible, he would rather be the one bleeding than to let his beloved feel even a pierce. "Does it still hurt?" His voice was soft, as he pecked her scar gently, as though it would start to bleed again should he had applied more force._

_Guren chuckled at the tingly feeling at the brush of his lips against her wrist, as she shook her head lightly. "I don't hate this process," she explained, like she had read his thoughts. "These scars… They are like remainders for me."_

_"What kind of remainders?"_

_"That I have a reason to be alive." _

_"Nhm-" Tyki mumbled against her wrist while his other arm tightened around her waist, "That's a conversation that is too serious for bed." Guren chuckled at his words as she turned to kiss her lover gently on his lips, just admiring his looks and the warmth in his eyes. Remembering how much she loved this man, and how he had become her reason to live. _

_Being part of the repeating cycle of life and death, she would at times, be lost from reality. But her pain, memories and scars, forced her to keep on grip on reality that she was borne for a reason. Not just to harm or kill, but to protect and defend as well, her loved ones, and possibly, against herself._

* * *

Kanda was sitting alone in the coach with Guren, their first mission together after three whole months of avoiding one another. He still didn't accept the fact that he was in the wrong, but Lenalee and that stupid _Usagi_ both said that he should be more gentlemanly and apologize to the young lady. Pft. She was no young lady. Just a little _Momonga_ in the body of a short girl. He glanced up to look at the young woman through his navy bangs, as she was just staring nonchalantly at the passing scenery. Right. Be a man.

"_Mo-_ Guren." She turned to look at him with a tilt of her head. Kanda immediately felt his throat constricting. Why was it so hard for him to just say it? After moments of intense staring between the two, he cleared his throat softly, words already made up in his mind. "I still think you are naïve. But I believe that is your strength. To care for others, is something I cannot do."

It took a few seconds for the words to sink into her brain, as Guren's lips quirked up into a gentle smile. The almighty Kanda Yuu was compromising. But he was a living example of a paradox. It was because he cared, that he lowered his pride for her. She nodded her head at his words, the smile reaching her eyes, as Kanda seemed to relax upon seeing her gesture. "Thank you, again."

"It's nothing." Kanda suddenly felt himself being embarrassed when the girl smiled on him. Why would she even thank him? She's just so strange. Such a frail body, and yet, she carried herself with pride and dignity, and fought more fiercely than any other women. Where did she get her strength from? Was it that person, the owner of the forgotten pendant? How was he able to entice that naïve girl, so much that she looked like she was on the verge of breaking that night after their separation? "What kind of person is he," he found himself voicing his thoughts out loud, catching Guren by surprise. The girl blinked a few times at his question, as Kanda rephrased his question, "I know that there's someone. I just wanted to know what sort of a person was he."

_Are you afraid of remembering someone  
Struggling to swallow the words bubbling up to your lips_

Guren watched his slightly flustered look after voicing out the question that was probably not meant to be said. She felt her guard dropped around this taller man, with no acts of suspicion to get information from her, but instead, genuine interest in her. Memories of Tyki filled her mind as she thought of some possible adjectives to describe the said man. "He reflected me. My insecurities, hurt, distrust and passion," she chuckled at her own words. He was indeed that, they were the same, halves of each another. "I really missed him," her true feelings flew out of her lips, as tears fell at her confession, "He meant so much to me, so much that I felt like dying without him."

His fingers twitched lightly, suddenly experiencing the want to hold and comfort her, but Kanda fought back the desire. It was plain stupid. She was crying, something that he hated. But at this moment, her tears brought about a strange feeling in his chest instead of dislike. He frowned at the tears trickling from her downcast eyes. Her forlorn feelings of love reminded him sorely of what he swore to do. To find her again, that woman _he_ loved, and to apologize to her for him leaving.

"There's a woman that I could never forget. I fight so that I can meet her. What is your reason then?"

"I want to protect him."

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_Reviews will be appreciated and constructive criticism will be great (:I am really sorry for the extremely long hiatus. It's just that the chapter had been laying half complete for a while. And I finally have the motivation to finish it, which was to procrastinate doing my projects… Hoped you liked this chapter!_


	13. Blunder

Summary: She once stood with the Noah clan, but the Innocence had intervened during her reincarnation, making her the host and locking up her other self. With this, she forgotten the person she loved most, but as an exorcist, she fell in love. KandaXOCXTyki.

**Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-Man. Anything off from the original story is not by the series' author/artist.**

_Note: There are editing made to the previous chapters due to a slight shift in plot. But I can sum it up for you here. Just mainly, Guren is being referred to as Harmonia in her dreams, but as Mockingbird to the Millennium Earl. Harmonia is the goddess of harmony and concord in Greek mythology, this is significant. _

_I am a very temperate author, so do take note that updates will not be often. It can be as short as a month, to as long as seven months, but the series will not be discontinued unless stated. Do add** As Your Lover t**o your story alert. Thank you._

Recap:

_"There's a woman that I could never forget. I fight so that I can meet her. What is your reason then?"_

_"I want to protect him."_

* * *

As Your Lover – Blunder

_The tall General walked with long strides in the dark night, his gold trimmed uniform glistering under the street lights. The little whitehead trailed after him, with her cheeks puffed up in resentment. It was the first time they had a disagreement. They were set to leave for the midnight train but Guren was too tired to move; she had only managed two hours of sleep while trying to recuperate from her abused body. All she asked from her father was to let her snooze for a bit and it resulted in her being dragged out to hell. Her eyes were heavy lidded as her suitcase dragged against the rough pavement, "Cross, I can't walk anymore…"_

_"Sure, sure. Just don't stop moving." He muttered while exhaling from his cigarette. It was a rather cold night, with the moon hanging high in the navy sheet, but it wasn't the occasion for him to admire the weather. He thought it was an increase in the AKUMAs manufactured by the Millennium Earl initially, but as days passed by, Cross noticed that the growth was only centred__on his appearance in the various cities. It made him unable to stay at a place for more than two weeks. And Guren, with her striking appearance, only made their position more conspicuous to the people of the Dark Matter. _

_He sighed; the night was still long and he had to spend it with that brat. It was easier for them to travel at night, under the screen of darkness, but Guren was just so… Plain lazy. He was beginning to feel irritation towards the supposing-cute-at-first child. She was constantly sleeping. All she wanted was to sleep. She was that strange type of people that could sleep the day away and still complain about their lack of sleep. He sighed again. Exhaling the smoke from his lips as the exhausted cigarette was thrown to the sidewalk. Cross turned around to check on his daughter, only to find her hugging the lamppost, obviously deep into dreamland. _

_His brow was twitching in annoyance as Cross stalked over to the sleeping child. Gloved fingers snatched at Guren's pale cheeks as the girl immediately woke up with a yelp. "AKUMA!"_

_"And that would be you. Now, hurry up. We only got twenty minutes more before the train departs." _

_"I don't want to walk anymore."_

_"Stop sprouting nonsense."_

_"I'm tired. My feet are not listening to me anymore."_

_"That's just your mind playing tricks on you, child."_

_"But you made me run a marathon to lure the AKUMAs away! And I have to exorcise three whole batches of those wretched machines. The Innocence is draining my vitality away."_

_"Hah! Liars should be punished," Cross announced as he flicked her forehead roughly, causing the girl to fall back on her bottom. She got up quickly, suddenly full of fight as she tackled the General with a flying kick. But of course, it doesn't work well for someone of her stature as Cross grabbed her ankles and hung her upside-down. "What's this? Rebellious age?"_

_"You should know that I'm not lying. This whole Innocence thing is weird for me," she complained when Cross flipped her over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes. She pulled at the ends of his hair but Cross just ignored her and continue walking. Guren thought about her Innocence; it was true that she became tired of using it, but it had never happened to Cross before. Was it just her inexperience or was it because of her Noah genes? She was not hoping for it being the latter, with her fingers crossed. She propped her elbow on his shoulder as she rest the side of her face on her palm, "You don't need to keep things from me. I know that there are more of them now."_

_"And why won't you stop acting like a brat and do as I say?"_

_"'Cause I'm tired."_

_Cross rolled his eyes at her reply as he continued walking. He could imagine how criminal he looked now, an adult carrying two suitcases, a cat plush and a child over his shoulders. Parenting was such a troublesome thing. How could people look forward to it? He pinched her thigh in annoyance while she hit his back immediately in retaliation. But something doesn't feel right about her. "Have you been eating?"_

_"I eat chocolates every day without fail." _

_"Food. Real food, idiot."_

_"What are you scheming about?"_

_"Is that what you really think of me? I'm hurt."_

_"Seriously."_

_"I am. Your bones are jabbing my sides."_

_"Well, I'm slim."_

_"Skinny. Scrawny. Like a skeleton." Truth to be told, even if he thought she was lazy, it was only in the slumber department. He had never really seen her eat much. Hmm. An underweight and frail apprentice would not do well. "You're going to eat lots when we get on the train."_

_There was only laughter after his statement; Cross was amused by how his ward hated to eat food, mainly because she didn't like to chew, while Guren was laughing because her father was such a doting idiot and yet, completely unaware of it. _

* * *

"She's really sweet, isn't she?" Lavi commented offhandedly when both Exorcists were in the canteen having their meals. The subject of their concern was currently chatting with a group of Finders by another table, all smiles and laughter as the usually solemn atmosphere seemed to lighten just by her presence.

Kanda rolled his eyes at the redhead's statement as he continued eating his soba. Within such a military based organization, Exorcists tend not to mix with the Finders, for various reasons that differ from person to person. For example, he felt that they were not worthy of his time. While for Lavi, Kanda interpreted, it would probably be due to the fact that he was a Bookman, civilians, generally, does not interest him. And other reasons could be the short lifespan of the Finders.

"You know... She is not within my usual preference of females, but that smile certainly grows on you. Don't you agree, Yuu?"

"Don't call me by my first name," Kanda snapped, placing his chopsticks over his cleaned dish. A successor to the Bookman title he was, Lavi trained himself to be able to read others. Most people in the Dark Order were opened like a book, except for the two very different Exorcists that he came to befriend. One was impassive, with the strength he trained himself to achieve. He never allowed anyone to see through him, surviving on his own through his different means that he had uncovered. While the other was never relaxed, she lived with a mask; she was like him. She formed a barrier, so tough, that she never allowed anyone in. Lavi recognized the look in Kanda's eyes, he used to think of it as the swordsman's concern for someone he recognized as a partner, when Lavi would always find Kanda looking for Guren whenever she was away from his side; it was done unconsciously.

But now... Lavi looked towards Kanda who worn a frown on his face, a different one from the times when he was annoyed. Lavi knew this look. Kanda was becoming possessive of their little Exorcist. Indeed, she was cute and all, even Lavi would be charmed. But she was dangerous, a warning given by the old man. Lavi had never let his guard down with the girl and he wondered if Kanda had done so. Kanda was never comfortable with relationships, the only one close to Kanda was probably Lenalee Lee who grew up with the usually stoic young man.

A frown came upon his own face as he thought about the mysterious whitehead. He had wanted to crack the riddle, but he felt like a stranger to Guren, not that the girl would allow him in after their previous engagement at the library several days ago. And he was certainly blocked by this mighty wall known as Kanda Yuu. The previously passive swordsman was now the acting guardian of Guren.

How was he going to investigate about her past?

* * *

Guren sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the full moon that hung high on this quiet night. There was no noise, no crickets, it was just her, just her alone. She inhaled slowly, fingers clenched as her mind refused to shut down even for a minute. Her sleepless nights were becoming a routine. It haunts her, whenever she closes her eyes. The darkness that veiled her often throws her back into the past, back into reality. She swore, swore that she would become stronger. But how long could she continue without an ounce of hope in her?

A future belonging to her didn't exist.

It used it, but she had destroyed it.

White hair fluttered onto the bed sheets when she fell back in defeat. Her eyes were shut tightly, trying hard to push back the tears. She can't cry now. She promised herself that she was going to leave the cage, to escape from her fate. But why was she so stubborn? Why the hell does she keep on looking back?

It was all in the past now.

_Tyki._

She swallowed, remembering the fiery golden eyes that threatened her life. His words were spiteful; his touch was like fire, searing her skin when he tried strangled her that night. But he was like a drug; she couldn't get enough of him, just once was enough to intoxicate her. More. She wanted more of him. Fingers, frozen by the wind blowing through the window, reached around her neck as she imagined his touch.

_Like roses,  
your words prick me like thorns  
As if you were a tattoo,  
you make it so hard to erase you_

_Just one more time._

_Just once._

She wanted to feel him again.

Instead of a sob, she let out a piercing scream. All her anger, her frustration, the unjust she felt, she wanted to be freed of them.

_Stop it._

_Stop reminding me of him._

She barely registered the loud banging of the door as she felt someone holding her close. His voice was anxious, calling her name over and over again. But all she could feel was her pain, their pain and their loss. How could she stand having torn away a part of herself? Her scream was muffled in his chest, as warm hands gripped the back of her night dress.

"Please, I want to go home. I want to return to him. This Innocence, this war, why do I have to be part of it?"

_Little love letters written in red  
Folded up, put away next to the bed, oh  
Little crushed hopes every day  
Waiting in the wings to spirit her away_

Kanda held her close; his hands were stiff, not knowing how to handle the wailing girl. She was so fragile that he didn't dare to touch her directly. His fingers closed around the fabric of her dress as he tried to hush her screaming. He had heard her frantic cry that he rushed over immediately, she was gripping the scar on her shoulder so tightly, he had to force her fingers away from the bleeding injury.

"Guren, calm down," he repeated as she kept on screaming. There were no tears; it was just the rawest form of her emotions. He had never expected Guren to break like this. He knew she was delicate; someone who acts on her emotions more than necessary, but it pained him to know how truly easily broken she was. Although she put up a facade, but months with his partner, he watched how the smile fell from her face whenever she was alone.

He was strong. But he wasn't strong enough to bring happiness to her. He was just plain Kanda, the soldier created by the Black Order. He didn't smile, nor did he care. But this girl, she made him weak. She brought out feelings in him, it was different from the feelings he had for his old friend, or for _Her_, Guren made him so human.

"This is your home now," he tried to reason with her; his mind was hardly focusing because of her struggles, "You have Lenalee, that Finder, Lavi... And me."

"No."

"What?"

"My home is where he is."

"Who are you talking about?"

_"Tyki, the Noah of Pleasure. The only one who loves me."_

* * *

_"Wake up," Guren heard a child's voice as she opened her eyes. She looked around her, there was no child, but furnishing of sugary love and soft cushions filled the room. She sat up from the pink cushion as she saw a pair of similar red eyes staring at her from the reflection of the mirror mounted on the wall. The child that had brought her here; she looked around the age of Allen when they first met; Pitch black hair, ghostly pale skin, a pair of red eyes and the stigmas that scarred her skin. Guren swallowed, as she reached her fingers to the surface, shadowed by the child within the mirror but she neither smiled nor made any change in her stoic expression._

_"You are different from before. She was Noah. Who are you?"_

_"Who are you?" The child echoed her words, the pair of eyes she was so used to, suddenly became so foreign and frightening, as they bore into her._

_"I am Guren, an Exorcist."_

_"Is that what you truly are?"_

_"That is what I chose to be."_

_"Are you going to be abandoning me then?"_

_"Do you want to come with me?"_

_"No one wants me, not even you, Harmonia."_

_"I am not Harmonia, my name is Guren. And I would love to be your friend."_

_"You lie! You are a dirty liar like everyone else," the child screamed as the mirror cracked into pieces. The shattered pieces scattered on the cushions as Guren could still see the child in the reflection, her red eyes glowing like a demon as she drew back in fear. "You promised that we would always be together, but you let him kill me! And now, you are going to forget me too!"_

_"What are you saying? I do not know you!"_

_"But I know you, I lived and died for you!" The child was so angry as she wailed and caused more of the displays to be damaged. Guren was backed against the wall, wary of the wrath of the child. The black haired child crawled out from a larger glass, her previously passive face was twisted in rage as she grabbed onto Guren's ankle, causing her to scream and trashed about in fear. _

_Your voice pierces through the pitch-black darkness  
It reaches my ear that has been poisoned through the years  
I waited like so, and the voice I had been waiting for  
Has killed and saved me once more_

_Small hands reached towards her face as she closed her eyes, trying to shut out the impending horror, but instead, she was greeted with a warm hug, with the wetness of the child's tears on her shoulders. Guren was so afraid. She didn't know how to react to the child that clung to her so desperately. Why did the child die for her? What was it that she couldn't remember?_

_Why has the Innocence taken away her memories?_

_"I beg you, don't leave me."_

_Why?_

_"I don't want you to be alone. It hurts when you cry."_

_"Not only me, She hurts too, we all do."_

_"Please, come back to me."_

* * *

"Are you alright?" He heard her anxious voice, the first that sounded the moment the team stepped off from the boat. It was a rather tiring trip, they were attacked constantly, with no time for rest and it was only him and Lavi. Kanda looked at Guren whom descended from the flight of stairs quickly; she looked more shaken than the people who were previously on the merciless battlefield. Knowing her, she must have wanted to join them, but her request was definitely rejected. She was their prized Exorcist after all, the one that could go against the will of God. Her white strands fell from the messy bun as she put her arm behind Lavi, helping the man out of the boat. Lavi had suffered quite a lot, a broken leg and ribs, although he did too, at some point, but he was Kanda Yuu, he wasn't going to depend on crutches.

Lavi was then placed on a stretcher as the paramedics quickly moved him to the sick bay. Kanda stood around, waiting for the crowd to disperse, he had claimed that he didn't need any treatment, which was true, his body was almost healed completely. He watched her back, as she was seeing off Lavi, saying that she would visit him soon. The girl finally turned around as her red eyes flickered from his face to his arm quickly, "I was told you fractured your arm." He let out an annoyed _'tch' _at her comment as he walked on, the girl trailing behind him quietly.

He was second. She was only concerned with Lavi, and had forgotten all about him. He sometimes wondered if this girl's brain was made of cotton candy, she was just so airheaded and clueless. The thought only made him angrier as he let out a disapproving sound again, causing the petite Guren to flinch, not understanding his anger. Kanda glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, recalling the night he held her fragile self close to him. He had left her only after he cleaned her self-inflicted injury; she had fallen asleep hours into her attack, tired from the screaming as she held onto his shirt so tightly.

_Thought I could just walk away  
That you might be a passing flame  
I told myself I wouldn't care  
If you weren't there  
But I'm in love with you_

Even if that incident was etched so deeply into Kanda, this stupid woman was entirely ignorant of it. It was either she truly could not recall because of the mental stress, or she was deliberately doing it. Although he believed that she wouldn't dare to do the latter. The dark circles beneath her eyes were a clear contrast to her pale skin, and the smile was on her face was fading as more time passed. She looked so breakable, not like the stubborn young woman he met months ago.

"Have you been sleeping at all?"

"Um. Yes, I sleep a lot," she smiled weakly at his question, but refused to look at him.

_'Liar.'_

This was not her home.

Those were the words she said. Was it taking such a toll on her, the fact that she was away from her lover? But hadn't they parted already, when she came to the Headquarters. Every single thing with her was just unclear and so complicated. This time, he sighed, stopping in his tracks as Guren bumped into him. "I am going to meditate."

"Oh. Okay," her fingers entwined together awkwardly, "Hmm, see you later then."

Guren watch as Kanda shook his head once in annoyance and stalked off. She swallowed her nervousness and leaned against the brick wall. This was really hard. Kanda was definitely angry with her now. She covered her blushing face with her hands as she remembered that night. Kanda had practically crushed her into his chest, and he was so gentle, unlike the usually foul-mood Kanda. She was so embarrassed by her behaviour, her panic attack, that she remembered she was hitting him with her fist but he still refused to release her. Her embarrassment was one thing...

How could she let out her secret so carelessly?

She was afraid of Kanda's reaction. What would he do if he knew about her past with the Black Order's enemies?

* * *

Crimson eyes were closed to the world as she lay on the grass patch, under the cool shade of the tree as she revelled in the warmth of the sun against her skin. The days of peace were short in this occupation, and her life was basically imprisonment. She had no free will; she was governed by the Vatican, to ensure that their _asset _would not be harmed in the war, leading to her days of being constantly watched and contained within the impregnability of the fortress. She had returned from a mission just last night, but the young woman found sleep an impediment as she decided to just laze around, busking in the first rays of the sun.

She was fortunate to be cleaned of injuries, but with the price of hearing the complaints of her dark haired partner. He had taken it upon himself to keep her out of harm's way, as he stated it as_ 'to lessen my burden,' _but Guren understood that it was Kanda's method of being concerned for her. She had to swallow her laughter that was bubbling up her throat when she remembered the incident that happened yesterday. It seems that Kanda was a little wary of her strength after all. He was uncomfortable when Guren walked behind her, as if afraid that she was going to attack him. She was hardly that unreasonable; she must have wounded his pride a little. Another incident was how Kanda stiffened every single time he encountered the Finder that was involved in their squabble. Both were proud men, but not mindless, as the hostility from before was replaced with simple and curt greetings.

If only she could solved all her problems with reasoning...

He was the one whom took reasoning away from her, plunging her into the depths of her madness and the endless need for him like the oxygen she inhaled. Seasons passed, and yet, the yearning for that man still haunted her, shadowing her in her dreams and confinement. But it wasn't his doing... She was the one who couldn't let go.

_Every time I try to fly, I fall  
Without my wings, I feel so small  
I guess I need you_

This solitary scared her. She had told herself time and time again that everything was going to be alright. She was not fighting alone. She was a member of the Black Order; this was her home and family. And Kanda had kindly reassured her as well, countless times, like a mantra.

But the emotions that tore her told a different story. She couldn't do anything without help. She was lost without him.

Tyki.

The Noah of Pleasure had been by her side since her time began, how could she survive in a life without him? How could she simply live? Every single time, during her worst and fallen state, he would always be there, to reach out for her. But now, even if she screamed for him, all that she would receive was probably a spiteful snarl, the cost of her betrayal. She glared at the blinding sun, as she felt her tears forming from the sorrows of her heart before she brought darkness to her eyes again.

How cruel.

How cruel of her to betray her lover?

How cruel of her to allow him to suffer?

She was evil.

She existed to bring fear; she was the Noah of Void, which was her purpose. And she brought fear to everyone around her, including herself.

What would happen to her should the Noah that sleeps deep within her awakens?

She was afraid.

_That child knew._

That child knew that she would be alone. She had lost her lover, her family, and that the things she held precious would definitely leave her in the future.

She had become so weak.

"Hey," Guren heard a voice as she opened her eyes, allowing the remaining tears to flow down her cheeks. She could only see the outline of his face beneath the glaring if the sun, as she forced a weak smile weak on her joyless face for the person whom had dispelled the burden in her mind. She reached her fingers to his hair, his cheekbone, and his jaw, leaving feathery light touches as though afraid that the person before her would disappear.

"Thank you for not being just another fragment of my memories."

_If I lay here  
Would you lie with me  
And just forget the world_

Kanda had seen the girl lying on the grass patch from the meditation room. He tried to empty his thoughts but they just kept on returning to the whitehead. It was as if she had some sort of magnetic pull on him, that he would always find himself searching for her no matter what he was doing. But it was getting worst. Just the sight of her used to be able to set his mind at peace, but now, it was hardly enough. He needed to see her, speak to her and be near her. He would wonder about her whereabouts, worry about her safety, and in the next moment, his feet would start moving in search for her, regardless if his will.

And today was the same.

The girl was completely oblivious to his arrival as her eyes remained closed to reality. He continued watching her, settling down beside her petite self, not understanding the feelings he felt beneath his skin. The anxiety, desire and everything else, no longer matter the second he was next to her, as if he found tranquillity through his meditation. But his previously calmed mind was quickly disturbed by the tears she was crying out. He stared. Things he hated were uncountable, and it definitely included the situation now. He was so used to getting his way through the use of volume or harsh words, but when the silently weeping Guren was presented before him, it was impossible for him to revert to his heartless ways.

He had only seen her cry at her frustration, once due to him, and others because of her weakness. She had been doing fine during their mission, that it wouldn't incur tears, so why? She did not even shed a single tear throughout that forgotten night as well.

Kanda bent over her, blocking the sun from her face as he called for her softly, dropping all pretence of his harshness, leaving only the specks of worry evident in his voice and eyes. He felt rage boiling from within, when he met with the sorrowful eyes of his partner. It was _Him _again, the one man that would affect her so much. Why couldn't she just stop thinking about the one that would bring her pain? He was right before her eyes, why couldn't she just understand that part of her past was only worth so much, not for her to cry over it recurrently.

_You never thought of anyone else  
You just saw your pain  
And now I cry  
In the middle of the night  
For the same damn thing_

_Just look at me for once._

He froze when he felt her touching his face, it was gentle, and lingering; not the sort of touch you would give to a colleague. But he didn't recoil from her touch, he accepted the feeling of her skin, her temperature and the fragile expression she wore, like she would be broken if he were to move away from her finger. It was mild, the warmth from her touch, but it was much more, the warmth that invaded his wintry heart. What was she doing to him?

And she whispered those words.

She needs him.

And he... What did he want with her?

* * *

_Author's Rant: _

_Reviews will be appreciated and constructive criticism will be great (: __Reviews gives me firepower to put in more effort into my stories._ It's a really long-overdued chapter, hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for the past reviews and the long wait, love you guys. And yes, it's finally moving into a more romantic relationship for the two that have stopped bickering. Next chapter, although I have no idea when, will open with our handsome Tyki Mikk!  



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